Trav Le Bleu Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 Eternal Chairman Bellend. It has long disturbed me that certain individuals have been able to go through life causing the burgeoning masses pain and suffering whilst the incumbant misweilders of power in this nation are either too misguided or too weak to take necessary action. Fortunately, in the days leading up to your sequestrate of power, I find myself at liberty to construct a file on those most deserving of your well-informed (by your humble servant) sagacity and doubtless accordance that these ones should face the maximum penalty come the revalution. Please find below the start of what I believe may become a very long list, one which I have opened to public recommendation, knowing full well that our people know an imbercilic wastrel when they see one. First of all, my apologies for placing such an image before you, but it is entirely necessary. This man claims to be an "expert" on his chosen subject, though public commentary shows that he is a master of the "bleeding obvious." Only last night I heard him say, "if they tried a different tactic, something else might happen" and, during the same Chelsea v Man U match "this is just like a Premier League game, but with a foreign ref." Were this but a flash in the pan maybe he could be spared, but I fear his self-belief that having gone to a poor World Cup with an unfancied team that he must be foremost of those with knowledge in "the Game", is wholeheartedly unfounded. A quick death might be too good, but I know you will be a merciful tyrant. This young lady claims to have been probed by aliens and continues to assault a multitude of senses - including common. We have critical data that she is wed to another individual whom, pending further investigation, might well go on "The List". Aside from her immediate visual impact we can see little use for her, unless she can be "turned" (I think you will be 100% complicite in understanding what I mean here ). Should the Eternal Chairman prove once again merciful I am sure that she would not be reticent to show you her "gratitude". I am not entirely sure who this person is, or what it is that he has supposed to have done - extensive research reveals a distinct lack of culpability, but my sources inform me that it may well be necessary to remove this man (woman? lack of information means we are unable to rule out this possibility) should you want to attain supremacy. I remain your humble and obediant servant and hope that the public access afforded by this document will allow others to put forth their most deserving candidates for your esteemed judgement.
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 I wouldn't mind probing her if you know what I mean
Houdini Logic Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 This reminded me of something I heard on the TV last night - about a guy who wrote to the government saying he stepped outside his house at night, had a bit of a blurry moment and when he went back in it was an hour later. They wrote back to say the clocks went forward an hour that night. Oh, and by 'reminded' I meant I have no idea what you're on about so I thought I'd tell a different story.
StanSP Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 This reminded me of something I heard on the TV last night - about a guy who wrote to the government saying he stepped outside his house at night, had a bit of a blurry moment and when he went back in it was an hour later. They wrote back to say the clocks went forward an hour that night. Oh, and by 'reminded' I meant I have no idea what you're on about so I thought I'd tell a different story. I heard that too! Can't remember for the life of me where though. Gonna bug me. And this thread is like the intelligent person's 'People Who You'd Like To Punch In The Face' thread.
davieG Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 A variation of Room 101, this could and should be the longest thread in the history of the internet there are so many useless, empty-headed, insignificant celebrities in the world.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 7 April 2011 Author Posted 7 April 2011 .... A worthy addition WTF, you shall be honoured when the hour arises.
Alexikokopops Posted 7 April 2011 Posted 7 April 2011 When I am King you will be first against the wall.
Guest Basildon Fox Posted 8 April 2011 Posted 8 April 2011 Anybody who has slighted me, a number of ex bosses and that twat Davina McCall.
purpleronnie Posted 8 April 2011 Posted 8 April 2011 I wouldn't mind probing her if you know what I mean Nope no Idea, too subtle.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 8 April 2011 Author Posted 8 April 2011 When I am King you will be first against the wall. Remind me never to vote for you to be king. Not that my loyalties to Bellend should ever be questioned.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 8 April 2011 Author Posted 8 April 2011 Here's another one for the list.. This one has been drawing a lot of attention. I have a witticism about this one: If killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide, is killing Piers Morgan countryside?
The Doctor Posted 8 April 2011 Posted 8 April 2011 I heard that too! Can't remember for the life of me where though. Gonna bug me. And this thread is like the intelligent person's 'People Who You'd Like To Punch In The Face' thread. Russell Howard's Good News?
Alexikokopops Posted 8 April 2011 Posted 8 April 2011 Remind me never to vote for you to be king. because I'd spend all day singing Radiohead?
Alexikokopops Posted 9 April 2011 Posted 9 April 2011 Because you're a French duke. Lying around all day in my hammock eating soft cheese. I'm actually walking to Camden Town as we speak
Finnegan Posted 9 April 2011 Posted 9 April 2011 Lying around all day in my hammock eating soft cheese. I'm actually walking to Camden Town as we speak Not amused.
Bellend Sebastian Posted 10 April 2011 Posted 10 April 2011 Sorry for the delay in responding, super dudes, I've been on important cabinet business. It just needs polishing now (do you see what I did there?) Townsend is as good as gone, I don't really know who Adam Sandler is beyond he's in films that I think I'm unlikely to enjoy, and Piers Morgan has been on the hitlist for as long as I've known of his existence. Russell Howard hasn't been mentioned in the context of being a target but he's very much on the list being the absolute epitome of everything that's wrong with modern 'comedy', and possibly everything that's wrong with the world, full stop. If the only thing we achieve is his very timely demise, then we will have made a lasting contribution to society, even if we do nothing else at all. I have Katy Perry lined up as minister for culture, so you might find yourself working quite closely with her, Trav, but not too close
Finnegan Posted 10 April 2011 Posted 10 April 2011 I want to swap from being head of communications to being Minister of Shagging the Culture Minister. That's a position, right?
rico Posted 10 April 2011 Posted 10 April 2011 For crimes against humanity and entertainment,i nominate this smug bastard........
Alexikokopops Posted 10 April 2011 Posted 10 April 2011 Not amused. My moustache looked like Howard Moon's when I grew it for Movember
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