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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm wondering if anyone would like to invest in my new idea for a Cambodian restaurant, Phnom Nom Nom?

 

davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, suffolk fox said:

What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup.........Well, you can Roast Beef but you can't Pea Soup.

Have I Time Warped to being 5 years old again :P

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, shen said:

Shouldn't that be Cambodian? :ph34r:

I'm a postie, you can't expect me to get addresses right.

  • Thanks 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm wondering if anyone would like to invest in my new idea for a Cambodian restaurant, Phnom Nom Nom?

 

8 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm a postie, you can't expect me to get addresses right.

But I'm sure you'd get the fliers for your restaurant through every letterbox on your route.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Parafox said:

 

But I'm sure you'd get the fliers for your restaurant through every letterbox on your route.

I hate delivering leaflets :angry:

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I hate delivering leaflets :angry:

I bet you do as probably every postie does. 

 

Is it right that if flyers aren't delivered the PO gets fined as there's a contractual agreement?

 

BTW our regular postie is a really nice bloke, always has the time of day and a greeting if we meet. I imagine you're a stalwart too.

 

I still remember when I was living with my foster carer when I was 5 or 6, (circa 1959) the postie always got invited in for a brew. It was a small village so I guess there wasn't the need to complete a round within a certain time. 

Edited by Parafox
  • Like 2
adam1

adam1

Posted
Posted

Three altar boys line up for confession. 

 

The first one goes in and says, “Bless me, Father. I’ve committed an impure act with a girl classmate.”

 

The priest asks, “Was it Bridget O’Flaherty?”

 

The altar boy says, “ I can’t say, father.”

 

The priest asks, “Was it Caroline Murphy?” 

 

The altar boy says, “Please don’t ask, father.”

 

Then the priest asks, “Was it Jennifer Smith?”

 

The altar boy says, “If I say who it is, father, she could get a reputation.”

 

So the priest says, “Although what you did is wrong and sinful, it is decent of you to withhold her name. For penance, I want you to say two rosaries, and you can’t serve mass for a month.”

 

Leaving the confessional, one of the other altar boys asks him, “What did you get?”

 

And he replies, “A month off and three good leads!”

 

  • Haha 2
The Bear

The Bear

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Parafox said:

Is it right that if flyers aren't delivered the PO gets fined as there's a contractual agreement?

 

BTW our regular postie is a really nice bloke, always has the time of day and a greeting if we meet. I imagine you're a stalwart too.

 

I still remember when I was living with my foster carer when I was 5 or 6, (circa 1959) the postie always got invited in for a brew. It was a small village so I guess there wasn't the need to complete a round within a certain time. 

Was his name Pat? 

 

He was always sticking his nose into everyone's business. Get back in your van and deliver the mail FFS.

 

"Busy c**t!" (Danny Dyer) 

 

 

 

 

Edited by The Bear
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Parafox said:

I bet you do as probably every postie does. 

 

Is it right that if flyers aren't delivered the PO gets fined as there's a contractual agreement?

 

BTW our regular postie is a really nice bloke, always has the time of day and a greeting if we meet. I imagine you're a stalwart too.

 

I still remember when I was living with my foster carer when I was 5 or 6, (circa 1959) the postie always got invited in for a brew. It was a small village so I guess there wasn't the need to complete a round within a certain time. 

I'm not sure about contractual agreement, but it's frequently very dumb. We have to deliver garage door leaflets, or patio door leaflets to people who live in flats. A couple of weeks ago I was delivering Always sanitary towel leaflets to a street that was all warden assisted living for people over 60.

 

This next one is one out of the "you couldn't make it up" textbook.

 

In Hinckley, and I'd be interested to hear from anyone who lives in Hinckley, they are trialing a service where we're delivering Aldi catalogues and we have to knock the door and essentially say, "this is your new Aldi catalogue, with all these great special offers in."

 

It sounds insane, but I've asked management and apparently it's true. Royal Mail would get us to do anything if you give them enough money. 

 

What next?

 

Merging with Deliveroo and picking up your Egg-fried chicken rice as we pass the Chinese takeaway?

 

All Special Deliveries presented on a silver platter with a triumphal fanfare?

 

We could even do funerals. Six posties turn up and carry your loved one's coffin off into a van, to then be chucked over someone's garden gate.

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I'm not sure about contractual agreement, but it's frequently very dumb. We have to deliver garage door leaflets, or patio door leaflets to people who live in flats. A couple of weeks ago I was delivering Always sanitary towel leaflets to a street that was all warden assisted living for people over 60.

 

This next one is one out of the "you couldn't make it up" textbook.

 

In Hinckley, and I'd be interested to hear from anyone who lives in Hinckley, they are trialing a service where we're delivering Aldi catalogues and we have to knock the door and essentially say, "this is your new Aldi catalogue, with all these great special offers in."

 

It sounds insane, but I've asked management and apparently it's true. Royal Mail would get us to do anything if you give them enough money. 

 

What next?

 

Merging with Deliveroo and picking up your Egg-fried chicken rice as we pass the Chinese takeaway?

 

All Special Deliveries presented on a silver platter with a triumphal fanfare?

 

We could even do funerals. Six posties turn up and carry your loved one's coffin off into a van, to then be chucked over someone's garden gate.

I live in Hinckley and so far we haven't had any Aldi catalogues delivered.

 

But what if there's no one home? Does the postie then have to shove the catalogue through the letter box accompanied by a slip of paper with the words you've quoted on it?

 

I'm sure you and your colleagues know that these things go straight into the recycling bin anyway.

 

I've thought of having 2 letterboxes. One for actual mail and the other specifically for junk.

Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted
On 26/03/2026 at 21:09, davieG said:

Have I Time Warped to being 5 years old again :P

The adult version is what’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I’ve never paid to watch a lentil…

  • Haha 2
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

I don't like German sausages and I don't like German hamburgers.

 

The thing is, I'm not sure which is würst.

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I don't like German sausages and I don't like German hamburgers.

 

The thing is, I'm not sure which is würst.

 

I think the "Joke Thread" has run it's course. 

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Nah, I got loads more in me.

Oh God, no. 

I thought @Izzywas bad enough.

Edited by Parafox
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The Bear

The Bear

Posted
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Posted

My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you only seem to get sick on weekdays". 

 

I said "It must be down to my weekend immune system". 

  • Haha 5
  • 3 weeks later...

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