Vacamion

I, for one, look forward to Leicester's Anschluß of Wigston into Greater Leicester. Shock Troops from The Saff and Knighton will march triumphantly over the border crossing points at the Blue Bridge on Stonesby Avenue, the bottom of Shackerdale Road, and at Welford Road by The Stage, where adoring locals will throw flowers at their feet to welcome them in. Today Big Leicester. Tomorrow the world.

Try whalloping the ball really hard towards the goal where they can't stop it. That might work.

Remember when they pitted Liz Truss against a lettuce? Well I reckon you could grow a lettuce before we score again.

Whatever the formation, we stink. Our stats reflect how awful we are. One day, we'll score. But it doesn't like it'll be soon.

Get the keeper up

Take your mind off it by listening to "It's a Heartache", by Bonnie Tyler.

I think it might have been VARed off for the way Vardy won it, but we'll never know.

So Man United have a player called Amass? They also have Amad (Diallo). Sounds like a Latin lesson.

People shouting for Soumaré to shoot - he was longer odds pre-game to score than all of our defenders and most of our subs.

"We can't show you the replay" = You'll all see it on the internet later.

I actually think if we score there will be ironic cheering, rather than full throated celebrations. We are that bad.

No, we are awful. We are hardly threatening and we are guaranteed to concede every game. Down with a whimper.

Soumaré hanging a leg there was such Soumaré midfielding.

This ref's giving us nowt.

There's going to be a lot of Newcastle players getting "cramp" and taking an age to get up. If Liverpool are within a goal, there will be 10 mins plus of added on time.

Peter Drury and his set of pre-prepared lines can do one.

Game needs a goal. Both sets of players crowding the ref, I hate to see it.

I want Harvey to play well, but the ideal outcome for me is a Liverpool win (spits), so that Newcastle still won't have won anything since Pathé News reported it, whilst we've won loads, despite our current woes.

Speaking from local experience, the smell is pocket sized bottles of buckie, badly cut speed, a soupçon of grey trackie bottoms, with finishing notes of blood-laced-spittle and domestic violence.

Kasper and corners. We know this script...

Changing it to a European Rugby Championship, with relegation from the top group, and promotion from a second tier, brings other nations into it and, at the moment, risks a Wales or Italy or Scotland dropping down. So I'm a fan of the idea.

That's a paddlin'.

Certainly not any surprise that Wolves are ahead in Southampton. Southampton are in the running to be one of the worst ever sides in the Premier League's history. Even we (somewhat squeakily) beat them there. 9 points adrift is fair reward for our form over the last three months.

Liverpool had their chances, but they were clinging on for dear life at the end of ET. PSG deserved it and will give anyone a hell of a game.

Bye then