BoneDog

A f*&king giraffe I'd just drone the c*&ts to death, all of them (not the giraffe's) Edit : she can't understand the fuss because it's perfectly legal. It's just a hobby.

I sing this when Jeff has one of his mad moments. The lights are onnnnn But you're not home Your will is not your own Might aswell face it you're addicted to Schlupp Might aswell face it you're addicted to Schlupp (Plant - Addicted to Love)

Watched Criminal Barrister Rob Rinder the other day. Thought I would hate it from the advert but it was quite entertaining for a teatime show. A bullshitting woman was in the dock making things up and he said something like, "Janet, I'm interrupting you. You're about to go into a cul-de-sac of lying...It's an ugly part of the world...a part that makes me terribly upset".

I wouldn't let him fight a pitbull or another dog, he'd get battered! I just want to use him for surprise attacks on local petty criminals.

I was training my dog to do the police-dog arm bite earlier and he drew blood on my wrist like a champ. He's loving the training and he even knows what time it's happening cos he gets ready same time every night. He's got it down to a tee and I'm now confident that I can patrol the streets and set him on muggers. It's not irresponsible because my Grandad was a police-dog handler so I know what I'm doing.

Many times me old mucker. I've come to the conclusion that The Magnificent One is observing everything at all times through every single pair of eyes He invented. Somehow, all eyes (and ears and minds) are connected to the mainframe supercomputer and His Glory knows everything. The universe and all creatures in it are electric after all. BE AFRAID SINNERS!

He was at Wembley earlier but left before half-time.

Done one of those league champion accumulators over 3000/1. Arsenal, Derby, Sheff U and Notts County 50p e/w, plus a small e/w yankee. Will do a few more of those before Saturday and mix it up a bit.

When he whistled I thought 'flippin heck it's Obama's illegitimate love child'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKxFU201MSg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWL9DYHP-nY

Swings and roundabouts mate. You can't make love on a speedboat in the KP.

Crackerjack, will put it on my pc and see what's the crack. If it's good will get a tv box for the mrs. Heard it mentioned a few times but didn't know what it was. Got rid of Sky 3 weeks ago and am missing the sports a bit.

How do I go about getting Kodi? Is it like a freeview box kind of thing?

Two adverts. Take your G-Tech Air Ram and shove it up your arse. And then that Money Supermarket ad. The worst, most pointless ad I've ever seen. It doesn't seem to make any sense whatsoever, is full of ghastly sights and was written by mentalists.

Not played Skyrim for a while, might have to have a bash this week. After having it for a few years and doing 150 or so hours game time I've not got halfway through the story. Not even joined a side in the civil war yet and never been bored. Just been steady cracking skulls and breaking hearts along with generally living it up with my wife, my ho's and pal's dotted around the map, my animals and adopted children. Oh the adventures, fun and drama we've had. I reckon that even if I do another 100 hours I likely still wouldn't finish the main story. There's a lot to see, do and hear I tell thee. Two tips for new players are 1: When you get to level 14 remember to visit different pubs until you encounter a bloke called Sam. You want his thing. 2: When you've got a few lady followers make sure to get Falmer Armour for them to wear when you take them out bounty hunting so that everyone you encounter knows you are a f*&king pimp. My back storage room at Fort Lakeview is a gold mine. I pick up all gold and stash it there. Hundreds of thousands of gold coins protected by Rayya and Uthgerd all tooled up, a dog, a hos and a bard. I forget what skill it is (illusion probably), but I cast courage on all people, chickens and cows I pass in towns and villages which increases that skill quite quickly. It'd be good early on for levelling up a few ranks.

I use Sanex normal skin 0%. Says it hasn't got a smell but it has. I hope that doesn't remove the horny layer.

Poor Chip, sorry to hear that Wymesy. Border Collies are amazing creatures. That boy dun ****ed up. At least 3 people are going to be rrrrrrrrrrrather (rolling r's) upset about this - you and 2 drug dealers by the looks of it. Lolled at that.

Not quite. Had it turned inside out and made into a vagina. I slap it silly.

Cherish the love. Baggsy best man.

In my prime I was an outstanding catch and all ladies under 61 in the Midlands were very grateful for a ride, or even just a signed photo. Now I'm old I'd say not quite the supermodel I once was. Plus I have two missing front teeth which does one no favours. In my opinion I'm 9 and 3 quarters out of 10, only due to the ageing process and violent people. But according to women on the cul-de-sac, on a good day I'm between 5 and 8 out of 10. I think they're just bitter because they're jealous of my wife or are trying to make me paranoid. To conclude, it depends who you believe.

I've just done an outrageous trump. Wtf? Even the dog looked appalled. And on that note I think I'm going to pop my jim-jams on and hop into bed.

I've made love to both and would go for a 10/10 stinker because you can chuck them in the bath first.

Don't write them off yet. Try a pair and see what reactions you get when you walk in the pub. My guess is the ladies jaws will drop. I can't decide if they're too fruity. I'm not sure what shag bands are pal. Status Quo were always a bit naughty on tour so I've heard.

Denise Lasalle - Don't Mess with my Toot Toot I believe her when she sings that if you do happen to mess with her toot toot then she'll break your face.