21st Century Fox

I knew that sexy, virile independent disciplinary commission wouldn’t let us down.

The Premier League’s glaring error is that they can’t punish a team with the financial backing of a leading petrostate. Their owners literally have the money to buy Nick DiMarcos testicles and use them to genetically engineer generations of lawyers to keep the Premier League tied up in legal challenges until humans evolve past the use of feet and football becomes obsolete.

Southampton have found out their punishment today. It hasn’t been released yet, they just sent an intern with a glass pressed up against the independent disciplinary commission’s door.

I started reading this thinking, who the **** was Jan Kerfuffle and when did she die?!

Man City looking for a manager with a proven track record of getting clubs out of the Championship for when they get hit by a sporting sanction…

This is turning into one of those 1960’s bands that’s made up of one original member, a drummer who was once in the band for a month while the original drummer was in rehab and the rest were recruited from a tribute band. They can’t legally be called the original name so they have to be called something like “Jon Rudkin’s Leicester City” and they now play local city halls and leisure centres.

Throwing B2 back into the count: B1 | Available: 183 | Unavailable: 907 | Total: 1090 | 16.8% free B2 | Available: 0 | Unavailable: 604 | Total: 604 | 0.0% free B3 | Available: 140 | Unavailable: 896 | Total: 1036 | 13.5% free C1 | Available: 403 | Unavailable: 575 | Total: 978 | 41.2% free G1 | Available: 941 | Unavailable: 52 | Total: 993 | 94.8% free G2 | Available: 877 | Unavailable: 120 | Total: 997 | 88.0% free H1 | Available: 1178 | Unavailable: 217 | Total: 1395 | 84.4% free J1 | Available: 654 | Unavailable: 292 | Total: 946 | 69.1% free J2 | Available: 339 | Unavailable: 537 | Total: 876 | 38.7% free J3 | Available: 690 | Unavailable: 180 | Total: 870 | 79.3% free K1 | Available: 490 | Unavailable: 42 | Total: 532 | 92.1% free KW | Available: 436 | Unavailable: 167 | Total: 603 | 72.3% free L1 | Available: 779 | Unavailable: 69 | Total: 848 | 91.9% free SK1 | Available: 2014 | Unavailable: 222 | Total: 2236 | 90.1% free SK2 | Available: 1489 | Unavailable: 325 | Total: 1814 | 82.1% free SK3 | Available: 804 | Unavailable: 224 | Total: 1028 | 78.2% free SK4 | Available: 1802 | Unavailable: 246 | Total: 2048 | 88.0% free WH | Available: 490 | Unavailable: 277 | Total: 767 | 63.9% free ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── TOTAL | Available: 13709 | Unavailable: 5952 | Total: 19661 | 30.3% unavailable

When I ran it the first time on 06/05 there were 26,576 seats made available (even had M1-4 open). So unless there was a mad rush just on the North Stand, they've closed those and possibly relocating the seats sold there.

Ah ok, B2 was closed when it went to General Sale, so might need to add that to the total, if that's the case.

I've scraped the ticketing website for the areas that are currently open. 19,057 are the total seats that were made available in those sections. 5300 are unavailable (sold but will probably also include some accessibility seats that show as unavailable). So unless they've closed areas because they're completely sold out (which seems unlikely as I've tracked this since it went to general sale and then they closed areas off, I assume to poor sales), that should be a pretty close approximation of what's been sold as of this morning.

B1 | Available: 200 | Unavailable: 890 | Total: 1090 | 18.3% free B3 | Available: 142 | Unavailable: 894 | Total: 1036 | 13.7% free C1 | Available: 403 | Unavailable: 575 | Total: 978 | 41.2% free G1 | Available: 941 | Unavailable: 52 | Total: 993 | 94.8% free G2 | Available: 878 | Unavailable: 119 | Total: 997 | 88.1% free H1 | Available: 1180 | Unavailable: 215 | Total: 1395 | 84.6% free J1 | Available: 654 | Unavailable: 292 | Total: 946 | 69.1% free J2 | Available: 345 | Unavailable: 531 | Total: 876 | 39.4% free J3 | Available: 690 | Unavailable: 180 | Total: 870 | 79.3% free K1 | Available: 488 | Unavailable: 44 | Total: 532 | 91.7% free KW | Available: 436 | Unavailable: 167 | Total: 603 | 72.3% free L1 | Available: 779 | Unavailable: 69 | Total: 848 | 91.9% free SK1 | Available: 2026 | Unavailable: 210 | Total: 2236 | 90.6% free SK2 | Available: 1492 | Unavailable: 322 | Total: 1814 | 82.2% free SK3 | Available: 809 | Unavailable: 219 | Total: 1028 | 78.7% free SK4 | Available: 1804 | Unavailable: 244 | Total: 2048 | 88.1% free WH | Available: 490 | Unavailable: 277 | Total: 767 | 63.9% free ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── TOTAL | Available: 13757 | Unavailable: 5300 | Total: 19057 | 27.8% unavailable

What’s with the ****ing filter they put on everything that makes it look as if we play in bloody turquoise.

Another go at the Champions League would probably have been the worst thing to happen to us then. It would have given Top, Rudkin and Rodgers the delusions of being a permanent CL club and spent accordingly. We’d have become even more unsustainable and then be one bad league finish off from an even greater financial apocalypse.

I realised that but I don’t think the desperation to get out of the Championship is quite a weighty as it is to get out of League One.

So when we were in the PL the best they could do was Steve “bores himself to sleep” Cooper as he had PL experience, when we were crying out for something imaginative and left field. We go down and actually need a boring appointment with experience of League One to get us the **** out and we’re linked with left field European managers and completely unproven assistants. This ****ing club.

He’s now the King of Thailand.

B1 | Available: 338 | Unavailable: 752 | Total: 1090 | 31.0% free B3 | Available: 237 | Unavailable: 799 | Total: 1036 | 22.9% free C1 | Available: 411 | Unavailable: 567 | Total: 978 | 42.0% free G1 | Available: 946 | Unavailable: 47 | Total: 993 | 95.3% free G2 | Available: 891 | Unavailable: 106 | Total: 997 | 89.4% free H1 | Available: 1206 | Unavailable: 189 | Total: 1395 | 86.5% free J1 | Available: 727 | Unavailable: 219 | Total: 946 | 76.8% free J2 | Available: 442 | Unavailable: 434 | Total: 876 | 50.5% free J3 | Available: 741 | Unavailable: 129 | Total: 870 | 85.2% free K1 | Available: 495 | Unavailable: 37 | Total: 532 | 93.0% free KW | Available: 448 | Unavailable: 155 | Total: 603 | 74.3% free L1 | Available: 787 | Unavailable: 61 | Total: 848 | 92.8% free SK1 | Available: 2052 | Unavailable: 184 | Total: 2236 | 91.8% free SK2 | Available: 1543 | Unavailable: 271 | Total: 1814 | 85.1% free SK3 | Available: 847 | Unavailable: 181 | Total: 1028 | 82.4% free SK4 | Available: 1828 | Unavailable: 220 | Total: 2048 | 89.3% free WH | Available: 376 | Unavailable: 391 | Total: 767 | 49.0% free ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── TOTAL | Available: 14315 | Unavailable: 4742 | Total: 19057 | 24.9% unavailable Looks to have sold another 435 since I checked on Monday. Maybe the Netflix effect.

If there wasn’t some kind of advantage to be gained from the opposition watching your training you can sure as shit believe that clubs would be monetising live feeds of training. I’d pay £5.99 a month for the off chance of a training ground punch up.

It’s a ****ing long drive from Southampton to Middlesbrough for no material benefit.

It can sometimes take an entire half of a match before you can readjust to a particular way a team is setup. Imagine being able to do that from the start, you’ve gained a huge advantage. Not only that if Southampton played a particular way and Boro were setting up to counter that, Southampton would already know that and could then adjust accordingly. There’s so much more they could learn than just watching back matches.

That presupposes the EFL actually want to enforce their rules and make a difficult decision. They’ll do everything they can to get this over and done with. I can totally imagine them buying that excuse if it closes the case. They’ll weigh up the legal headache that Boro can give them. That excuse is already being touted in the media: ”Given Boro are in possession of what they consider “strong” CCTV evidence of the alleged offence, it is understood Southampton will not contest the charge at an independent disciplinary commission scheduled to convene within the next fortnight. They may, however, try to claim the man in question was an intern, desperate to impress and acting unilaterally as a lone wolf.”

Southampton will be given to time to get their story straight. They’ll say it was a rogue employee looking to impress and did this of his own volition and wasn’t asked to do it by anyone in the Club’s hierarchy. The EFL will breathe a sigh of relief and sweep it under the carpet. They will then win the playoffs and a month later CCTV footage of the same guy outside another club’s training ground from a previous fixture will be released and there will be an unholy legal cluster**** the EFL will botch.

Cheats, cheats, cheats

LCFC Online Retail Lead: OK guys we've got 23 items to get in before the big day. The crowds are going to be pouring through these doors and they're going to want the highest quality merch that they've come to expect from this club. Right ideas people! Sarah: How about drinking paraphernalia, glasses, coasters, that sort of thing. I think we can all use a drink after this season! LCFC Online Retail Lead: Hahaha! That's exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for, print it, get it made! Paul: How about a little hat for your cat? LCFC Online Retail Lead: ... but not sure that really captures the spirit of the 5000/1 mate Sarah: how about mugs? everyone like a brew. LCFC Online Retail Lead: Classic Sarah, keep them coming. Paul: How about a little LCFC branded castle for your fish tank. Like your gold fish could live in it? LCFC Online Retail Lead: ...love the energy again mate but we've only got 23 items here, we need to make each one count, it needs to distill everything that made the 5000/1 special. Sarah: Another collab with AOF on some overpriced t-shirts? LCFC Online Retail Lead: you read my mind, get on the phone to the AOF guys and make it happen. Paul: Dog bandanas. Bandanas for your dog? LCFC Online Retail Lead:... **** it yeah why not Paul.