Stopharage

Preferred this guy when he was going round beating people up with rolled up newspapers.

In: Paul Pogba Out: Jeremy Monga

Be great to get him in just so that Kristiansen has competition for the end of season ‘Worst hair’ award.

I'd rather we signed Chuba Pringles.

I think he’s very good in most areas but am totally unconvinced by his kicking. However I do like that when he faces a high press he’ll just launch the bloody thing as if it’s a hot bob-omb straight into touch.

Eduoard would suggest otherwise.

TBF if I was Ruud, I’d hope to be ousted from the shitshow going on behind the scenes and leave with a healthy pay-off.

Getting to the stage where I’d be happy if we signed Ali Dia.

At least if we had Musk as an owner, Liverpool fans would stop calling us Tories and start calling us Nazis instead.

Stay and play for AC Milan in the Champions' League. Or have the opportunity of a lifetime to play with the likes of Faes and Justin in a record breaking Premiership losing streak. The Duomo di Milano isn't worthy of comparison with the world famous Clock Tower. Sure he's on his way here as we speak.

Poor guy, he just needs a run in the team. The team being Crystal Palace.

I’m presuming that Cover is one of these 5 fabled signings we’re making. Along with Braybrooke, Souttar, Coulibaly and Ryan Bennett again.

Tbf none of them look particularly sellable. Who’s going to stump up the ridiculous fees we’ll probably ask for them, when they’re also on frankly ridiculous wages? We’d ask £5m for Justin and he’ll be on around £30k a week. Even the Saudis would balk at those figures.

Have you seen the chumps he has to pass to?

We deserve Gerrard.

If you think you're having a bad day, my son has gone up from London on the Fulham supporters coach with a few of his Fulham supporting mates. He's had to sit in the away end with them to watch this debacle surrounded by teenagers who get smashed on 3 cans of Carling. The trip back is going to be fun.

Soumare's best challenge all game and it's on El Khannous. Inspirational stuff.

Please could we get the inevitable dreadful second goal out of the way soon so I can go and get the car washed?

Daka’s key skill is the air kick. At least Vardy connects with the ball.

Sure there may be a couple of others that I haven’t remembered.

Our best bloody defender this year has been Nick De Marco.

When the Palace fans are singing 'Say Hello to Millwall', it really hammers home that we're utter dross and are better suited to the Premier Inn than the Premier League.

Daka showing his worth yet again.

Well, that’s me convinced.