Miquel The Work Geordie

Stick Aluko at left back man, **** me

Alves looks sharp. Cullen looks like a white Bob Reid.

Strikers finish from Bob

Good honest pro Oliver Skipp doing a great job of shadowing the ref so far, thank god he's a good honest pro, imagine if he was a competent footballer, couldn't be having that

This keeper is shite

"Thomas will be fine at this level" will be parroted when we're in the National League North and he's getting made to look a tit by some part timer

Good intense start lads

We have some genuinely exciting options on the wings, its nice to know we can bring on players who might actually change a game rather than feeling like we're throwing the towel in the moment we make subs

Very poor from Sky you have to say

Gary Rowett can bounce on my hairy two incher by the way, twat

Cancelling my subscription as I speak, hopefully get Prutts in a nice relaxed fit chino to make up for it

No Mavididi at all is a huge positive. Pleased he's kept faith with Alves. Reid up top (?) is naff and it really highlights our need for centre halves and a proper DM because Skipp is shite but its a very strong bench

The season hasn't started until I've heard Prutts say "Football, always better with the craic - Jameson's, sponsors of the EFL on SkySports"

His hand has been forced a bit in a few cases here though — Luke Thomas is our only fully fit left back, Souttar, Faes and Okoli our only senior centre halves. I doubt he's chomping at the bit to play these dummies If he gives Mavididi a nod over Watson then it's a different story — but by the nature of the recruitment team's squad building we're gonna see some faces that give us all PTSD

!

The renders of the stadium expansion looked like a blue blister, proper shite

Bristric and the two dwarves

Hopefully no HUSBAND CRECHE signage appearing anytime soon then

If he was called Brian Aldersoninho he'd be a club legend

Also, and I cannot articulate this very well because I'm an idiot and it's based on nothing but a gut feeling - but I reckon if Page wasn't ours (and never had been, lets say) but was completely the same standard of player as he currently is – and we loaned him from A Big Club, he would absolutely get more game time here.

Maybe they are but Ashley hired Dennis Wise as a DoF and the list of managers they had under his watch is grim, in no order - Shearer, Kinnear, Carver, Bruce, McClaren, Pardew (who admittedly had one decent season), Hughton. Benitez was fine. Would we be entitled for being against nigh on every one of those names? Can't imagine so. All while he penny pinched and alienated a fan base - put the tiring "they love their football up there" rhetoric aside and Newcastle fans were absolutely right to want that fat goblin gone

Take them to the housing estate where American Adventure once stood instead, they'll love it

Veg Lasso because he doesn't eat meat and Veg sounds a bit like Ted I guess I wouldn't open with it on Live at the Apollo

Pretty tough tie against Gent for Hibs, would be bloody class if they could reach the league stage

What does a tribunal have to do with anything?