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James.

New Inventions

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Posted

It's a Sony one, not sure what type.

A lot of them nowadays have Alarm 1 and Alarm 2 (usually one's a buzzer and one's the radio) and you can turn them both on.

This one fr'instance says it has a Dual Alarm

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5130614.htm

And this bad boy

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5130669.htm

Thanks

And no its not a wind up, of any kind. Unfortunately the wife keeps buying me crap alarm clocks as presents.

Posted
Thanks

And no its not a wind up, of any kind. Unfortunately the wife keeps buying me crap alarm clocks as presents.

I meant wind-up as in a wind-up alarm clock! Not that you were trying to wind us up.

Did I need to explain that? Probably not.

Posted

I fooking hate flies... can someone please invent something that can annihilate the little shites with impressive speed and accuracy from quite some distance? I'm thinking along the lines of a guided-missile-type thing... :unsure::dunno:

Fly sprays simply make me stream for hours (and have zero impact on the flies); those electronic-blue things that fry 'em just stink; and - much as I have a deadly aim with a rolled up newspaper - that only works if they're dozy enough to sit still at some point. :angry:

They're driving me up the f'ing wall... :@

Posted
I fooking hate flies... can someone please invent something that can annihilate the little shites with impressive speed and accuracy from quite some distance? I'm thinking along the lines of a guided-missile-type thing... :unsure::dunno:

Fly sprays simply make me stream for hours (and have zero impact on the flies); those electronic-blue things that fry 'em just stink; and - much as I have a deadly aim with a rolled up newspaper - that only works if they're dozy enough to sit still at some point. :angry:

They're driving me up the f'ing wall... :@

You can't kill them all but you can keep them out. I see an increasing market for screened doors and windows. I'll bring me hammer and saw.

Posted
ok, here's another (devised while at uni so credit to be shared amongst some of my mates)

repent.com

Online sin repenting with a priest or other clergy online 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

You wake up not entirely sure what you have done but pretty confident God wouldn't be too impressed.

Don't throw that ticket to Heaven away just yet just go online to repent.com and for a small fee have your sin waiered by an online servant of god. Saves all the hassle of going to the Church, you can repent all day from the comfort of your own house.

Better?

:whistle:

I think America already does that one. It would surprise me if it wasn't available there.

Posted
ok, here's another (devised while at uni so credit to be shared amongst some of my mates)

repent.com

Online sin repenting with a priest or other clergy online 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

You wake up not entirely sure what you have done but pretty confident God wouldn't be too impressed.

Don't throw that ticket to Heaven away just yet just go online to repent.com and for a small fee have your sin waiered by an online servant of god. Saves all the hassle of going to the Church, you can repent all day from the comfort of your own house.

Better?

:whistle:

I think America already does that one. It would surprise me if it wasn't available there.

Posted
I think America already does that one. It would surprise me if it wasn't available there.

Yeah earlier in the thread davieG pointed that out.

Still I reckon there may be a market for a multi-faith website. Like the Tesco of repenting.

Posted
You can't kill them all but you can keep them out. I see an increasing market for screened doors and windows. I'll bring me hammer and saw.

Hmm, cheers for the offer but I'm not convinced I like the sound of being boarded up inside my own house! :o

Would much prefer the satisfaction derived from obliterating the irritating sh*ts. :thumbup:

Posted
Yeah earlier in the thread davieG pointed that out.

Still I reckon there may be a market for a multi-faith website. Like the Tesco of repenting.

Tesco Value Religion?

I quite like that idea.

Posted
Tesco Value Religion?

I quite like that idea.

Perhaps they should do a Tesco's Finest version too... if you're in need of something more, erm, superior?! :whistle::dunno:

Posted
Perhaps they should do a Tesco's Finest version too... if you're in need of something more, erm, superior?! :whistle::dunno:

Tescos Finest is just Tesco Value in a fancy box.

Not sure how you'd convert that to religion. A shinier service or something? :unsure:

Posted
Tescos Finest is just Tesco Value in a fancy box.

Not sure how you'd convert that to religion. A shinier service or something? :unsure:

aren't popes and cardinals just priests in fancy frocks :dunno:

Posted
Hmm, cheers for the offer but I'm not convinced I like the sound of being boarded up inside my own house! :o

Would much prefer the satisfaction derived from obliterating the irritating sh*ts. :thumbup:

Ah for obliterating the sh1ts, I recommend pepto_bismol.jpg

However for the flies, a 12" wooden ruler and rubber band was always my weapon of choice.

Posted
Ah for obliterating the sh1ts, I recommend pepto_bismol.jpg

However for the flies, a 12" wooden ruler and rubber band was always my weapon of choice.

lol:worship::thumbup:

  • 1 month later...
Posted
I've added a new one to my previous efforts;

The Washing Line Umbrella

The All You Can Eat Takeaway

ALL NEW THE ONLINE SHOPPING CENTRE

A website that contains links to all the top retail outlets, set out in a snazzy fashion. They buy shop window space, customers buy stuff. Market it on a big scale and it would make (and be used by) millions...

DISCLAIMER: I partly wanted to see if such a thing already exists (not Google) so waiting for some smartarse to post a link.

The guy on Dragon's Den who came in with the washing line thing hs just been on the "Where are they now thing"!!

The idea stealing bastard.

He accepted the offer on the show but then turned it down and got a smaller investment elsewhere.

Have a word.

Posted

The guy on Dragon's Den who came in with the washing line thing hs just been on the "Where are they now thing"!!

The idea stealing bastard.

He accepted the offer on the show but then turned it down and got a smaller investment elsewhere.

Have a word.

He's a c**t. That was my idea.

I've got a new one though.

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT IS THOUGH

Shite.

I'll get back to you.

  • 8 years later...
Posted

Whore Cabs. Combines the services of a prostitute and a lift home. Maybe an app to choose the kind of "lady" you want... Just throwing it out there. Would cost more than a regular taxi of course...

Posted

Whore Cabs. Combines the services of a prostitute and a lift home. Maybe an app to choose the kind of "lady" you want... Just throwing it out there. Would cost more than a regular taxi of course...

To cirCUMvent the possible prostitute charges you are paying for a luxury taxi. What happens in the back seat is betweem 2 consenting adults. The prostitute is simply in the car for modelling purposes only and is paid accordingly

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