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davieG

Create your Leicester City Newspaper Headline/Story

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Posted

Mine didn't upload either so:

May 11, 2008.

By Bill and His Son

Lessta Pity's Chaplain today conducted a candlelit memorial service in the Garden of Remembrance to his once proud club which last week departed serious football circles for the first time in its long and sometimes illustrious history.

Supporters Club spokesman Stiff Gindowner read a lesson taken from the FA Coaching Manual Chapter 5 verses 7/8 on how to score goals but red-eyed mourners knew it was just an exercise in nostaliga and simply carried on weeping.

Asked afterwards who was to blame for the club's demise Gindowner said "no-one at the club, no-one at the club" and he was certainly right because the lights were all out and a disgruntled fan had already painted a For Sale sign on the locked and bolted reception door in silent comment on a sad, sad, situation.

Dismissed Team Manager Avi de-Lottaway hurried past as we spoke and the club chairman looked set to ask him if he wanted a Remembrance plaque of his own. But finally two Servilian heavies were seen carrying a giant envelope with some difficulty towards de-Lottaways waiting limousine.

Within seconds the limo glided away, strains of Kylie Minogue's "Lucky, Lucky Lucky, I should be so Lucky" reverberating into the night sky as it disappeared.

Meanwhile at Lessta's Blunderon Road Station the media circus gathered to wave goodbye to the Gravy Train.

Even half an hour before departure it was standing room only as police, crowd safety officers, security bods, turnstile operators, sports psychologists, dieticians, sports injury therapists, goalkeeper coaches, bench-sitting posture coaches, excuse-making coaches, matchday drink distributors, corner flag collectors all cramped aboard.

Station Guards were stunned by the numbers and broke into an impromptu rendering of "Can We Serve You Every Week".

Predictably, Lessta's fate was sealed at Spoke City where they failed to have a shot, failed to win a corner and failed to win any points in a 1-0 defeat.

Asked for his views on the game afterwards de-Lottaway, speaking inside the dressing room some were saying he'd lost, revealed:

"I hadn't realised this was the last match because the skipper never told me. And things went against us from the off, things we had no control over.

"For a start we learned that the last oatcake shop had closed and stopping off for oatcakes was an important part of our pre-match preparation.

"Then Spoke hit below the belt by giving free tickets away to local schoolkids with the result that the ground was a sea of red and white shirts. Our older players thought they were at the barbers and were far too relaxed from the off and that cost us an early goal."

As an excuse it was lame because everyone knows that only Thracian gets to the Barbers on matchdays. :D

All that remains to round off City's abject season is the official enquiry which the chairman announced after the memorial service and which he promised would be "thorough and searching".

The chairman would, he said, be interviewing himself and reporting back to himself.

And what about the three-year-plan?

"Yes," he said. "Start's tomorrow when I've finally agreed my terms as manager with the chairman". ;)

Posted

New Manager Sensation

A new manager was sensationally appointed at the Walkers today following the sacking of Ian Bolloway. Mr Fandaric explained "I sacked Ian due to a professional difference of opinion; I thought he was shit and he disagreed"

It is thought that Holloway was also dismissed over his refusal to sign a player against Mr Fandaric's orders."Through my contacts I have identified one of the most exciting prospects in U.S football" said Mr Fandaric."It is true that Milan Fandaric III is my grandson but he has the second highest number of assists for his college team Tampa Bay High U15s and is clearly one for the future"

Additionally Bolloway was reported as unhappy at having to use the whole of his transfer budget as a signing on fee for the 14 year old and break the wage stucture to meet the teenager's wage demands

In a bizarre twist Fandaric then appointed himself as the new manager,giving himself total contol over team selection and transfer policy. "By this action I intend to create stability and continuity for the club "said Mr Fandaric "after all everyone knows I have been doing this already"

Mr Fandaric said that he was impressed by the energy, passion, commitment and bloody-mindedness of the new manager and that under the new regime the team were expected to win every game " in fact if we don't Iwill be giving myself a bloody good talking to "said Mr Fandaric

Bookies expect Mr Fandaric to be the longest serving manager for some years after the chairman announced that it was most unlikely that he would sack the new incumbent

Caveat; the above article is purely fictitious and bears no resemblance to reality

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