What grinds my gears...

[Guest MattP]

I'm toying with the idea, contract has just finished and nothing interesting around immediately, 60K + 25% bonus is not to be sniffed at, opportunity for travel to Brazil, China, India, Australia, the US and Europe, + plenty of opportunity for professional development. Work will last through to 2018, then I could go freelance again.

Take it like a shot. I'd do that on the opportunity to travel and work in those placed alone.

[Soar Fox]

You just have to laugh off anything that happens unexpectedly during sex. It ruins it if you let it, if you make light of something then I've found it's not too much of a problem.

Can you laugh of premature ejaculation?

[I am Rod Hull]

Kids......

My daughters phone contract costs £12 a month but the last bill was £42. After administering a bollocking and getting assurance from her that it would not happen again I receive this months bill..... £46.

Her phone is now mine for the next 6 months and she will have to put up with £5 month PAYG on her old Blackberry.

The American justice system runs a "3 strikes and out" policy.... I run a 2

Edited 3 May 2013 by I am Rod Hull

[Haydos]

Can you laugh of premature ejaculation?

You can try

[FoxesAreBlue]

I'm toying with the idea, contract has just finished and nothing interesting around immediately, 60K + 25% bonus is not to be sniffed at, opportunity for travel to Brazil, China, India, Australia, the US and Europe, + plenty of opportunity for professional development. Work will last through to 2018, then I could go freelance again.

If you don't want the gig I'll have it! I have no experience in whatever your field is (computers I think?) but I'm sure I can blag it.

D'ya reckon I can bag myself a company car too? An Aston Martin should do it.

[Guest MattP]

I have a small steam iron that I use, as for spending time to look smart, yeah polishing shoes and ironing a few shirts takes up all my time.

This is why I never pass up a shoe shine. Get a good one and a quick rub will them shiny as for months.

Any decent hotel in London will have a black man doing a shine for a couple of hours at some point.

[purpleronnie]

What about the shoe shining machines in hotels? Bloody technology taking jobs from the working man.

[Guest MattP]

What about the shoe shining machines in hotels? Bloody technology taking jobs from the working man.

Wouldn't use one.

Best shine I ever had was from a guy in Atlanta. He was from Tuscalusa Alabama and his dad was a shiner, his grandad etc etc

A machine can't be taught those tricks of the trade. I swear a year after you could still see it.

Gave him hundred dollars for 30 mins work and it was worth every penny.

[purpleronnie]

Wouldn't use one.

Best shine I ever had was from a guy in Atlanta. He was from Tuscalusa Alabama and his dad was a shiner, his grandad etc etc

A machine can't be taught those tricks of the trade. I swear a year after you could still see it.

Gave him hundred dollars for 30 mins work and it was worth every penny.

I know what you mean its almost like an art form, all over the states, don't think I've ever had one in the UK but I doubt the standard is the same, I had mine shined by this geezer at a car wash in Houston, shoes never looked better even better than when I bought them....the shine cost 5 dollars.

[Guest MattP]

I know what you mean its almost like an art form, all over the states, don't think I've ever had one in the UK but I doubt the standard is the same, I had mine shined by this geezer at a car wash in Houston, shoes never looked better even better than when I bought them....the shine cost 5 dollars.

That's why your loaded and I'm skint!

Park Lane Hilton has a very good shoeshine, American. Plaza Westminster does as well on jazz nights. Taj residencies on Buckingham gate has a very decent Indian.

Thats the only three shines I could recommend here though that rival the States.

[Guest MattP]

Johnny Cash was right as well.

It only costs a dime just to nickel a shoe it does a million dollars worth of good for you.

[21st Century Fox]

Matt I knocked up a new sig for you if you want it.

[Guest MattP]

Superb!!

[purpleronnie]

That's why your loaded and I'm skint!

Park Lane Hilton has a very good shoeshine, American. Plaza Westminster does as well on jazz nights. Taj residencies on Buckingham gate has a very decent Indian.

Thats the only three shines I could recommend here though that rival the States.

Yeah right.

[Captain...]

Take it like a shot. I'd do that on the opportunity to travel and work in those placed alone.

Yeah, it is daft that I'm even considering looking at other options, the thing is though there seems a lot of opportunities around for a man with my skills*, I've just turned down a job that would mean relocating to New Jersey for a year.

*Pure dumb luck

[lavrentis]

My housemate decided to knock on my door at near 2am to ask me if his friend could borrow my passport for ID - clearly I told them no. The ****ing cheek for asking. I moved in with some knobheads. My next years flatmates are much cooler.

Edited 4 May 2013 by lavrentis

[FoxesAreBlue]

Gutted.

I can't go to the Watford Playoff game(s).

Thursday is the works awards evening... In fvcking Brighton and its not something I can miss. Normally I avoid these things like the plague anyway but as its my first year with the company proper then it is expected that I show my face and do some hob-nobbing with the board etc.

I can see what's going to happen now:

Company CEO: "And the Site of the Year is..."

Me in the back: "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH ****ING GET IN THERE!!!!

WEM-BER-LEY, WEM-BER-LEY, were the famous Leices..... Oh.... Don't mind me"

Company CEO: "Get that cvnt out of here"

[The Doctor]

Absolutely aced me exam today, was done after 35 minutes and able to be out of there at 5 having repeatedly checked my answers, meaning I could have made the play-off game. 

[MooseBreath]

Long winded meetings zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[StanSP]

Absolutely aced me exam today, was done after 35 minutes and able to be out of there at 5 having repeatedly checked my answers, meaning I could have made the play-off game. 

 

Congratulations! I'm always cautious about finishing an exam early. Did I write enough? Have I rushed and missed something vital out? But if you check and check there's not much more you can do and there's only so much waiting around you can do in your seat in an exam room before you go crazy!

[Guest MattP]

Rough very rough. Weekend again will be very rough.

[MooseBreath]

Hell, blah blah blah

Look, blah blah blah

Listen, blah blah blah

Hey, blah blah blah

But especially hell, blah blah blah

Hell, even I cringe at that

[RonnieTodger]

Facebook pages intended to offend for attention. Just desperate virgins trying cause a stir and use the word "butthurt" (What even is that?) to describe anyone that complains about it. Surely there are better things to be doing.

 

Mind you, I'm sat here moaning about it at half past 12 on a Friday night.

[Wymsey]

Till staff who forcibly give change back to you, with the most miserable look.

 

Alright, I'll go elsewhere. 

[StanSP]

Till staff who forcibly give change back to you, with the most miserable look.

 

Alright, I'll go elsewhere. 

 

'forcibly give change back'? What do you mean?