Random comedy quotes

[Unit]

"In memory of a loving mother, a beloved ****" - Larry david

[hebangsthedrums]

Gareth: If you like top trumps you should come to me. I got about five different sets. Don’t try to beat me on monster trucks though cos you won’t. My specialty.

Rachel: Yeah, will it’s a game of chance though-

Gareth: No, it’s not. I would know what cards you got, immediately, just through which cards I got. I used to play it, just by myself, dummy hand, just testing out every different scenario, which cards beat which other cards for hours, three or four hours at a time. But put in the work, the rewards are obvious.

[Jay]

"In memory of a loving mother, a beloved ****" - Larry david

what an episode that was!!!

you can't beat a bit of Curb!!

[Unabomber]

All David Brent

"I said, 'If Head Office try and come here and interfere, they've got me to contend with, okay? You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family. You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does.'"

"I suppose I've created an atmosphere here where I'm a friend first, boss second. Probably an entertainer third."

"When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer's always the same, to me, they're not mutually exclusive."

"If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say um, Einstein, Newton... you know. I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett... Sessions."

[Mrs Janx]

Used to love the well known quotes from the Carry on Films (did a great Kenneth Williams impression !!), Withnail and I and latterly the stuff on Family Guy - think he modelled himself on Stuey !!

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

"The Scots don't like us English, they're jealous of our continental ways."

---Garth Merenghi---

[Alexikokopops]

Used to love the well known quotes from the Carry on Films (did a great Kenneth Williams impression !!), Withnail and I and latterly the stuff on Family Guy - think he modelled himself on Stuey !!

"I can't handle raw meat with my bare hands. As a youth I used to weep in butcher shops"

Love it.

[Webbo]

From The Royle Family;

We're sticking with Dairylea from now on, it's a much safer cheese.

(That doesn't make much sense out of context but it makes me laugh).

[Guest]

latterly the stuff on Family Guy - think he modelled himself on Stuey !!

Really, I thought he was just going bald!

Seriously though, hope that you and Charlie are ok.

[The People's Hero]

Used to love the well known quotes from the Carry on Films (did a great Kenneth Williams impression !!), Withnail and I and latterly the stuff on Family Guy - think he modelled himself on Stuey !!

Hello!

All the best to yourself and Charlie.

[Bert]

I'd love to help but I have a bamboo oar stuck up my gangees. It's very serious stuff.

Good old Van Wilder.