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James.

The Curse of Management Speak

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Posted

If I had a washing machine, I'd do all my washing at 500 degrees, ruining all my clothes in the process just to cancel out all the do-gooders who have cranked theres down to 30 degrees.

There I've said it.

Posted

If I had a washing machine, I'd do all my washing at 500 degrees, ruining all my clothes in the process just to cancel out all the do-gooders who have cranked theres down to 30 degrees.

There I've said it.

yours need 500 degrees to be fair! otherwise the consequences are unspeakable.... has anyone seen that filnm with Hoffman....OUTBREAK!

Posted

Apparently not.

Definitely not omnipresent. ;)

Not sure if there is some confusion but...

Omnipresent - everywhere

Omniscient - all knowing

Omnipotent - all powerful.

I am neither, yet all three.

:ph34r:

Posted

yours need 500 degrees to be fair! otherwise the consequences are unspeakable.... has anyone seen that filnm with Hoffman....OUTBREAK!

My mum keeps ruining my clothes (yes I live with my mum) - I think she wants me to move out!

Posted

Not sure if there is some confusion but...

Omnipresent - everywhere

Omniscient - all knowing

Omnipotent - all powerful.

I am neither, yet all three.

:ph34r:

the ORACLE... although that is me...

the all knowing all seeing being!

Posted

Not sure if there is some confusion but...

Omnipresent - everywhere

Omniscient - all knowing

Omnipotent - all powerful.

I am neither, yet all three.

:ph34r:

none...surely?

Posted

to normal folks!

I am a bit concerned by stez's current avatar and signature.

They look a bit like an image version of management speak... :ph34r::whistle::P;)

Posted

After doing some bench marking I've decided this General Chat forum needs some serious downsizing and out sourcing. The bottom line is there are too many barriers to entry and we need to adopt best practice and concentrate on the core business. My game plan is a fast track to empowement so that we become more leading edge.

We therefore need a mission statement to get the mindset of the movers and shakers taking ownership and singing from the same hymn sheet.

We will then have the synergies to become a state of the the art, showstopping, world class, quality driven football forum.

:thumbup:

Posted

After doing some bench marking I've decided this General Chat forum needs some serious downsizing and out sourcing. The bottom line is there are too many barriers to entry and we need to adopt best practice and concentrate on the core business. My game plan is a fast track to empowement so that we become more leading edge.

We therefore need a mission statement to get the mindset of the movers and shakers taking ownership and singing from the same hymn sheet.

We will then have the synergies to become a state of the the art, showstopping, world class, quality driven football forum.

:thumbup:

a perfect example

:thumbup:

Posted
I often use management speak in front of people just to amuse myself.

It's mostly amusing because they don't know what the hell is going on. They didn't spend the last seven or eight years reading Dilbert comics and the writings of Scott Adams. :ph34r:

For the past 4 years, I have had a 'Daily Dilbert' delivered to my inbox....

Wally is my role model. I have a cup of coffee welded to my hand as we speak!

Spooky!! As I was about to post this, todays DD arrived.... <shudders>

Posted

Let's introduce performance measures. I'm sure we can get someone who is good with Excel to analyse the data in line with our objectives.

Posted

I am a bit concerned by stez's current avatar and signature.

They look a bit like an image version of management speak... :ph34r::whistle::P;)

it's 1980's school kids' speak

Posted

For the past 4 years, I have had a 'Daily Dilbert' delivered to my inbox....

Wally is my role model. I have a cup of coffee welded to my hand as we speak!

Spooky!! As I was about to post this, todays DD arrived.... <shudders>

Ditto. lol

I also have three of the books... possibly more - The Dilbert Principle (a must), The Way of The Weasel, The Joy of Work (hilarious). I've read the Dilbert Future too, but it's not part of my vast library. lol

Quality. :thumbup:

Posted

After doing some bench marking I've decided this General Chat forum needs some serious downsizing and out sourcing. The bottom line is there are too many barriers to entry and we need to adopt best practice and concentrate on the core business. My game plan is a fast track to empowement so that we become more leading edge.

We therefore need a mission statement to get the mindset of the movers and shakers taking ownership and singing from the same hymn sheet.

We will then have the synergies to become a state of the the art, showstopping, world class, quality driven football forum.

:thumbup:

lol

good one davieG!

This management speak really sucks :ph34r::whistle::P

Posted

lol

good one davieG!

This management speak really sucks :ph34r::whistle::P

Communication by means of a management-style vocabulary and phraseology is marvellous, it really is.

After all, it gives one a method of communicating with others without actually revealing any information whatsoever. :ph34r:

Posted

Communication by means of a management-style vocabulary and phraseology is marvellous, it really is.

After all, it gives one a method of communicating with others without actually revealing any information whatsoever. :ph34r:

Exactly, it is meaning-less bullsh*t :ph34r::whistle::P

  • 3 years later...
Posted

Good excuse to revive this thread. :D

BBC.

lol

gold. My bosses aren't too bad when it comes to this kind of shit but moving forward is the key phrase in our workplace.

Posted

The company I'm working for has the uncanny ability to use the phrase "...and last but not least" in EVERY official presentation, no matter whom is the presenter.

It's probably part of the contract.

Posted

The word "revert" being used instead of reply for no discernable reason really annoys me - the crowning achievement comes in an email I once got which said something like "escalate pls - action and revert to me"

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