UK Citizenship Test

[I am Rod Hull]

National anthem ?

[AoWW]

Running the beach bar? That's the second most important job after President. Technically, you're now Vice President. Who needs education? We can just get the Daily Mail shipped over and put on the bar, right?

Cool.

I am uneasy to an alliance with WACCOE and OTIB.

However I've recently been informed that Costa Rica has lots of varieties of parrots, butterflies etc. and no army, we should invade and take that stuff.

And coffee, don't forget the coffee.

[Guest Bilo]

I am uneasy to an alliance with WACCOE and OTIB.

However I've recently been informed that Costa Rica has lots of varieties of parrots, butterflies etc. and no army, we should invade and take that stuff.

OTIB's rhetoric is already tantamount to a declaration of war. If their violent diatribes do not cease, we shall invade without warning and attack using such weapons as books on primary school sentence structure and shitloads of copies of GCSE analysis of John Agard's's Half-Caste to force them in 2011!

To WACCOE I say this, our goal is not the victory of might, but the vindication of right; not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere, and, we hope, around the world. MON willing, that goal will be achieved. Thank you and good night, much love.

I urge against invading Costa Rica, Paulo Wanchope is quite a big bloke y'know.

[Guest Bilo]

National anthem ?

Like New Zealand, we shall have a national anthem followed by a War Dance before sporting events.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7nwkHcuNjQ

[Alexikokopops]

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 14 out of 24 (58%)

Time taken: 02 minutes 54 seconds

Big time

[I am Rod Hull]

Like New Zealand, we shall have a national anthem followed by a War Dance before sporting events.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7nwkHcuNjQ

Sorted...

[Joe.]

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

Time taken: 04 minutes 51 seconds

YEAH.

See you in Djibouti.

[Guest Bilo]

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

Time taken: 04 minutes 51 seconds

YEAH.

See you in Djibouti.

Why do I think of this song every time I hear that name?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB0EHp1u-yY&feature=related

[Alexikokopops]

Why do I think of this song every time I hear that name?

Because the names sound similar.

[Guest Bilo]

That should be their national anthem.

[Zingari]

This new “island paradise” right ?

It seems as though it’s going to be populated mainly by young males (and don’t get me wrong here), but I’m no sure you’ve thought this through.

Island paradises that I’ve imagined or seen on tv and film usually have an almost incredibly high ratio of grass skirted nubile olive skinned beauties gleefully pandering to one male seated on some sort of temple throne , and usually Carmen Miranda is singing some sort of hula hula fertility song whilst wearing a basket of fruit for a hat .

So are we going to see some sort of perverse reversal of this scenario with AOWW sitting there in the traditional male role ?

i'm not trying to piss on anyone's fireworks here or owt , just asking if you've got any contingy plans .

[The Doctor]

This new “island paradise” right ?

It seems as though it’s going to be populated mainly by young males (and don’t get me wrong here), but I’m no sure you’ve thought this through.

Island paradises that I’ve imagined or seen on tv and film usually have an almost incredibly high ratio of grass skirted nubile olive skinned beauties gleefully pandering to one male seated on some sort of temple throne , and usually Carmen Miranda is singing some sort of hula hula fertility song whilst wearing a basket of fruit for a hat .

So are we going to see some sort of perverse reversal of this scenario with AOWW sitting there in the traditional male role ?

i'm not trying to piss on anyone's fireworks here or owt , just asking if you've got any contingy plans .

There'll be some tribes there we can poach off of.

[AoWW]

This new “island paradise” right ?

It seems as though it’s going to be populated mainly by young males (and don’t get me wrong here), but I’m no sure you’ve thought this through.

Island paradises that I’ve imagined or seen on tv and film usually have an almost incredibly high ratio of grass skirted nubile olive skinned beauties gleefully pandering to one male seated on some sort of temple throne , and usually Carmen Miranda is singing some sort of hula hula fertility song whilst wearing a basket of fruit for a hat .

So are we going to see some sort of perverse reversal of this scenario with AOWW sitting there in the traditional male role ?

i'm not trying to piss on anyone's fireworks here or owt , just asking if you've got any contingy plans .

Shush, I think I'm doing ok out of all this.

[Daggers]

What Britain desperately needs right now is good guessers , that's what we've been missing and why the country is in such a mess

[Zingari]

Shush, I think I'm doing ok out of all this.

I've not blown your fiendish plan have I ?

[Guest Bilo]

I never thought of the fact that this nation would be a sausage fest. We must invade somewhere where the women are attractive, and often drop their kecks for a bag of pork scratchings.

The more 'ahem' inclined of you can sort yourselves out. Just don't force it down my throat!

I nearly gagged last time.

[Phube]

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 13 out of 24 (54%)

Time taken: 09 minutes 52 seconds (although I did make some toast in between!)

[Trav Le Bleu]

46%

Deport me now!

[I am Rod Hull]

I got 16 from 24 (67%) and i thought it was bad..

I must be cleverererererer than my misses says i is...

[FoxyPV]

Failed. 14 out of 24.

I'll pack my bags then.

[Trav Le Bleu]

The TLB Alternative Citizenship Test.

1. Spell England without looking at how we've spelt it in the question.

2. Tea should be left to brew for 3, 4 or 5 mins?

3. Salt and vinegar goes on which popular English foodstuff?

4. Beer should be served warm or chilled?

5. Complete the phrase, "Eyup me..." Is it, Fox, Panda or Duck?

6. Rioters are looting the local Poundland shop. How long before you join in?

7. Which member of the Royal Family is also known as "The Racist Git"? Specifically.

8. Having passed this test, which newspaper will complain about you staying here? Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Mirror, or All of Them?

9. Do you like cricket?

10. When Nelson asked Hardy to kiss him, what did Stan do? (Careful, this is a trick question.)

11. Are you a sporting world record holder, willing to compete for your new nation? If so, skip to question 24.

12. Barbara Windsor... would you? Obviously we don't mean "now", no one would, not even a reanimated Kray Twin, but you know, back in her peak(s), say around the time Carry on Camping was filmed? (Female or differently oriented people please ignore this question and procede to question 13)

13. Leslie Phillips... would you? Same rules as above. Ding dong!

14. Your lawn is getting long, do you... a) get the lawnmower out, b) pay the local farmer to graze his sheep there, or c) put a derelict car, a rusty cooker and a broken fridge on the lawn in the hope no one will notice the length then (moving a sofa outside and sitting on it drinking Special Brew is optional.)

15. It's raining. Is this a) normal, b) going to strip your skin off with it's high acid content - find cover quick! or c) wet.

16. When did England win the World Cup? The proper World Cup mind, none of this rugby mallarky! (Applicants wanting to live in Wales, Scotland or N. Ireland can ignore this question as "not applicabled".

17. Where does your local MP sit? a) in a 2nd house his daughter owns but which he "rents", b) the House of Commons or c) on his lardy ass.

18. Complete this traditional British Song. "Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose..."

19. How far exactly is it to Tipperary and why would anyone want to go there when they're British?

20. Choose the traditional British fruit from the following list - banana, pineapple, mango, kiwi fruit or lemon. There may be more than one correct answer.

21. Things used to be better "when"? a) In the time of the dinosaurs? b) In my day? c) when MotD was shown at a sensible time or d) re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-mem-ber wheeeeeen!

22. What is the most dangerous animal in the UK? Dangerous otter, dangerous badger or Dangerous Tiger?

23. What is a disabled? a) a type of goose, b) a stupid person, c) a priceless vase or d) clearly this is a derogatory title for a person with Downs Syndrome as they bare a passing resemblence to people of Mongoloid races and should never be used.

24. Can you pay for yourself? A simple yes/no and no excuses.

[cambridgefox]

The TLB Alternative Citizenship Test.

1. Spell England without looking at how we've spelt it in the question.

2. Tea should be left to brew for 3, 4 or 5 mins?

3. Salt and vinegar goes on which popular English foodstuff?

4. Beer should be served warm or chilled?

5. Complete the phrase, "Eyup me..." Is it, Fox, Panda or Duck?

6. Rioters are looting the local Poundland shop. How long before you join in?

7. Which member of the Royal Family is also known as "The Racist Git"? Specifically.

8. Having passed this test, which newspaper will complain about you staying here? Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Mirror, or All of Them?

9. Do you like cricket?

10. When Nelson asked Hardy to kiss him, what did Stan do? (Careful, this is a trick question.)

11. Are you a sporting world record holder, willing to compete for your new nation? If so, skip to question 24.

12. Barbara Windsor... would you? Obviously we don't mean "now", no one would, not even a reanimated Kray Twin, but you know, back in her peak(s), say around the time Carry on Camping was filmed? (Female or differently oriented people please ignore this question and procede to question 13)

13. Leslie Phillips... would you? Same rules as above. Ding dong!

14. Your lawn is getting long, do you... a) get the lawnmower out, b) pay the local farmer to graze his sheep there, or c) put a derelict car, a rusty cooker and a broken fridge on the lawn in the hope no one will notice the length then (moving a sofa outside and sitting on it drinking Special Brew is optional.)

15. It's raining. Is this a) normal, b) going to strip your skin off with it's high acid content - find cover quick! or c) wet.

16. When did England win the World Cup? The proper World Cup mind, none of this rugby mallarky! (Applicants wanting to live in Wales, Scotland or N. Ireland can ignore this question as "not applicabled".

17. Where does your local MP sit? a) in a 2nd house his daughter owns but which he "rents", b) the House of Commons or c) on his lardy ass.

18. Complete this traditional British Song. "Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose..."

19. How far exactly is it to Tipperary and why would anyone want to go there when they're British?

20. Choose the traditional British fruit from the following list - banana, pineapple, mango, kiwi fruit or lemon. There may be more than one correct answer.

21. Things used to be better "when"? a) In the time of the dinosaurs? b) In my day? c) when MotD was shown at a sensible time or d) re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-mem-ber wheeeeeen!

22. What is the most dangerous animal in the UK? Dangerous otter, dangerous badger or Dangerous Tiger?

23. What is a disabled? a) a type of goose, b) a stupid person, c) a priceless vase or d) clearly this is a derogatory title for a person with Downs Syndrome as they bare a passing resemblence to people of Mongoloid races and should never be used.

24. Can you pay for yourself? A simple yes/no and no excuses.

most amusing.must have taken you ages.

[Daggers]

The TLB Alternative Citizenship Test.

1. Spell England without looking at how we've spelt it in the question.

2. Tea should be left to brew for 3, 4 or 5 mins?

3. Salt and vinegar goes on which popular English foodstuff?

4. Beer should be served warm or chilled?

5. Complete the phrase, "Eyup me..." Is it, Fox, Panda or Duck?

6. Rioters are looting the local Poundland shop. How long before you join in?

7. Which member of the Royal Family is also known as "The Racist Git"? Specifically.

8. Having passed this test, which newspaper will complain about you staying here? Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Mirror, or All of Them?

9. Do you like cricket?

10. When Nelson asked Hardy to kiss him, what did Stan do? (Careful, this is a trick question.)

11. Are you a sporting world record holder, willing to compete for your new nation? If so, skip to question 24.

12. Barbara Windsor... would you? Obviously we don't mean "now", no one would, not even a reanimated Kray Twin, but you know, back in her peak(s), say around the time Carry on Camping was filmed? (Female or differently oriented people please ignore this question and procede to question 13)

13. Leslie Phillips... would you? Same rules as above. Ding dong!

14. Your lawn is getting long, do you... a) get the lawnmower out, b) pay the local farmer to graze his sheep there, or c) put a derelict car, a rusty cooker and a broken fridge on the lawn in the hope no one will notice the length then (moving a sofa outside and sitting on it drinking Special Brew is optional.)

15. It's raining. Is this a) normal, b) going to strip your skin off with it's high acid content - find cover quick! or c) wet.

16. When did England win the World Cup? The proper World Cup mind, none of this rugby mallarky! (Applicants wanting to live in Wales, Scotland or N. Ireland can ignore this question as "not applicabled".

17. Where does your local MP sit? a) in a 2nd house his daughter owns but which he "rents", b) the House of Commons or c) on his lardy ass.

18. Complete this traditional British Song. "Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose..."

19. How far exactly is it to Tipperary and why would anyone want to go there when they're British?

20. Choose the traditional British fruit from the following list - banana, pineapple, mango, kiwi fruit or lemon. There may be more than one correct answer.

21. Things used to be better "when"? a) In the time of the dinosaurs? b) In my day? c) when MotD was shown at a sensible time or d) re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-re-remember, re-re re-mem-ber wheeeeeen!

22. What is the most dangerous animal in the UK? Dangerous otter, dangerous badger or Dangerous Tiger?

23. What is a disabled? a) a type of goose, b) a stupid person, c) a priceless vase or d) clearly this is a derogatory title for a person with Downs Syndrome as they bare a passing resemblence to people of Mongoloid races and should never be used.

24. Can you pay for yourself? A simple yes/no and no excuses.

Where's my bloody mail?

[Simmo86]

Failed

13 out of 24

Time taken 3 minutes 8 seconds!

See ya!!!

[Trav Le Bleu]

Where's my bloody mail?

Go teach some kids.

Oh, wait...