Saxondale

Great. Got to drive to Bromsgrove in a bit and there's 'severe congestion' on the M42.

Lincolnshire. I'm sorry to Bilo and whoever else lives there, but... How can a county be so large but so devoid of character? Most of all the small towns manage to be old-fashioned yet completely absent of the charm usually associated with 'olde worlde' places (Horncastle, Market Rasen etc). They're just backwards.The larger towns are like an assortment of the terrible results of some sick social experiments (Grantham, Boston etc.) and are as attractive as Hiroshima in the early fifties. The hamlets are a mixture of run-down utilitarian farmers' cottages and horrific 70s bungalows that look like if you asked a five year old to draw a house. The South of the county is flat and featureless like some depressing desert of shite and, if you're stupid enough to come off the road (which is very difficult considering you will be stuck behind a tractor doing 20mph), you'll end up in a dyke. The middle bit has the Wolds, which would probably seem very interesting and charming if you'd spent your life in the fens. The North is characterised by Grimsby and Scunthorpe, which I don't even need to mention. There are no decent roads, so getting anywhere takes absolutely forever - unless you want to get to Grimsby from Doncaster (which you don't) in which case you have the M74 with it's noisy surface and no proper services. For a job, you can either work for the RAF mopping the floors of the aircraft hangers or go and pick cabbages in the fields. In terms of accents, some Lincs folk will get very excited about the local dialect, which is not particularly characterful. In reality, people who live in Grantham sound like they're from Nottingham, in Boston and Spalding they sound like they're from Lithuania (because they are) or maybe Kings Lynn if they're unfortunate enough to be born locally, in Scunthorpe they sound like they're from Hull. If you're from Lincoln or the surroundings, you may have a more archetypal Lincs accent, which is essentially a generic, softened-down East Mids accent but with more lingering on the vowels for no apparent reason. I apologise again, but this is just how I see it!

So those annoying fitties go round bars selling silly shots of brightly coloured rubbish. That's fine, OK. But what gets me is that the shots are generally about 10% volume and people, unaware of this, insist on downing them ritualistically and gurning like they've just necked a tumbler of absinthe. Ridiculous!

I drive through Wymeswold a lot, but I don't think he even lives there does he?

Frankly, if you don't dance like the running man, you're not trying hard enough.

What good's Barry going to be? This is a serious investigation.

If all else fails, roll out the big gun - my mate Jacques

I'm in. Listen all y'all it's a sabotage!

:eek: I can't work out if this is a good thing or not. Or if it's real.

:mad: I hate these cvnts enough as it is without having to hear this!

That's a new one on me Al!

Absolute shits. This is the solution, I've decided Except replace rotten vegetables with shards of metal that they've also stolen.

They should automate the ruddy thing. I know it's age-restricted, blah blah... But there has to be a better way than the timewasters spending literally all day at the kiosk infuriating customers who just want to buy some cigarettes / Polos / Ribena.

Pros and cons of smoking aside, I think my point extends to anything in a supermarket that's only available at the kiosk! Stamps, mobile credit, scratchcards!

When trying to buy cigarettes at a supermarket from the one available till in the whole shop that can serve tobacco and there's always some ridiculous cretin in front taking 15 mins to have their past 12 months worth of lottery tickets checked and buying several dozen lines for their work syndicate. Let me buy my cigarettes please - it's a 20 second transaction! PS. I await the "herher, try not smoking then, herher" responses.

I'm mortified with myself. Just to clarify, I do actually know the rules!

And people who can't understand mini-roundabouts. Just because there's not a big grass mound in the middle, they can't get their thick heads around the rules. So they pull out in front of you and then usually swear or beep at you as if you're in the wrong. NOTHING in life frustrates me more than people trying to correct you when they're actually wrong and you're right!

This was absolutely fvcking disgusting. What must go through your head to want to do this?

Yes! Just lazy and disrespectful.

Just taking a breather from all the politics. We're all friends here. Who wants a brew?

Are you studying civil engineering or reproductive science?!

Perfume and fragrance adverts. Pretentious aspirational bollocks.

My misses' two new LoveFilm discs have just come through the door... Elizabeth I The Duchess FFS!

You know in an job interview when you inevitably get asked 'what are your weaknesses'? Well, how do you all answer it? Genuinely interested to hear how people interpret this!