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General Smuts

FT Rap Battle Semi Finals

By General Smuts, in The Music Forum

I've Got A Semi  

44 members have voted

  1. 1. Fez Vs A Fox In Essex

    • Fez
      33
    • A Fox In Essex
      11

  2. 2. Katy Vs NSLL

    • Katy
      24
    • NSLL
      20

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General Smuts

General Smuts

Posted
Posted

Fez Vs A Fox In Essex

Fez

Let's talk about Essex, baby. Let's talk about Leigh-on-Sea. Let's talk about the few good things and many bad things that may be,

You shop at Netto, you wear white stilettos, Southend United will never sign Samuel Eto'o,

You drive a Ford Escort, you're fat like John Prescott, your forehead looks weird like Joleon Lescott,

Your county's full of chavs, nicking peoples sat-navs, I'm recording MP3s, you're still making WAVs,

but not a Mexican wave, I heard you always need a shave, I bet your name is Wayne or possibly Dave,

I admit, that's a bit, hypocrit, ical of me, but if I'd chosen my own name, it'd make it suit the rap game,

like Mack cos I return, like Fire cos I burn, cos Trump cos I earn, like Nigel Winterburn,

or maybe Little Nicky, cos I'm devilish and tricky, but I never pull a sickie, are you from Billericay?

Or is it Colchester? Your mum, I impressed her, she loves Uncle Fez-ter, I took her up the Leicester,

and then the Arsenal, right up the Emirates, you can't pull in Essex even though they're all sluts,

They stick their fringe to their face, the scum of the human race, you can't keep pace with this lyrical grace,

I'm popular like cheese, I'm pleasant like the breeze, I'll bring you to your knees, you'll see what LD3 sees,

I'm taking all your wickets, like Buddy and the Crickets, I've sold out all my tickets, I'm Pele, you're Michael Ricketts,

With my new style of rap, I put Northampton on the map, you wear a Burberry cap, but your sister's worth a tap,

yeah she's in for it you see, it's her that I'll undress, metaphorically, just in case she is a mess,

if she looks like you, then there's nothing I will do, short of find someone new, these rhymes destroyed your whole crew.

A Fox In Essex

Well I’m up against a guy with a PSG fetish, I guess this is a draw that I should relish,

So would you give me a moment please to embellish, the reasons why I’m gonna make his life so hellish

I’m like Steve Wright in an Ipswich back street, I strangle competition to the hip hop beat,

Then I deal with the evidence oh so discrete, whereas Fez has the killer instinct of David Pleat

I’m comparing myself to a serial killer, coz I’m not afraid to go there - with me there’s no filler,

It’s like the Rumble in the Jungle or the Thriller in Manilla, but Fez just runs away like a scared chinchilla

I hear he likes those Barca boys from Catalonia, well guess what – now I’m gonna pwn ya,

You think you’re rap battle king but I’m gonna de-throne ya, coz my lyrics are more lethal than a pint of ammonia

I've got more rhetoric than a politician, as you can see I'm a man on a mission,

It's gonna be reality not just an apparition, that FT's Essex Boy will be in number one position

I guess by now he must be cacking his pants, this once mighty hero who comes from Northants,

He’s surrendering to me so he’d be better off in France, I’ve won the rapping yellow jersey like Armstrong comma Lance

I’m gonna reach the final it’s a certainty, I’m gonna lift the Cup like I’m at Wem-ber-ley,

But Fez won’t be able to ‘Abide with Me’, coz my rhymes were just too intimidatory

It’s time for my conclusion so to summise, I’m spittin’ the truth while Fez be spittin’ lies

You can tell because they’re too close together (his eyes), So I will be the one who takes home the prize

Katy Vs NSLL

Katy

His name is Ashley Jupp, I have him on facebook,

at his face I cannot look, bet he couldn't give a fook.

So young he cannot cook, with beans on toast he'd come unstuck

rap at my expense m'duck, I'll fell ya with a right hook!

Foxestalks Nussul, he loves the Real Hustle,

has hair like Brand, Russell, a lad without much muscle.

With Libertine had a tussle, 'n' gay thoughts 'bout Kevin Russell,

too emo to do bussle, he's so green just like a brussel.

Got rejected by Amy, he'd be better off with Jamie,

His posts are rather samey, I won't let up til you pay me.

You have to hear my plea, do you not agree,

to a certain degree, that his breath doth smell of brie?

He's Emotional or Emo, but not racist like our Teeno,

and as crap as San Marino, got ID'd at the casino.

He's scared of Tarantino, makes him cry like a bambino,

will marry a Philippino, cuz he's not hot like jalapeno.

NSLL

Katy’s next up then, and this one’s tough

I should probably somehow link Fez to her m***

Hang on. Fcuk it. I ain’t got the guts.

She’ll take it to heart, then go crying to Smuts.

I can probably guess what she’s put about me

And I’m sure in the most part I’d have to agree.

‘Built like a ribbon – how much does he weigh?’

‘He posts like an emo – he’s probably gay’.

How should I respond to her harmful words?

SERIOUSLY KATY, CARD MAKINGS FOR NERDS

Take that beeatch, i gleefully shout

And with this I realise I’m probably out.

Cause a Fez/Katy final would be really sweet

It’s only me hoping that I’m going to beat:

Katy of Lincoln, born early June

When she sees Fez, sends her over the moon.

GOOD LUCK!

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