Father Zingari's Confessional Box

[Zingari]

Welcome to Father Zingari's Confessional Box

OK I'm prepared to start

Bless me father for i have sinned .

Since my last confession which was about 50 years ago I wish to ask for pardon and absolution ..........blah blah blah, sign of the cross etc

Many years ago as a lustful teenager I went to the local tavelling funfair looking for a bit of "girly action" ( there was none of that, so if that's what you want to hear you may as well stop reading now )

Anyway it came to pass that I decided to try my luck on the air rifle shooting range and try to win one of the beatiful prizes on display

I paid my money and to my suprise I found that I had an extra pellet .

I shot at the targets and got two down , but the only other person shooting at the range was a young lad further along who hadn't hit any with about three shots

So for some inexplicable reason, while he and the nice gipsy lady behind the counter were not looking , I shot at a beatiful glass vase that was in front of him and it shattered .

She turned on him with absolute rage and he claimed his innocence and said it must have been someone else , so she looked at my pellets and saw that had the right amount still left after shooting down two targets

Lots of fairground roughs turned up and threw the lad out who was now nearly in tears .As he was such a crap shot ,they must have believed it was an accident but still threw him out

I feel really bad about this and as I still remember the drill I will tell myself to say 3 "Hail Mary's" and 5 "Our Fathers" for my penance

Anyone else like to confess a long hidden sin ?

[cambridgefox]

Welcome to Father Zingari's Confessional Box

OK I'm prepared to start

Bless me father for i have sinned .

Since my last confession which was about 50 years ago I wish to ask for pardon and absolution ..........blah blah blah, sign of the cross etc

Many years ago as a lustful teenager I went to the local tavelling funfair looking for a bit of "girly action" ( there was none of that, so if that's what you want to hear you may as well stop reading now )

Anyway it came to pass that I decided to try my luck on the air rifle shooting range and try to win one of the beatiful prizes on display

I paid my money and to my suprise I found that I had an extra pellet .

I shot at the targets and got two down , but the only other person shooting at the range was a young lad further along who hadn't hit any with about three shots

So for some inexplicable reason, while he and the nice gipsy lady behind the counter were not looking , I shot at a beatiful glass vase that was in front of him and it shattered .

She turned on him with absolute rage and he claimed his innocence and said it must have been someone else , so she looked at my pellets and saw that had the right amount still left after shooting down two targets

Lots of fairground roughs turned up and threw the lad out who was now nearly in tears .As he was such a crap shot ,they must have believed it was an accident but still threw him out

I feel really bad about this and as I still remember the drill I will tell myself to say 3 "Hail Mary's" and 5 "Our Fathers" for my penance

Anyone else like to confess a long hidden sin ?

yes,years ago i was chucked out of a funfair for smashing a glass vase at the rifle range,something i did not do,all i remember was some other kid making wiity comments about if someone died starting with"one day.....next day....."now that thought stuck in my mind i have now killed at least 1000 people with a funfair rifle,now whos laughing!!

[jonthefox]

Bless me father for i have sinned.

I once went out with a girl who supported forest.

[One Arm Babba]

I went out last night and got very drunk father....

I then came home with a stranger....

and, I proceeded to fornicate with her....

Is that ok? or will I burn in hell?

[I am Rod Hull]

yes,years ago i was chucked out of a funfair for smashing a glass vase at the rifle range,something i did not do,all i remember was some other kid making wiity comments about if someone died starting with"one day.....next day....."now that thought stuck in my mind i have now killed at least 1000 people with a funfair rifle,now whos laughing!!

[Zingari]

Bless me father for i have sinned.

I once went out with a girl who supported forest.

there's nothing wrong with giving forest a good stuffing , you're absolved

bless you my child

I went out last night and got very drunk father....

I then came home with a stranger....

and, I proceeded to fornicate with her....

Is that ok? or will I burn in hell?

for your sins , say 3 hail marys and juggle with some rotten raw eggs, mr one arm

bless you

[Mee]

there's nothing wrong with giving forest a good stuffing , you're absolved

bless you my child

for your sins , say 3 hail marys and juggle with some rotten raw eggs, mr one arm

bless you

[Zingari]

yes,years ago i was chucked out of a funfair for smashing a glass vase at the rifle range,something i did not do,all i remember was some other kid making wiity comments about if someone died starting with"one day.....next day....."now that thought stuck in my mind i have now killed at least 1000 people with a funfair rifle,now whos laughing!!

for your sins you must say 5 hail marys and use your penis as bait while fishing for pike

bless you

[Guest Bilo]

Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 26 years since my last confession.

I copped off with a girl for a bottle of Bud , stole an inflatable doll from a stag do and pissed in a mate's kettle when I got home because I couldn't be arsed to go upstairs.

Good night out though.

[Zingari]

Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 26 years since my last confession.

I copped off with a girl for a bottle of Bud , stole an inflatable doll from a stag do and pissed in a mate's kettle when I got home because I couldn't be arsed to go upstairs.

Good night out though.

i'm amused but a little confused

did you use the real girl or the inflatable doll for any lascivious purposes ?

if so , 5 our fathers if it's the real girl

3 hail marys if it was the doll

all 8 if it was both

i'll let you off with the kettle business as did not the god lord himself once turn water into wine , so if you turned piss into the next day's morning cuppa , you can only be applauded

[cambridgefox]

20 odd years ago me and my mates went on a weekend to a holiday camp.we were rendered and for some unknown reason were shaking the metal lamposts,now one of them snapped.we laid it across the road and legged it.The light was still on.After an hour we wandered to the scene of crime,a crowd of people about 3 deep had gathered as well as the holiday park management.Loads of lads were going"yeah,we done that,funny isnt it" now we knew the truth,but when a £400 repair bill was being banded around we didnt say a word.I liked the way the cars were unable to pass,we laughed about it the next week,but at the time we thought it would cost us some money.

Please forgive me.ps no more fishing with my penis(see last confessions) as bait these treble hooks are killing me!

[Itsthejoeker]

Me and a few friends stole some small children's giant snowman and turned it into a road block

[Zingari]

20 odd years ago me and my mates went on a weekend to a holiday camp.we were rendered and for some unknown reason were shaking the metal lamposts,now one of them snapped.we laid it across the road and legged it.The light was still on.After an hour we wandered to the scene of crime,a crowd of people about 3 deep had gathered as well as the holiday park management.Loads of lads were going"yeah,we done that,funny isnt it" now we knew the truth,but when a £400 repair bill was being banded around we didnt say a word.I liked the way the cars were unable to pass,we laughed about it the next week,but at the time we thought it would cost us some money.

Please forgive me.ps no more fishing with my penis(see last confessions) as bait these treble hooks are killing me!

i can only assume that this lamppost broke because of shoddy workmanship that is all too prevalent on these holiday camps ( or stalag lufts as i prefer to call them )

but you must receive some penance for not trying to get some compensation out of the owners by claiming that it just fell on top of your head

1 hail mary and you must watch the jeremy kyle tv program for a week

bless you

[Zingari]

Me and a few friends stole some small children's giant snowman and turned it into a road block

presumably this was around Xmas time

the good lord wouldn't mind a bit of high jinks on or around his birthday celebration period

you're absolved

bless you

[The Year Of The Fox]

My old boss used to bring a boiled egg to work everyay, which he got into the habit of having whilst driving. He'd always crack it by smacking it on the dashboard. One day I swapped it for a raw egg, and the inevitable happened. He blamed his wife for not cooking it!

[Trav Le Bleu]

I'm pure as the driven snow.

Next.

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

I have had this on my conscience for some forty years now. A Scottish mate, and myself went on the piss one night. I was drinking beer, and he was drinking large whiskies. He was so pissed at closing time, that I decided to help him home. As we were making our way along Maidenhead High Street, I badly needed a pee. I propped him up against, a local banks night safe, and told him to hang onto it's handle.. As I was just about finished, I saw a police car coming along the road. Quickly, I did my zip up, and undid his. The car stopped, and to cut a long story short, he was arrested for urinating in a public place, as well as being drunk. He was fined for both offences.

When I saw him a few days later, he said he couldn't remember a thing, and apologised to me for his bad behaviour, for which I duly forgave him.

Sorry, Richard. I have always felt guilty about this.

[cambridgefox]

I have had this on my conscience for some forty years now. A Scottish mate, and myself went on the piss one night. I was drinking beer, and he was drinking large whiskies. He was so pissed at closing time, that I decided to help him home. As we were making our way along Maidenhead High Street, I badly needed a pee. I propped him up against, a local banks night safe, and told him to hang onto it's handle.. As I was just about finished, I saw a police car coming along the road. Quickly, I did my zip up, and undid his. The car stopped, and to cut a long story short, he was arrested for urinating in a public place, as well as being drunk. He was fined for both offences.

When I saw him a few days later, he said he couldn't remember a thing, and apologised to me for his bad behaviour, for which I duly forgave him.

Sorry, Richard. I have always felt guilty about this.

Fantastic,i used to work in a bank in the old days and the nightsafe was always a good place for people to piss!

[The Doctor]

Clean as a whistle me.

[Uncle Phil]

Many years ago me and a lad from down the street were playing take one of your shoe laces off, tie a rock in it and swing it round. He and his family weren't too popular on the street, some might say they were a bunch of ar*eholes.

Anyway, my rock came out and went nicely through our front door window. Naturally I claimed innocence and said he'd done it and thought nothing of it. Then about a year or two ago whilst having a family meal, it came out that it was in fact me that broke the window, and I discovered my dad had taken the bill down to their house and made the lads parents pay it.

It proved to be the last straw for that family, the house was up for sale soon after and they moved away.

I felt a bit bad upon learning that, I'm sure he'd have got a right royal rolloking off his dad.

[Zingari]

I have had this on my conscience for some forty years now. A Scottish mate, and myself went on the piss one night. I was drinking beer, and he was drinking large whiskies. He was so pissed at closing time, that I decided to help him home. As we were making our way along Maidenhead High Street, I badly needed a pee. I propped him up against, a local banks night safe, and told him to hang onto it's handle.. As I was just about finished, I saw a police car coming along the road. Quickly, I did my zip up, and undid his. The car stopped, and to cut a long story short, he was arrested for urinating in a public place, as well as being drunk. He was fined for both offences.

When I saw him a few days later, he said he couldn't remember a thing, and apologised to me for his bad behaviour, for which I duly forgave him.

Sorry, Richard. I have always felt guilty about this.

Mr Tiger

The good lord himself was not a great fan of the money changers in the temple and felt they needed to be cleansed , so i'll go easy with the penance and Richard would have probably pissed somewhere else later anyway

Say 3 our fathers and partake in a tea ceremony at Mr Bilo's house

My old boss used to bring a boiled egg to work everyay, which he got into the habit of having whilst driving. He'd always crack it by smacking it on the dashboard. One day I swapped it for a raw egg, and the inevitable happened. He blamed his wife for not cooking it!

Mr Stu

A very amusing confession and some might say your boss got his cumuppance ( including me ) for the disgusting habit of eating eggs in confined spaces , but it's still sinful nonetheless

say 1 our father and ask his missus to give him some other snack meal

[Zingari]

Many years ago me and a lad from down the street were playing take one of your shoe laces off, tie a rock in it and swing it round. He and his family weren't too popular on the street, some might say they were a bunch of ar*eholes.

Anyway, my rock came out and went nicely through our front door window. Naturally I claimed innocence and said he'd done it and thought nothing of it. Then about a year or two ago whilst having a family meal, it came out that it was in fact me that broke the window, and I discovered my dad had taken the bill down to their house and made the lads parents pay it.

It proved to be the last straw for that family, the house was up for sale soon after and they moved away.

I felt a bit bad upon learning that, I'm sure he'd have got a right royal rolloking off his dad.

Uncle Phil

David had to learn how to use a slingshot to slay Goliath so maybe it was your devotion to biblical stories that made you act in this way

1 hail mary is sufficient

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

Mr Tiger

The good lord himself was not a great fan of the money changers in the temple and felt they needed to be cleansed , so i'll go easy with the penance and Richard would have probably pissed somewhere else later anyway

Say 3 our fathers and partake in a tea ceremony at Mr Bilo's house

Mr Stu

A very amusing confession and some might say your boss got his cumuppance ( including me ) for the disgusting habit of eating eggs in confined spaces , but it's still sinful nonetheless

say 1 our father and ask his missus to give him some other snack meal

Mr Tiger

The good lord himself was not a great fan of the money changers in the temple and felt they needed to be cleansed , so i'll go easy with the penance and Richard would have probably pissed somewhere else later anyway

Say 3 our fathers and partake in a tea ceremony at Mr Bilo's house

Mr Stu

A very amusing confession and some might say your boss got his cumuppance ( including me ) for the disgusting habit of eating eggs in confined spaces , but it's still sinful nonetheless

say 1 our father and ask his missus to give him some other snack meal

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

Sorry, my computer is suffering from the heat!

Sat up all night praying for forgiveness. I am sure Richard has forgiven me, wherever he is.. I hope so, err, :sweating:

[skinnydipper]

Dear Father Zingari,

Having spent 3 years at a boarding school run by priests I am a little nervous at the thought of getting in your confessional box. I had previously thought that it was for the confessor to expose his sins to The Lord but my priest said that it was entirely normal for the clergy to do the exposing.

Before I decide whether to bare my soul to you I need answers to 2 questions;

a) have you been police checked recently or at all?

b) do you insist that sinners repent on their knees?

God bless,

Skinny D