Depression

[urban.spaceman]

Wonderful start to the morning, yet another job rejection for a position that felt tailor made for me. Rejection sensitivity disorder has absolutely kicked in and it feels like the rest of the week is already a write off. Feels like I'm trying my hardest but there's only so much I can do. It's so ****ing draining. 

[Wymsey]

28 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Wonderful start to the morning, yet another job rejection for a position that felt tailor made for me. Rejection sensitivity disorder has absolutely kicked in and it feels like the rest of the week is already a write off. Feels like I'm trying my hardest but there's only so much I can do. It's so ****ing draining. 

Am afraid that is how it is in the market, especially with the amount of effort you've likely to have put in for them applications.

 

If you're unemployed and signing on with the Job Centre, have you thought about discussing your feelings to them on it?

Edited 15 September 2025 by Wymsey

[Trav Le Bleu]

Not so much depressed as frustrated with my broken arm (not my fault, ask Mr White Van man who didn't stop and left me in the middle of the road for two hours).

 

Been over two weeks now, still in sling (too near shoulder joint to plaster), still hurts, still wake up every 30 mins or so throughout the night and still very little movement.

 

Specialist at hospital has told me I'll never be able to raise that arm (left, fortunately) above shoulder height as it's quiet a complicated break.

 

Fortunately my lovely wife has been great, helping me dress, shower and eat. 

 

On the plus side I haven't had to do the dishes, or any other household chores!

[urban.spaceman]

10 hours ago, Wymsey said:

Am afraid that is how it is in the market, especially with the amount of effort you've likely to have put in for them applications.

 

If you're unemployed and signing on with the Job Centre, have you thought about discussing your feelings to them on it?

Had to go back on UC a month or so ago after the financial chaos from the company that pays me for my carer work. They closed their Leicester branch last October, which has led to them messing up timesheets, meaning I get paid less, forgetting to send payslips, completely buggering up my holiday pay, refusing to pay me until the next payday because they’d get a fine from HMRC, and being generally impossible to contact about anything. So I ended up in an extremely tight situation which just keeps getting worse. As I’m going through a formal ADHD diagnosis (soon, I hope) I asked for a bit of extra help, and while it does feel I’m getting a bit more help (I apparently qualify as having a disability, so companies that sign up to Disability Confident can adapt and help employees with their needs, which has opened up a few things for me), it’s just moving at a seriously glacial pace. I have a meeting with them tomorrow on Zoom so hopefully they can help me ASAFP. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

4 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 I have a meeting with them tomorrow on Zoom so hopefully they can help me ASAFP. 

As soon as financially possible?

[urban.spaceman]

4 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

As soon as financially possible?

****ing

[Tommy G]

20 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Wonderful start to the morning, yet another job rejection for a position that felt tailor made for me. Rejection sensitivity disorder has absolutely kicked in and it feels like the rest of the week is already a write off. Feels like I'm trying my hardest but there's only so much I can do. It's so ****ing draining. 

What field of work are you in?

[urban.spaceman]

8 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

have a meeting with them tomorrow on Zoom so hopefully they can help me ASAFP. 

And it turns out I won't be getting any UC because they deduct money from your payment per £250 of savings you have. Which isn't even my money and I can't access it as it's an informal 'trust' situation. Absolutely ****ed. 

[Muzzy_no7]

@Lionator hope today is a better day for you 

[Lionator]

23 minutes ago, Muzzy_no7 said:

@Lionator hope today is a better day for you 

Thanks, got myself to the gym this morning and had a good chat with my boss. It’s gonna be a struggle but I’ve crossed a couple of bridges. Still very anxious of course. 

[bovril]

On 15/09/2025 at 11:59, Lionator said:

I need to open up as I’m really struggling. I’m drinking too much and drinking to cope. I’m paranoid, I’m anxious, I’m functioning terribly. Something needs to change but I have no idea what. I’m off work today ‘ill’ but really I’m too anxious to face the world, and I’ve already had a couple of beers this morning. How have people turned it around from here?

I went through a very difficult period in autumn 2023 and wondered if I'd really be able to turn it around. It came after a period when I'd been drinking heavily. Quitting alcohol helped obviously. As mentioned above, jogging was a massive help too. Set myself targets to run a little further every day. Quit social media. Read a couple of books I'd wanted to for a while. Spent time with friends and family. And ultimately just tried to be stoical and reminded myself such periods are part of being human. Then 2024 was maybe the best year of my life. The first few months after I turned it round were amazing. You'll get through it and you'll be the better for it.

[Trav Le Bleu]

57 minutes ago, bovril said:

Quit social media

When you think about it, social media is the antithesis of being social. Too many people have let it replace actual socialising, which if you do with the right people will make you feel much better.

[urban.spaceman]

On 16/09/2025 at 00:50, urban.spaceman said:

Had to go back on UC a month or so ago after the financial chaos from the company that pays me for my carer work. They closed their Leicester branch last October, which has led to them messing up timesheets, meaning I get paid less, forgetting to send payslips, completely buggering up my holiday pay, refusing to pay me until the next payday because they’d get a fine from HMRC, and being generally impossible to contact about anything. So I ended up in an extremely tight situation which just keeps getting worse. As I’m going through a formal ADHD diagnosis (soon, I hope) I asked for a bit of extra help, and while it does feel I’m getting a bit more help (I apparently qualify as having a disability, so companies that sign up to Disability Confident can adapt and help employees with their needs, which has opened up a few things for me), it’s just moving at a seriously glacial pace. I have a meeting with them tomorrow on Zoom so hopefully they can help me ASAFP. 

 

On 16/09/2025 at 09:46, urban.spaceman said:

And it turns out I won't be getting any UC because they deduct money from your payment per £250 of savings you have. Which isn't even my money and I can't access it as it's an informal 'trust' situation. Absolutely ****ed. 

Hellish couple of days. Had to ask for an advance from UC, which they have granted, but have to pay it back out of any future payments or my wages over the course of a year. So have a little bit to tide me over for now. I have spent 3 whole days trying to get in touch with someone at the direct payments company I get my salary from for the care work, but they're ****ing impossible - nobody answers the phone at the Leicester (remote) branch on the first 2 goes then someone does pick up but they're from a completely different region. Turns out each of the regions have completely different systems which are all saying very different things than to what is on my pay slip about what I'm owed. I've explained that to about 4 different people but I'm stuck in a "I'll pass you on to..." loop then have to wait hours without any contact before trying to ring them again because nobody has called me back or emailed anything. Not a single bit of process made and I don't know where I stand or if I'll even get paid. Today (Wednesday) was the day they process the timesheets meaning that even if I do get it sorted out now, they'll refuse to pay me until next month because 'they'll get a fine'. So again, I'm back in Groundhog Day where I can't move forward, can't get any help, and I can't do anything about it. It's so stressful that I can't sleep or focus on anything, my entire body tenses up, and my back decides it wants in on the stress party and is just going to be as painful as ****. I'm so tired of living like this. 

 

On the other hand, my brain decides to reward me with a new film idea from start to finish, characters, plot, dialogue, everything, that takes me away from other stuff I've been writing but have struggled to continue working on because I should be focusing on finding some 'proper' work that is actually paid. Might just start an OnlyFans.

[urban.spaceman]

On 16/09/2025 at 09:45, Tommy G said:

What field of work are you in?

At the minute I'm a social carer but I've worked in retail before. Never had much confidence in much else mainly as my brain is hardwired for creativity which is why I did a screenwriting masters last year, and am trying to get into the creative industry, which has a worse structure than some of my scripts. 

[urban.spaceman]

Much, much better day today. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

18 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Much, much better day today. 

Ya see! I reminded you that you could be in Mumford and Sons and now things don't seem so bad!

[urban.spaceman]

9 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Ya see! I reminded you that you could be in Mumford and Sons and now things don't seem so bad!

[urban.spaceman]

On 19/09/2025 at 00:58, urban.spaceman said:

Much, much better day today. 

That lasted long; anxiety's been sky high this weekend to the point of making me physically ill. Horrible. 

[filthyfox]

On 22/09/2025 at 00:46, urban.spaceman said:

That lasted long; anxiety's been sky high this weekend to the point of making me physically ill. Horrible. 

Try some craft.

In the last 2 weeks I have made a macrame pumpkin, a clay pumpkin (with excellent guidance) and am now making a macrame ghost and ABSOLUTELY bossing it!

[Trav Le Bleu]

8 hours ago, filthyfox said:

Try some craft.

In the last 2 weeks I have made a macrame pumpkin, a clay pumpkin (with excellent guidance) and am now making a macrame ghost and ABSOLUTELY bossing it!

I'm more impressed with the rabbit you made!

[urban.spaceman]

9 hours ago, filthyfox said:

Try some craft.

In the last 2 weeks I have made a macrame pumpkin, a clay pumpkin (with excellent guidance) and am now making a macrame ghost and ABSOLUTELY bossing it!

Never been very crafty or arty but I CAN craft a sketch series based on Leicester's PSR troubles:
 

On 03/08/2025 at 18:04, urban.spaceman said:

Opening scene:

 

INT. EFL HQ - OFFICE -  DAY

A figure sits in a chair facing away from a cluttered desk, staring out of the huge window onto a busy road. Boxes piled on top of each other align the walls. Some of them read: 'LEICESTER'S MANY WRONGDOINGS'. One box sits on top a stuffed paper bin, reading: "ARE OWN RULES".

 

The man takes a solemn deep breath.

 

The door swings open - the sign on the door reads "RICK PARRY INVESTIGATES!" - an elderly woman storms in,  looking harried. LYNN, 60s, the man's PA storms in.

She is not looking forward to this. 

 

LYNN

Sir, I have some, er, news...

 

The man - RICK PARRY, 50s, looks like a former Tory MP - holds his hand up, stopping her mid-sentence. He turns around, cigar in his mouth. 

 

PARRY

Don't tell me. I already know. Wednesday are going to have to forfeit, meaning we have to give Leicester the 3 points.

 

LYNN

It's not just that, sire. They're--

 

PARRY

They're what? They're not contesting their deduction again, are they?

 

LYNN

Well their case is actually quite str-

 

He holds his hand up again. The other is clenched on the table, his knuckles whitening with rage. 

 

PARRY

We HAVE to try, Lynn. He have to try. For the good of our overlords. 

 

He looks to the wall - team posters of the top six clubs are blue-tacked to the wall; love hearts drawn all over them with zero subtlety, cut outs from magazines of various top six club captains lifting trophies have been pritt-sticked to the posters. Even Harry Kane lifting the Audi Cup is on there.

 

PARRY

Besides, they don't know that we know De Marco's allergies.

 

LYNN

It's only Nickel, sir. Worst that would happen is he comes out in a slight rash. 

 

PARRY

I. SAID. WE. HAVE. TO. TRY. LYNN. 

 

He calms himself, slowly.

 

PARRY

What was your news.

 

LYNN

I'm afraid it is about Leicester. A problem we hadn't foreseen.

 

PARRY

Lay it on me. 

 

LYNN

There's really no easy way to say this. Leicester are...

 

Tense. As. ****. 

 

LYNN

Leicester are.... Looking..... Actually..... Good?

 

He finally breaks. He turns back around, not wanting Lynn to see him.

 

And he sobs.

 

LYNN

I'm so, so sorry, sir.

 

PARRY

I want blankie. Get me blankie!

 

On 14/01/2025 at 10:37, urban.spaceman said:

Previously, on PSR & ORDER

 

 

 

FADE IN:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

A packed courtroom. 

At the front are two desks - the defence and the prosecution side.

The doors at the back of the room open. In walks THE DEFENCE: NICK DE MARCO (50s, suave),  JON RUDKIN (50s, sheepish; wearing a full LCFC training tracksuit), ROBERT HUTH (40s, intimidating), BEPPE DE MARCO OFF EASTENDERS (50s, terrible goatee) walk down the aisle and take their seats.

The doors open again - four solemn looking souls trundle in. THE PROSECUTION: RICK PARRY (late 60s), RICHARD MASTERS (middle aged, looks like a Tory MP), ZIPPY OFF RAINBOW (ageless) and LIZ TRUSS (50s, actually mental) walk down the aisle to their table. Liz puts her lettuce downs on the desk as they all take their seats too. They all take up a menacing glare at their opponents.

The CLARK walks in.

 

CLARK

All rise.

 

Everyone gets to their feet.

Through a side door, JUDGE JUDY enters and sits down at her desk. She shuffles some documents around.

 

JUDGE JUDY

Morning everyone.

 

Everyone sits.

 

JUDGE JUDY

So.

 

She smiles.

 

JUDGE JUDY

As I understand it, Premier League and EFL, your argument seems to be entirely based on the poker episode of Only Fools and Horses where Del Boy said to Boycie, "I knew you was cheating Boycie. Cos that wasn't the hand I dealt you". Is that correct?

 

Shock on the prosecution bench.

 

RICK PARRY

(tearful)

NO!

 

JUDGE JUDY

Silence! Whereas Leicester City, your entire argument can only be summed up as, "Whoops".

 

Nods on the Leicester City bench.

 

JUDGE JUDY

And by your own admission, the Premier League and EFL, your own laws are poorly written.

 

ZIPPY

YES YOUR HONOUR.

 

Judy sighs.

 

JUDGE JUDY

Then I'm afraid I have only one option. I have to find in favour of--

 

CUT TO BLACK

 

FADE IN:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Zippy takes his seat. He, Liz Truss, Masters and Parry are all on tenterhooks. On the other bench, Robert Huth stares intently at Judge Judy with one eye, the other glaring at Liz Truss. Beppe just looks smooth and confident. Jon Rudkin lights up a spliff and smiles to himself.

Judge Judy sighs.

 

JUDGE JUDY

Then I'm afraid I have only one option. I have to find in favour of... LEICESTER CITY.

 

Commotion in the court. The whole of the prosecution bench are up on their feet, angry and shouting at Judge Judy. 

 

RICK PARRY

THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!

 

LIZ TRUSS

Cease and dessist! CEASE AND DESSIST!!!!!

 

The lettuce takes its only chance and rolls away off the desk.

 

Beppe and Nick De Marco hug in celebration, while Jon Rudkin, now very high, smiles like Tim Curry in Home Alone 2 when he finds out Kevin's credit card is stolen. Robert Huth spots the lettuce - he can't help himself. He takes a run up to the lettuce, aims right at the open back doors, takes a shot... and hits Richard Masters in the face.

 

On 30/12/2024 at 21:54, urban.spaceman said:

FADE IN:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

A packed courtroom. 

At the front are two desks - the defence and the prosecution side.

The doors at the back of the room open. In walks THE DEFENCE: NICK DE MARCO (50s, suave),  JON RUDKIN (50s, sheepish; wearing a full LCFC training tracksuit), ROBERT HUTH (40s, intimidating), BEPPE DE MARCO OFF EASTENDERS (50s, terrible goatee) walk down the aisle and take their seats.

The doors open again - four solemn looking souls trundle in. THE PROSECUTION: RICK PARRY (late 60s), RICHARD MASTERS (middle aged, looks like a Tory MP), ZIPPY OFF RAINBOW (ageless) and LIZ TRUSS (50s, actually mental) walk down the aisle to their table. Liz puts her lettuce downs on the desk as they all take their seats too. They all take up a menacing glare at their opponents.

The CLARK walks in.

 

CLARK

All rise.

 

Everyone gets to their feet.

Through a side door, JUDGE JUDY enters and sits down at her desk. She shuffles some documents around.

 

JUDGE JUDY

Morning everyone.

 

Everyone sits.

 

JUDGE JUDY

So.

 

She smiles.

 

JUDGE JUDY

As I understand it, Premier League and EFL, your argument seems to be entirely based on the poker episode of Only Fools and Horses where Del Boy said to Boycie, "I knew you was cheating Boycie. Cos that wasn't the hand I dealt you". Is that correct?

 

Shock on the prosecution bench.

 

RICK PARRY

(tearful)

NO!

 

JUDGE JUDY

Silence! Whereas Leicester City, your entire argument can only be summed up as, "Whoops".

 

Nods on the Leicester City bench.

 

JUDGE JUDY

And by your own admission, the Premier League and EFL, your own laws are poorly written.

 

ZIPPY

YES YOUR HONOUR.

 

Judy sighs.

 

JUDGE JUDY

Then I'm afraid I have only one option. I have to find in favour of--

 

--------------

 

That's as far as I've got.

 

 

Just need some more drama so work off

[filthyfox]

Also...   it has now been one year since I stopped destroying myself.

[Zear0]

15 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Never been very crafty or arty but I CAN craft a sketch series based on Leicester's PSR troubles:
 

 

 

Just need some more drama so work off

Rick Parry invetigates is made for ITV4

[Lionator]

Slipped again this morning after a couple of good weeks. Drunk at 8am 🙃 people get through this right?

[Wsl]

44 minutes ago, Lionator said:

Slipped again this morning after a couple of good weeks. Drunk at 8am 🙃 people get through this right?

Yes, of course people do, and you can get through this! But it sounds like you could do with more help.  I know you've had a good chat with your boss, and this seems a good time to fix stuff - it's a good opportunity. I'm no expert on what's available to you, but you need to take it step by step, and whatever helps you not to reach for a drink in the morning sounds the first thing to tackle (otherwise there's a risk that you write the whole day off and start again the next day, but the next day starts the same way as the day before!)

 

Some people get some help from AA (and ignore the bits that don't work for them, some Zoom meetings are easier for someone new than an in person meeting), some use CBT.  Does your work have an employee health/help scheme which is usually anonymous - we've got PAM Wellness, but I've heard of other assistance programmes. Is working at work more an option? Sometimes taking yourself out of the place that enables you to drink in the morning at least starts to help address that?

 

And I'm not underestimating that this will be hard, and there is stuff to sort beyond the physical pouring yourself a drink first thing, but may be today search around and see if you can call one person/organisation/ or make an appointment to see someone to get some help - it would be a good step that comes out of today? 

 

Most important of all, don't forget you've had a couple of good weeks, so well done in getting that under your belt - don't dismiss that or forget that -  it shows you can do it  - just because today didn't start off so well.

 

Good luck!