Jimothy Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Good posts from both Moose and Captain in this thread. I also think you have to think of the awkward situation you're putting Mrs Buce in. When they come round and ask where you are, she's going to have to explain to her own brother why her husband doesn't want to be in the same room as him. It's not going to be pleasant for her, it's going to ruin her evening and potentially cause tension between her and her brother.
Buce Posted 6 April 2015 Author Posted 6 April 2015 Well, we have reached a resolution. Mrs B has decided that since it was my integrity and deeply held principles that attracted her to me in the first place (that, and my rapier-like wit, film star good looks, and my 9" cock.. ), it would be wrong to expect me to abandon them now. So I'm going to have an 'unavoidable previous engagement', and will discuss the situation with my nieces and nephew with regards to future such occasions. Thanks for all your input, guys - it's very much appreciated.
1993fox Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Well, we have reached a resolution. Mrs B has decided that since it was my integrity and deeply held principles that attracted her to me in the first place (that, and my rapier-like wit, film star good looks, and my 9" cock.. ), it would be wrong to expect me to abandon them now. So I'm going to have an 'unavoidable previous engagement', and will discuss the situation with my nieces and nephew with regards to future such occasions. Thanks for all your input, guys - it's very much appreciated. nice
Merging Cultures Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Sounds like a reasonable solution. But an unreasonable amount of detail.
MooseBreath Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Bet he's thinking "awesome, don't need to deal with limp brother in law" So what next? Are you going to avoid them forever?
Merging Cultures Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 He has made his stance, shown he doesn't approve, he doesn't need to avoid him forever. That wouldn't be very moral, when forgiveness (which doesn't imply approval) is the higher ground.
Buce Posted 6 April 2015 Author Posted 6 April 2015 wow nine inch very nice. Did I say inches? Never could get the hang of that damn metric system..
Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Think morals are a good thing, and yours are ones I'm inclined to hold myself, BUT do them morals outweigh your love for your wife? He's going to be her brother forever, there will be occasions you have to see each other in the future. If it was me I'd tell him, politely enough, what I thought then just put a smile on things. Not ideal, but you can't choose your family, you and him having real beef just makes things incredibly awkward for your wife.
MooseBreath Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 He has made his stance, shown he doesn't approve, he doesn't need to avoid him forever. That wouldn't be very moral, when forgiveness (which doesn't imply approval) is the higher ground. Assuming the brother in law realises that a stance is being made. Sounds to me like they're going to make up an excuse for Buce not being there. The brother might not know a stance is being made Surely a better idea would be to avoid lying to the brother in law and have Mrs Buce, or better yet Buce himself, tell the brother in law the truth about why he not there? Who knows a bit of communication might pave the way for a revealing dialogue between Buce and the brother that gives Buce some reason to sympathise. I don't think any problem got solved by lying to and ignoring someone.
Buce Posted 6 April 2015 Author Posted 6 April 2015 Bet he's thinking "awesome, don't need to deal with limp brother in law" So what next? Are you going to avoid them forever? Tbh, Moose, it was never a case of avoiding him; if he was coming on his own I would have less of a problem with it, but bringing 'the other woman' changes the dynamic for me. As for the future, that will depend on what his kids have to say. I don't impose my morality on anyone else, but neither will I apologize for it. At the end of the day I need to be able look at myself in the mirror.
Merging Cultures Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Assuming the brother in law realises that a stance is being made. Sounds to me like they're going to make up an excuse for Buce not being there. The brother might not know a stance is being made Surely a better idea would be to avoid lying to the brother in law and have Mrs Buce, or better yet Buce himself, tell the brother in law the truth about why he not there? Who knows a bit of communication might pave the way for a revealing dialogue between Buce and the brother that gives Buce some reason to sympathise. I don't think any problem got solved by lying to and ignoring someone. Good point. I think MPH said it earlier too. Give him a call and let him know why you won't be there.
Leeds Fox Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Pretty sure I can judge someone for abandoning their obligations Soon enough liberals will start telling us not to judge pedophiles and zoophiles. 'Pretty sure' the reply wasn't aimed at you. It looks like somebody wants an argument today.
DANGEROUS TIGER Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 Well, we have reached a resolution. Mrs B has decided that since it was my integrity and deeply held principles that attracted her to me in the first place (that, and my rapier-like wit, film star good looks, and my 9" cock.. ), it would be wrong to expect me to abandon them now. So I'm going to have an 'unavoidable previous engagement', and will discuss the situation with my nieces and nephew with regards to future such occasions. Thanks for all your input, guys - it's very much appreciated. I'm very pleased that you have mutually resolved the problem. You obviously have a good marriage.
Buce Posted 6 April 2015 Author Posted 6 April 2015 I'm very pleased that you have mutually resolved the problem. You obviously have a good marriage. Thanks, DT. She's one in a million - way too good for me.
Captain... Posted 6 April 2015 Posted 6 April 2015 The added detail from Buce does change things and I understand more his stance but I still think he should give them a chance. It could be he is a complete dick and his actions are completely unforgivable but he deserves a chance to justify himself and what he has done and to show you and his sister what he has broken up his family for. It could be when you see him with his new love you see him happier than you have ever seen him and recognise in him the love you clearly have for your wife or not you may see two despicable human beings who have destroyed two families for no reason, or something in between and you will be able to decide if he deserves any forgiveness, but until you see them together you won't know and for that reason I wouldn't put it off too long.
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