Arkie Bennett

Well taken.

All the praise Amazon were heaping on TAA and VvD pre-match, and they've been bang average.

Gomez dirty git as always.

Amazon timing our goal kick. No broadcaster ever does that for any other team.

We are staying up say we are staying up!

I need to clean my telly screen.

No-one.

Izak's finger wagging is becoming rather tedious. He's done it at least three times and been wrong every time.

Newcastle's players' exaggerated reaction made certain it was red.

Barnes-esque goal by Gordon.

Apart from Dan Walker.

From the IFAB website: If the referee plays advantage following a yellow-card offence, the card must be shown when the game next stops. However, if the offence was stopping or interfering with a promising attack, no card is shown, as the advantage allowed the promising attack to continue. It's a crap rule as it enables the refs to be lenient [towards certain teams]. It shouldn't be down to refs to interpret if an attack is promising.

He could have written a poem about the horrors and the absurdity of it all.

It's going Spursy.

Can't say I'm thrilled at the idea of stuffing myself on Harry Kane's cheesy knobbly stick.

They are truly horrendous. Does he really want to be remembered as some sort of half-human/half-goat hybrid?

There are Southampton fans fagging it in the smoking area who didn't even smoke before kick-off.

I think he's at centre back.

Oh well, United won a dreary mid-table borefest. Next....

Are Man U running their own silly little beard competition?

There is a lot of satisfaction in Drury screaming "Bruno Fernandes" as the rat-faced tosser puts it out for a goal kick.

Brighton are pants.

Did any of the camera angles show any contact with his head?

Sh!tting hell!

He dives, fouls our players. No card. This is how refs subtly influence the outcomes of matches.