Depression

[Lionator]

5 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm guessing you're a pornstar, it all fits. Pressure to perform, attractive work colleagues, flat occupied by woman who would otherwise be homeless, the clues are all there.

 

Seriously mate, just proving I read to the bottom. I'd noticed some of your recent posts seemed a little out of character. My take on the flat is that would she really be homeless? I mean, you obviously have relatives you've been able to fall back on, does she not have any friends or relatives? 

 

If there's no contribution from her either as a supportive partner or monetary contributions then she doesn't have any grounds for being there and absolutely shouldn't be guilt tripping if she felt any affection. Tell her how it's affected you and if they don't show any sign of sympathy, then hard as it is if you still have feelings, it's time to let go, possibly flat and all.

 

DM me if you need to chat.

How did you guess 😂😂

 

thank you I appreciate it 

[filthyfox]

Crafting...   in the garden...  in the sunshine after an absolutely AMAZING weekend- if i didnt know i took pills in the morning, i eould say i felt NORMAL!!!

[ian__marshall]

On 06/06/2026 at 12:46, Lionator said:

Bloody hell lads, I’ve basically just had a 3 week non stop panic attack (not helped by using booze as Valium to calm it down). Finally feeling like I have regained some sanity but my body is in absolute pieces. It’s all basically built up over a year, relationship breakdown, loss of flat, work stress then something happened three weeks ago and my brain just exploded. Haven’t been able to get any help aside from ‘signposting’ but very fortunately relatives have stepped up to care for me. 
 

I knew the relationship wasn’t working for me this time last year but she was ‘the one’ if that makes sense. Everyone was expecting us to settle down and have kids including myself. She’s a beautiful person but she has her own issues but it was always me that needed to work on my issues and I’d get accused of gaslighting if I told her she needed to sort a few things out. And day by day I was just becoming more miserable and isolated and quite frankly a bit paranoid (as people on other threads will attest to). Again drinking loads which is not me, I’ve never been a drinker until the last year and it’s been my one coping mechanism which I want to change. And yeah about 6 months ago I got ‘emotionally’ close to a work colleague, nothing ever happened physically but it was enough for me to realise there’s more to life than this relationship. So I called it quits and I’ve been having some insane levels of guilt over it all and keep getting told by her and some of my relatives that I was the issue when we’re trying to sort things out over the flat. I immediately had to leave our flat (was my choice) but I’m still paying for it now which is an issue I need to sort out but she guilt trips me around her becoming homeless if I stop. I know things weren’t great for me but I never felt listened to. Bleurghhhh

 

I guess I’m a bit scared right now because I’ve never quite crashed out like this. But also I guess I’ve never held so much life stress like this at the same time. You’d be shocked to know what I do for a living but also kinda makes sense when you think about emotional burnout. 
 

If anyone gets to the bottom of this, thank you for reading, I just needed to vent and write stuff down somewhere. 

Sorry to hear this. I suffered hugely from Panic Attacks a long while ago so can sympathise as they are awful. Not sure on your circumstances but if you're not on medication for your symptoms I'd suggest speaking with your GP and see what they suggest. 

 

I've been on meds for years and it keeps me on a level and very stable. If you can afford it (even for a very short period) I'd also suggest seeing a Clinical Psychologist privately. Very expensive, but will hugely help change your perspective on the way you think about situations and provide you with coping mechanisms. 

 

Without wanting to state the obvious, I'd also jack in the habit of turning to alcohol. Can't stress enough how much this will be fueling your panic attacks. I enjoy the occasional social drink, but have come to realise as I've aged that alcohol just isn't for me. As great as I feel in the moment, I now recognise that for me the negative effects afterwards massively outweigh the enjoyment. I was always a binge drinker so not dependent on alcohol in anyway, however I wish I'd have a) had the balls to understand this earlier in my life and not get drawn into heavy social drinking, and b) listened more to my body when it was telling me not to do it. 

 

I realise your drinking is a form of self medicating and not a social need, however I'm certain it's probably causing you more issues than you realise. 

 

Re: your ex-partner, I understand the situation, and well done for having concern for her welfare. Takes a big man with a big heart to put others before yourself particularly when you are struggling. That said, I do think you need to draw a line, even if it's so you can move on, as I'm sure having her around in your life is likely not helping the situation either. Have you thought about setting her a deadline. You could maybe tell her you'll give her another 3-4 months support with the flat, at which point if she's not in a position to fund it herself, that's on her. Seems reasonable to me and you can't allow yourself to be drawn into supporting her indefinitely, especially with how you are feeling. 

 

Sometimes you need to be a little selfish and put yourself first. 

 

Hope you start to feel better soon. 

[ajthefox]

Read this and thought I would share. 

 

https://spacedaily.com/d-quote-by-carl-jung-loneliness-does-not-come-from-having-no-people-about-one-but-from-being-unable-to-communicate-the-things-that-seem-important-to-oneself-or-from-holding-certain-views-which-other/

 

[FoxSince88]

I feel this is very appropriate for this thread. 
 

My messages are always open to anyone that needs someone to listen to them. 
 

Please take the hardest step and walk through the doors to be welcomed by men just like you, that have either gone through or still going through the same struggles each of you face. 
 

Only in the last 7 months I’ve realised that being around other men and leaning on their experiences is such a powerful tool. 

[Swarles Barkley]

Long time reader of this thread and I want to thank many of you that you have helped me personally over the last few years even though you probably didn’t even know it.

I am now unfortunately at that point where talking about problems or getting medication won’t fix much.
There is just depression and sadness everywhere I look. My personal life where when I think it can’t get any worse, another ridiculous problem arises. Having people who pretend they care but actions suggest otherwise. Or even just seeing the way the world is right now with its horrors and its cruelty. At least I always had football as a release from every day life but wait no even that is ruined now for a number of reasons. 

 

 I often wonder what I have done to have the issues that I do, another thing that keeps me up at night and torments me during the day. but I guess it’s an answer I will never find out. 
 

Im not sure what the future holds but live in hope that it gets better. My worry is that similar to the past it will get better for a bit then it all comes crashing back down to Earth. I guess the question remains, when will the last bit of hope run out. 
 

Edit: Not quite sure why I decided to post today. In a weird way I somehow believe this post will fix everything in my life as if im testing fate. 

Edited Monday at 21:57 by Swarles Barkley
Final paragraph

[Lionator]

6 minutes ago, Swarles Barkley said:

Long time reader of this thread and I want to thank many of you that you have helped me personally over the last few years even though you probably didn’t even know it.

I am now unfortunately at that point where talking about problems or getting medication won’t fix much.
There is just depression and sadness everywhere I look. My personal life where when I think it can’t get any worse, another ridiculous problem arises. Having people who pretend they care but actions suggest otherwise. Or even just seeing the way the world is right now with its horrors and its cruelty. At least I always had football as a release from every day life but wait no even that is ruined now for a number of reasons. 

 

 I often wonder what I have done to have the issues that I do, another thing that keeps me up at night and torments me during the day. but I guess it’s an answer I will never find out. 
 

Im not sure what the future holds but live in hope that it gets better. My worry is that similar to the past it will get better for a bit then it all comes crashing back down to Earth. I guess the question remains, when will the last bit of hope run out. 
 

Edit: Not quite sure why I decided to post today. In a weird way I somehow believe this post will fix everything in my life as if im testing fate. 

Sometimes just ranting and getting it all out on paper or virtual paper helps. It sounds and feels like a helpless situation now, everything really is bleak out there, but it is only for now, it tells you nothing about the future. Kudos for opening up, we’re all here for you 💙

Edited Monday at 22:00 by Lionator

[Trav Le Bleu]

7 hours ago, Swarles Barkley said:

 

 I often wonder what I have done to have the issues that I do, another thing that keeps me up at night and torments me during the day. but I guess it’s an answer I will never find out

Probably you haven't done anything. Yes, a lot of time it's action/reaction, but often stuff just happens.

 

Hopefully you'll feel a bit better this morning, but feel free to DM me if you want.