The 'Help with Correct Grammar' workshop thread

[Guest Bilo]

Your/You're

When YOU'RE Smiling - YOU'RE is a contraction of you are. Hence; When You are Smiling.

YOUR support is fvcking shit. - YOUR is a possessive pronoun, i.e. The support belongs to you and it is fvcking shit.

So if I see any of you confusing the two on here, on Twitter or on Facey; I will come over and piss on your kids.

Could have NOT could of

There is no such phrase in the English language as 'could of,' the combination of words simply do not make sense. I could explain why but am lazy, just don't fvcking do it. It's 'could have' or even 'could've.' This applies to would and should too. The only time it's even vaguely acceptable is in a sentence such as this.

'Bilo drank all he could of the Trappist beer in the Swan & Rushes, which wasn't much to be honest.'

An example of 'could have' in a sentence:

'We would have won if it wasn't for the referee.' Weren't would be incorrect in this sentence too, so don't do that either.

Homophones

I'm not talking about people who cringe when they see two fellas holding hands here, I'm talking words that sound the same but have different meanings and make no sense when they are confused in a sentence.

It's/Its

'I never listen to the moan-in as IT'S fvcking depressing.' It's is a contraction of it is.

'The King Power's atmosphere has its knockers.' Its is a possessive pronoun, much like 'your' and denotes ownership. Tee hee, the King Power has knockers.

There/Their/They're

'There is a really decent pub near London Bridge train station when you go to Millwall.' There is a location; i.e. not here.

'Their new red kit is a fvcking embarrassment.' Their is another of those pesky possessive pronouns.

'They're pretty racist down at the City Ground aren't they Mr Robinson?' They're is short for they are, as it is a contraction.

Loose/Lose

'Katie Price has a really LOOSE, baggy fanny.' Loose is the opposite of tight.

'You just know we'll LOSE at Cardiff again.' Lose is the opposite of win.

Literally

Otherwise known as the Redknapp Error.

'I literally died laughing when Forest went down to League One.'

Really, you've been dead for seven years have you? If you LITERALLY died in 2005, posting in 2012 would be one hell of an achievement. You didn't LITERALLY die, you FIGURATIVELY died laughing because you laughed so fvcking hard, just as we all did. STOP USING LITERALLY WRONG.

Thanks for reading.

Pin this bastard mods, I'm hungover and irritable about shit grammar.

Ta and remember to read this before posting, it's bloody helpful.

[davieG]

Thats appauling!

[21st Century Fox]

I would of fort people all ready new this.

[marko]

Could have NOT could of

There is no such phrase in the English language as 'could of,' the combination of words simply do not make sense. I could explain why but am lazy, just don't fvcking do it. It's 'could have' or even 'could've.' This applies to would and should too. The only time it's even vaguely acceptable is in a sentence such as this.

That's better

[Guest Bilo]

[Guest BlueBrett]

There is no such phrase in the English as 'could of,' the combination of words simply do not make sense

Do you think he could be any more patronising. Well, he could of course

[Guest Bilo]

Do you think he could be any more patronising. Well, he could of course

The actual phrase in that sentence is 'of course.' I salute your creativity though.

[Corky]

Definitely and defiantly should be included.

First of all, they are not different or incorrect spellings of the same word, they are totally different words.

"I defiantly did do that"- it doesn't make sense.

Definite means absolute or clearly true, defiant means to challenge or resist.

[Guest BlueBrett]

The actual phrase in that sentence is 'of course.' I salute your creativity though.

True but the 'combination of words' still makes sense

[Guest Bilo]

Definitely and defiantly should be included.

First of all, they are not different or incorrect spellings of the same word, they are totally different words.

"I defiantly did do that"- it doesn't make sense.

Definite means absolute or clearly true, defiant means to challenge or resist.

Excellent addition Corky.

I think we should include the difference between 'of' and 'off' there too.

[marko]

How about to, too and two.

[Guest Bilo]

It is a workshop, so suggestions are welcome.

To/Too/Two

I have ______ balls.

I'm going ______ the pub again.

I don't fancy her, she has ______ many chins.

[ithuriel]

When i left school my english was pretty decent but the years rolled by, bad habits crept in and vagueness of memory, then the internet arrived and whoosh.

What does surprise me are peeps fresh out of school whose english is terrible, some lad at my work place who was always on his mobile would ask me how to spell words like surprise i guess phone text is to english as the calculator is to maths in regards to school education.

[marko]

Aids and aides.

As in, Bilo has aids, so I'm not going to fornicate with him.

Or, Bilo has aides, although they're not very useful.

[davieG]

Aids and aides.

As in, Bilo has aids, so I'm not going to fornicate with him.

Or, Bilo has aides, although they're not very useful.

I don't suppose aids is very useful as a chat up line.

Hi fancy a shag I've got aids, hi fancy a shag my aides will book us the penthouse suite will prove more useful

[Guest Bilo]

Aids and aides.

As in, Bilo has aids, so I'm not going to fornicate with him.

Or, Bilo has aides, although they're not very useful.

[Jimothy]

Can we also include the confusion between learning/teaching and borrowing/lending.

You have not learned your dog a new trick. Somebody hasn't learned you how to fix your computer. It's taught. And your friend isn't going to learn you to do maths, they are going to teach you.

And your friend doesn't borrow you a CD, they lend it to you.

I've heard people claim these words are interchangeable, but unless I've missed something somewhere, I'm pretty sure they're not.

[Itsthejoeker]

Can someone explain the difference between effect and affect? Never really understood that one.

[MooseBreath]

Couldn't read anymore after "but am lazy".

[Guest Bilo]

Most of the time, affect is used in a sentence as a verb whereas effect is a noun.

Examples:

'Goal music has negatively AFFECTED atmosphere.'

'Goal music has a negative EFFECT on atmosphere.'

Couldn't read anymore after "but am lazy".

It's half-term, so I'm going for the fast track version.

[flowwolf]

When i left school my english was pretty decent but the years rolled by, bad habits crept in and vagueness of memory, then the internet arrived and whoosh.

What does surprise me are peeps fresh out of school whose english is terrible, some lad at my work place who was always on his mobile would ask me how to spell words like surprise i guess phone text is to english as the calculator is to maths in regards to school education.

That should be a capital I when referring to yourself.

[Corky]

When i left school my english was pretty decent but the years rolled by, bad habits crept in and vagueness of memory, then the internet arrived and whoosh.

What does surprise me are peeps fresh out of school whose english is terrible, some lad at my work place who was always on his mobile would ask me how to spell words like surprise i guess phone text is to english as the calculator is to maths in regards to school education.

The growth of texting has helped to worsen some levels of basic English.

It's somewhat acceptable on casual forums like this but I've seen it in important documents and written essays, which is inexcusable.

[Fox92]

I hate text speak and all that, but so what if some people make errors? It's a forum at the end of the day, I don't care as long as I understand what the post means.

[Vacamion]

'We would have won if it wasn't for the referee.' Weren't would be incorrect in this sentence too, so don't do that either.

I disagree.

The use of "were" instead of "was" is a remnant of the subjunctive mood, eg "If I were a rich man".

As such, "If it were not for the referee, we would have won." is, for my money, perfectly acceptable.

[Guest Bilo]

I disagree.

The use of "were" instead of "was" is a remnant of the subjunctive mood, eg "If I were a rich man".

As such, "If it were not for the referee, we would have won." is, for my money, perfectly acceptable.

Hmmm, I personally think it sounds a bit clumsy.

That said, I have a pathological and irrational hatred of the word 'weren't' thanks to sentences such as 'it weren't me' that I've seen all too often on here.