Dementia

[leicsmac]

It is such a terrible and cruel disease - at its worst, it strips away almost all of what makes us human.

 

And given the advances we have made in addressing other diseases that might kill people at a younger age, it is only going to become more prevalent. Here's hoping we can develop ways to treat, or at least mitigate it, as soon as we can.

[HarryDee8]

I'm interested in knowing if we can do anything at a younger age to somehow prevent this from occuring?

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My dad died 5 days ago after suffering with Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's mix for the last 5 years.

 

it's a shitty awful disease like others have said you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy you truly wouldn't. It's sounds gross but my dad was in immense pain towards the end as bed sores etc took some of his toes towards the end. 
 

The irony now is that although my mum and dad split up well over 30 years ago my mum is in another care home also with dementia and Alzheimer's mix - she has started having fights with people now (I genuinely have to laugh or else I would cry) and has also been a little bit inappropriate towards family (I know what you mean @FoxesDeb) 

 

Thoughts to all regarding this as it really is a family destroying disease 

Edited 15 November 2023 by Bob Weasel Fox

[foxfanazer]

On 11/11/2023 at 22:51, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

Really sorry for your loss mate. Had a little experience of it myself and it really is the cruelest of illnesses. I find it even more difficult for the loved ones of the person with the dementia more than the person themselves. 

 

Rest in peace to your mum and I hope you and your family can heal 

[Bob Weasel Fox]

On 11/11/2023 at 22:51, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

If you need anything bud DM me

 

so sorry to hear about your loss

[TaggertvsWise]

On 14/11/2023 at 21:53, HarryDee8 said:

I'm interested in knowing if we can do anything at a younger age to somehow prevent this from occuring?

I have asked about it on the NHS as I am concerned. Literally all they can say is stay healthy, keep your body & mind active and lay off obvious stuff like too much booze, drugs etc. Not much use but if you have PMI you could get some brain scans and try to at least catch early warning signs to guide these changes

[Tommy G]

Lost my Nan and Gran (to an extent) to it. Both within 3 months of each other. Absolute shocker of a disease. 

[hebangsthedrums]

Very sorry for your loss.

It became apparent very shortly after my dad died just under 2 years ago that my something was up with mum and they had been masking the extent they were struggling.

It was horrific getting any help / diagnosis but we got her into a home for respite care but knew she would be staying there.

That was July last year and it is so tough, I feel broken at points even though its been a relatively short period of time, so be proud of living with the impact for a decade.

 

As this seems to be for general advice, for me the biggest thing has been mentioned - its impossible to do, but don't feel any guilt.

As an example I had 7 missed calls 9-9.30 this morning, and when out of the conference that stopped me being able to pick up, voicemails from her in tears - I feel guilt for not answering every call but I can't put my life on hold.

 

And this maybe just me, but try to see the humour in it.

Mum has no filter now, tells me I've got a beer belly which is quite funny, and some of the no filter convos in the home between residents are hilarious.

Similarly before mum went to the home, she said she wanted to move out as dad 'wasn't making any effort ay more'.

Given he'd been dead for 3/4 months at this point, I basically burst out laughing which did confuse her a bit further.

 

Anyone who wants the benefit of my limited experience, please PM  - its brutally tough and without offending anyone, our personal experience as a family has been the NHS and relevant Social services etc are woefully inadequate in this area.

[Foxdiamond]

On 12/11/2023 at 17:04, reporterpenguin said:

 

I’m sorry to hear that. 
 

It’s a cruel disease that I lost both Grandfathers to, 10 and 3 years ago, both great men who faded away as the disease progressed. 
 

I found there were multiple stages of grief that occurred at different times. You begin to grieve when you suspect something’s wrong, and when the diagnosis is confirmed that only hits harder. Then where their character really begins to change you really begin to feel the loss of the person, which only gets worse. Then when the person finally passes away you feel something different, a sadness, a relief, and a guilt for feeling that way. 
 

Over time, for me it was several years, the person that they really were begins to come back in your memories, not the shell that they physically became. In a way, that leads to another feeling of grief as you remember who you really lost, not who finally passed. 
 

It’s a horrible disease that strips away a person, but over time as we learn to carry the grief we can begin to remember who the person truly was, how they would want to be remembered, and the happiness they bought. 
 

I’m truly sorry for your loss. As you feel a cacophony of emotions over the coming days, weeks, months, and years, be kind to yourself. 

This post sums up everything I experienced after losing my dear dad

[TaggertvsWise]

On 16/11/2023 at 20:32, hebangsthedrums said:

Very sorry for your loss.

It became apparent very shortly after my dad died just under 2 years ago that my something was up with mum and they had been masking the extent they were struggling.

It was horrific getting any help / diagnosis but we got her into a home for respite care but knew she would be staying there.

That was July last year and it is so tough, I feel broken at points even though its been a relatively short period of time, so be proud of living with the impact for a decade.

 

As this seems to be for general advice, for me the biggest thing has been mentioned - its impossible to do, but don't feel any guilt.

As an example I had 7 missed calls 9-9.30 this morning, and when out of the conference that stopped me being able to pick up, voicemails from her in tears - I feel guilt for not answering every call but I can't put my life on hold.

 

And this maybe just me, but try to see the humour in it.

Mum has no filter now, tells me I've got a beer belly which is quite funny, and some of the no filter convos in the home between residents are hilarious.

Similarly before mum went to the home, she said she wanted to move out as dad 'wasn't making any effort ay more'.

Given he'd been dead for 3/4 months at this point, I basically burst out laughing which did confuse her a bit further.

 

Anyone who wants the benefit of my limited experience, please PM  - its brutally tough and without offending anyone, our personal experience as a family has been the NHS and relevant Social services etc are woefully inadequate in this area.

Some of those stories did make me laugh, thank you for sharing. 
 

The NHS are not equipped for it. Mum was found unresponsive about 6 months ago and they got an ambulance to take her to hospital, brought her round, stuck her in a corner until a bed was available, after 2 days whatever it was had passed but they had to transfer her to another hospital so she could occupy a bed so that she could be seen and they could say she was ok to leave. It was madness.

 

She was scared, confused, uncomfortable & had to be shunted about as it was the ‘process’. After that we said that if anything happened again just make her comfortable in her bed and at least she could be surrounded by people who care & loved her.

[TaggertvsWise]

My sister set up a Just Giving page to raise money in memory of mum to support Alzheimer’s research. If any of you would like to donate it would be most welcome.

 

https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosemaryairey?utm_term=GvrZjdJYJ&fbclid=IwAR3WQBpn7PLM3gwaRm0xqrSED6-SeS1fd-Q9RdA2xkVL_KAd0zA8sQLFMUs

 

Since we set up this page it has been surprising how many of her ex students have said something to us. If any of you ever attended Roundhill Community College (now an Academy I believe) then you may have known Mrs Airey.

 

 

[Bob Weasel Fox]

On 21/11/2023 at 08:53, TaggertvsWise said:

My sister set up a Just Giving page to raise money in memory of mum to support Alzheimer’s research. If any of you would like to donate it would be most welcome.

 

https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosemaryairey?utm_term=GvrZjdJYJ&fbclid=IwAR3WQBpn7PLM3gwaRm0xqrSED6-SeS1fd-Q9RdA2xkVL_KAd0zA8sQLFMUs

 

Since we set up this page it has been surprising how many of her ex students have said something to us. If any of you ever attended Roundhill Community College (now an Academy I believe) then you may have known Mrs Airey.

 

 

I've stuck £10 in bud, not a lot I know but I hope it all helps 🙏

[TaggertvsWise]

2 hours ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

I've stuck £10 in bud, not a lot I know but I hope it all helps 🙏

I just saw mate, thank you very much. Sorry for your loss and what you are going through with your mum right now. My thoughts are with you

[Bob Weasel Fox]

On 21/11/2023 at 08:53, TaggertvsWise said:

My sister set up a Just Giving page to raise money in memory of mum to support Alzheimer’s research. If any of you would like to donate it would be most welcome.

 

https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosemaryairey?utm_term=GvrZjdJYJ&fbclid=IwAR3WQBpn7PLM3gwaRm0xqrSED6-SeS1fd-Q9RdA2xkVL_KAd0zA8sQLFMUs

 

Since we set up this page it has been surprising how many of her ex students have said something to us. If any of you ever attended Roundhill Community College (now an Academy I believe) then you may have known Mrs Airey.

 

 

Bump 

 

hope you are ok @TaggertvsWise?

[TaggertvsWise]

Thanks fella, not too bad. Funeral tomorrow so just been finalising my eulogy, thanks for checking in. How are you doing?

[Bob Weasel Fox]

4 hours ago, TaggertvsWise said:

Thanks fella, not too bad. Funeral tomorrow so just been finalising my eulogy, thanks for checking in. How are you doing?

Yeah I'm ok ta, just come back from my dad's wake as it was his funeral today. All went as well as it could 

 

cheers bud and hope it all goes well for you 🙏

[TaggertvsWise]

38 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

Yeah I'm ok ta, just come back from my dad's wake as it was his funeral today. All went as well as it could 

 

cheers bud and hope it all goes well for you 🙏

Can’t have been easy. Thoughts & prayers with you x

[Jon the Hat]

My sympathies to those who have recently lost loved ones to this horrible disease.  We're about to lose my lovely Aunt here in Australia, and my other lovely aunt in the UK has just been formally diagnosed although it had been fairly clear for some time.  Sad times.