Mike Oxlong Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 Her - "The bin needs emptying" Me - "Ok, thanks for letting me know" Later on Her - "Why didn't you empty the bin when I asked you to" Me - "But you didn't ask me to ....."
Guest MattP Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 "Shall we have another drink before we go" "Up to you babe" *Gets drink* "Quite night here isn't it? *ignores*
The People's Hero Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 I blame whoever it was that received the first ever blowjob, up until that point women were just nothing more than baby factories, it obviously blew his mind, but he should never have admitted it, he should have said "It's OK I spose, it will do as an alternative to sex, if you're not in the mood or on the blob." Instead he went. "Oh my god that was amazing! Give me 5 minutes then can you do it again?" and in that five minutes he had to catch a mammoth, give her a back rub, clean the cave, tell her she didn't look fat in that fur, invent shoes just so she could have lots of them, promise not to bang any other cavewomen, or men, or sabretoothed sheep, commit to a long term monogamous relationship, stop going to the footrock and put up with her irrational mood swings and listen to her gossip about the cavesluts. You may think this was a lot to do in five minutes, but they hadn't really defined the concept of time back then, which meant that that 5 minutes never actually ended and he had lost the battle of the sexes forever. Of course if they had defined the concept of time back then I would have added had to put up with her always being late, even though she knows what time we are leaving the house, and how long she needs to get ready, and that she needs to factor in time to get ready twice because at some point she will find a stain that nobody else can see on her dress, or realise that the shoes she was planning to wear are too comfortable and she really wants to rip her feet to shreds by the end of the night so she can walk home barefooted and nag at me for a piggyback, and get the hump when I point out that I suggested talking a pair of flat shoes with us, even offered to carry them, but no, for some reason tonight was going to be the night when those shoes magically stopped leaving her feet calloused and blistered like they had done every other bloody time, and I'm going to be expected to massage them when we get back because if I don't she will be in a mood with me, but if I do there is a slim, ever so slim chance that she might give me a blow job. What I'm saying is, blow jobs are great aren't they, and as soon as men evolve to give themselves one then we will finally solve the overpopulation crisis. Maybe try showering more often?
Mike Oxlong Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 I blame whoever it was that received the first ever blowjob, up until that point women were just nothing more than baby factories, it obviously blew his mind, but he should never have admitted it, he should have said "It's OK I spose, it will do as an alternative to sex, if you're not in the mood or on the blob." Instead he went. "Oh my god that was amazing! Give me 5 minutes then can you do it again?" and in that five minutes he had to catch a mammoth, give her a back rub, clean the cave, tell her she didn't look fat in that fur, invent shoes just so she could have lots of them, promise not to bang any other cavewomen, or men, or sabretoothed sheep, commit to a long term monogamous relationship, stop going to the footrock and put up with her irrational mood swings and listen to her gossip about the cavesluts. You may think this was a lot to do in five minutes, but they hadn't really defined the concept of time back then, which meant that that 5 minutes never actually ended and he had lost the battle of the sexes forever. Of course if they had defined the concept of time back then I would have added had to put up with her always being late, even though she knows what time we are leaving the house, and how long she needs to get ready, and that she needs to factor in time to get ready twice because at some point she will find a stain that nobody else can see on her dress, or realise that the shoes she was planning to wear are too comfortable and she really wants to rip her feet to shreds by the end of the night so she can walk home barefooted and nag at me for a piggyback, and get the hump when I point out that I suggested talking a pair of flat shoes with us, even offered to carry them, but no, for some reason tonight was going to be the night when those shoes magically stopped leaving her feet calloused and blistered like they had done every other bloody time, and I'm going to be expected to massage them when we get back because if I don't she will be in a mood with me, but if I do there is a slim, ever so slim chance that she might give me a blow job. What I'm saying is, blow jobs are great aren't they, and as soon as men evolve to give themselves one then we will finally solve the overpopulation crisis. Does she know Bill Clinton?
kingfox Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 A girl at work today said to me. Hello you alright. I'm I onto something here then?
Captain... Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 A girl at work today said to me. Hello you alright. I'm I onto something here then? Were you staring at here? If so it was probably, "Hello?... Are you alright?" mistaking you for a drooling simpleton that had wandered off from your carer.
kingfox Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 Were you staring at here? If so it was probably, "Hello?... Are you alright?" mistaking you for a drooling simpleton that had wandered off from your carer. For a change I wasn't staring.
Danno Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 Could you imagine instead of loose women we had a similar show but with men, just bitching about women for an hour there'd be uproar.It'd probably banned after a few episodes for being 'sexist'
The God Emperor Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 women. the ancient greeks had it right. keep them as slaves and baby factories and just enjoy the man love
AoWW Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 It's simple, if I say "I'm fine", I'm anything but fine.
Zingari Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 It's simple, if I say "I'm fine", I'm anything but fine. Well, Are you fine ? Not that I'll be able understand the answer now
Guest ttfn Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 A girl at work today said to me. Hello you alright. I'm I onto something here then? You need to spend less time talking to Lamby.
Rincewind Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 Maybe holding your sausage roll in a provocative manner in the works canteen prompted the question.
kingfox Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 You need to spend less time talking to Lamby. Talking. We go out with each other. We have a special Friday Night at Burger King date every week.
Mike Oxlong Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 A girl at work today said to me. Hello you alright. I'm I onto something here then? How long now since you got that job as a classroom assistant?
kingfox Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 How long now since you got that job as a classroom assistant? 4 weeks.
J.Lisemore Posted 3 October 2013 Posted 3 October 2013 Not sure whether its just a women thing but, I find it unbelievable at times when she is blatantly wrong about something and persists on being right. And not only that, they take it a step further... baring in mind I've now given up on the debate...she will STILL sit there and whine about it. Drives me up the wall, but then, sometimes I just laugh in disbelief.
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