Dementia

[TaggertvsWise]

A place to share your experiences, feelings and find answers

[TaggertvsWise]

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

[Wymsey]

4 minutes ago, TaggertvsWise said:

A place to share your experiences, feelings and find answers

Am so sorry to hear about your Mother's death. 

 

Have got no direct family experience of it, but have seen many patients suffer from it - from varying levels.

 

Have known some elderly people from being 'normal' before their diagnosis of this condition to becoming very different mentally after.

Edited 11 November 2023 by Wymsey

[TaggertvsWise]

2 minutes ago, Wymsey said:

Am so sorry to hear about your Mother's death. 

 

Have got no direct family experience of it, but have seen many patients suffer from it - from varying levels.

 

Have known some elderly people from being 'normal' before their diagnosis of this condition to becoming very different mentally after.

Thank you. It really is a horrific condition that strains family ties & makes you question the integrity of the euthanasia law. 
 

I’m still struggling with relief vs grief. 
 

That said if anyone else is struggling, there is support out there and on here in this thread.

[tom27111]

4 minutes ago, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

 

Condolences to you and your family.

 

It's a terrible condition.

 

I have no experience of it, although my partners 91 year old grandfather is showing all the signs of it.

 

I hope talking about it in here helps you and others.

 

We're such a great community for serious issues and helping people.

[TaggertvsWise]

3 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

Condolences to you and your family.

 

It's a terrible condition.

 

I have no experience of it, although my partners 91 year old grandfather is showing all the signs of it.

 

I hope talking about it in here helps you and others.

 

We're such a great community for serious issues and helping people.

We are aren’t we? If anyone needs a place to chat please do reach out here.

[Innovindil]

Horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Sorry for your loss.

 

Watched my grandad go from one of the most steadfast and supportive men I've ever met to a shell of a man that couldn't even remember how to make a cup of tea.

 

It's not even the watching good people slowly disappear that's the worst bit, I've never seen my dad more hurt in his life than when grandad asked him how his parents were doing. How far you have to be gone to not even recognise your own children. Heartbreaking.

 

Give me a quick death over that any day. Let me sign something now that gives a professional the right to send me packing before I could hurt my family like that.

[tom27111]

8 minutes ago, TaggertvsWise said:

We are aren’t we? If anyone needs a place to chat please do reach out here.

 

We can moan about football, totally disagree, even abuse each other.

 

But on serious subjects like this, everyone comes together.

 

I know this thread will help people 

[rachhere]

So sorry to hear this. It’s over 20 years ago now, but I can still remember vividly the anguish as an 18 year old after my mum had suddenly died, and then at Christmas a few weeks later having my gran get confused and thinking that I was my mum. I wasn’t as present in my grans life as I should have been as a consequence of that which I do feel bad about, but as I have got older I have given myself more grace in understanding it was just a terrible situation anyone would struggle with. 

[TaggertvsWise]

2 minutes ago, rachhere said:

So sorry to hear this. It’s over 20 years ago now, but I can still remember vividly the anguish as an 18 year old after my mum had suddenly died, and then at Christmas a few weeks later having my gran get confused and thinking that I was my mum. I wasn’t as present in my grans life as I should have been as a consequence of that which I do feel bad about, but as I have got older I have given myself more grace in understanding it was just a terrible situation anyone would struggle with. 

Sorry you had to go through that so young, it must have been awful for you. We do carry around such guilt that simply isn’t our burden, I am happy you have found some space to breathe and be kind to yourself, it’s such an important journey x

[urban.spaceman]

27 minutes ago, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

So sorry for your loss mate. My grandad's got horrendous towards the end. Deeply unpleasant disease.

 

Great idea for a thread, hope it helps others with this illness in their family.

[TaggertvsWise]

16 minutes ago, Innovindil said:

Horrible disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Sorry for your loss.

 

Watched my grandad go from one of the most steadfast and supportive men I've ever met to a shell of a man that couldn't even remember how to make a cup of tea.

 

It's not even the watching good people slowly disappear that's the worst bit, I've never seen my dad more hurt in his life than when grandad asked him how his parents were doing. How far you have to be gone to not even recognise your own children. Heartbreaking.

 

Give me a quick death over that any day. Let me sign something now that gives a professional the right to send me packing before I could hurt my family like that.

100% I bet your grandad was a cracker, I recall mine berating me I hadn’t got any LCFC players in my sticker book after 1 week of collecting aged 8! Another strong man who ultimately suffered. 

My mum, the matriarch couldn’t walk, talk, feed herself at the end. Utter indignity. I hope she is sharing a sherry & a drink with your grandad now laughing at how easy they now have it!

[filthyfox]

23 minutes ago, TaggertvsWise said:

100% I bet your grandad was a cracker, I recall mine berating me I hadn’t got any LCFC players in my sticker book after 1 week of collecting aged 8! Another strong man who ultimately suffered. 

My mum, the matriarch couldn’t walk, talk, feed herself at the end. Utter indignity. I hope she is sharing a sherry & a drink with your grandad now laughing at how easy they now have it!

My Grandma will be in the same room sipping a g and t....  or brandy....  or a g and t followed by a brandy.

 

Much love mate. X

[PAULCFC]

Sorry to hear that mate.My dad went the same way a couple of years ago.It sounds callous but it was a relief when he finally went as he was a shell of what he really was.

[Foxdiamond]

16 hours ago, PAULCFC said:

Sorry to hear that mate.My dad went the same way a couple of years ago.It sounds callous but it was a relief when he finally went as he was a shell of what he really was.

Lost my dad to dementia too. I can understand how you felt 

[st albans fox]

An ugly disease and so painful for those who have to deal with it and its consequence. 

 

I found myself unable to relate to my mum being the person I’d known for so long. It was like she was just an empty human who  just wasn’t my mum. the last two years being mostly during covid didn’t help that and probably hastened her eventual passing. 

 

because it’s such a slow demise, I think it helped in the sense that losing a parent is so very difficult.  I came to terms with her death some time before it happened.  

[reporterpenguin]

 

17 hours ago, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

I’m sorry to hear that. 
 

It’s a cruel disease that I lost both Grandfathers to, 10 and 3 years ago, both great men who faded away as the disease progressed. 
 

I found there were multiple stages of grief that occurred at different times. You begin to grieve when you suspect something’s wrong, and when the diagnosis is confirmed that only hits harder. Then where their character really begins to change you really begin to feel the loss of the person, which only gets worse. Then when the person finally passes away you feel something different, a sadness, a relief, and a guilt for feeling that way. 
 

Over time, for me it was several years, the person that they really were begins to come back in your memories, not the shell that they physically became. In a way, that leads to another feeling of grief as you remember who you really lost, not who finally passed. 
 

It’s a horrible disease that strips away a person, but over time as we learn to carry the grief we can begin to remember who the person truly was, how they would want to be remembered, and the happiness they bought. 
 

I’m truly sorry for your loss. As you feel a cacophony of emotions over the coming days, weeks, months, and years, be kind to yourself. 

[BeardyFox]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you look after yourself during this difficult time and try to remember the happy times. 
 

My father was diagnosed with early on-set shortly after his 60th birthday. 
A couple of years earlier we lost my mums dad to it so it was devastating especially for mum. 
 

Eight tough years have passed and he has severe behavioural and physical needs that means he has to be in a care home. During this time I’ve seen my mum display super human strength and my sisters and I have become closer. 
Dad hasn’t recognised me for nearly two years and he can no longer speak, only really the occasional coherent word. 
 

We get so caught up in life over various things. But the thing I want to do most in the world is just have a normal conversation with my dad.

It’s stolen my father and it’s ruined my mums later life plans. They should be enjoying retirement and doing things they want to but it has all been taken away. 
 

 

[PAULCFC]

1 hour ago, reporterpenguin said:

Over time, for me it was several years, the person that they really were begins to come back in your memories, not the shell that they physically became. In a way, that leads to another feeling of grief as you remember who you really lost, not who finally passed. 

Yeah same for me.At the time i was sort of matter of fact about it because we all saw it coming.

[TaggertvsWise]

2 hours ago, BeardyFox said:

So sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you look after yourself during this difficult time and try to remember the happy times. 
 

My father was diagnosed with early on-set shortly after his 60th birthday. 
A couple of years earlier we lost my mums dad to it so it was devastating especially for mum. 
 

Eight tough years have passed and he has severe behavioural and physical needs that means he has to be in a care home. During this time I’ve seen my mum display super human strength and my sisters and I have become closer. 
Dad hasn’t recognised me for nearly two years and he can no longer speak, only really the occasional coherent word. 
 

We get so caught up in life over various things. But the thing I want to do most in the world is just have a normal conversation with my dad.

It’s stolen my father and it’s ruined my mums later life plans. They should be enjoying retirement and doing things they want to but it has all been taken away. 
 

 

Sorry to hear this, I can relate to it, I wanted mum to guide me through my divorce with girl advice she gave me at uni! Likewise when I was back in the market and ultimately marrying again and having 2 little girls and an amazing daughter in law that she never really knew due to her condition. I feel this was stolen as was her retirement with my dad.
 

Just got back from the midlands planning her funeral with my siblings. It was comforting to be with them, even my brother going off topic asking me who I felt Leicester’s best player was this season! (I said Hermansen by the way!)

 

It’s such a mixture of emotions, relief, sadness, guilt and regret but having loved ones around you is invaluable

[TaggertvsWise]

3 hours ago, reporterpenguin said:

 

I’m sorry to hear that. 
 

It’s a cruel disease that I lost both Grandfathers to, 10 and 3 years ago, both great men who faded away as the disease progressed. 
 

I found there were multiple stages of grief that occurred at different times. You begin to grieve when you suspect something’s wrong, and when the diagnosis is confirmed that only hits harder. Then where their character really begins to change you really begin to feel the loss of the person, which only gets worse. Then when the person finally passes away you feel something different, a sadness, a relief, and a guilt for feeling that way. 
 

Over time, for me it was several years, the person that they really were begins to come back in your memories, not the shell that they physically became. In a way, that leads to another feeling of grief as you remember who you really lost, not who finally passed. 
 

It’s a horrible disease that strips away a person, but over time as we learn to carry the grief we can begin to remember who the person truly was, how they would want to be remembered, and the happiness they bought. 
 

I’m truly sorry for your loss. As you feel a cacophony of emotions over the coming days, weeks, months, and years, be kind to yourself. 

This is a lovely sentiment thank you. I will dip into this when I read her eulogy x

[bovril]

21 hours ago, TaggertvsWise said:

Today I lost my mum after 10 years of dementia. Her journey contributed to my brother’s alcoholism, my depression and ultimately her death. 
 

She was a remarkable woman and I just want to eulogise her memory in some form.

 

I couldn’t find a specific thread dedicated to this so hopefully if you are struggling too with this condition from whatever angle you can find hope & support here. 

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you and your brother are doing ok. My thoughts are with all your family.

[TaggertvsWise]

2 hours ago, bovril said:

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you and your brother are doing ok. My thoughts are with all your family.

Thank you x

[oakman]

Sorry for your loss, it's such a cruel disease and is so hard on the loved ones. 

 

My best mates mum (basically my second mum) had the disease for 11 years before passing and I had to stop visiting her as it upset her so much. She was scared of me, she'd ask who I was and what I wanted whilst in tears. It was heartbreaking.

[FoxesDeb]

44 minutes ago, oakman said:

Sorry for your loss, it's such a cruel disease and is so hard on the loved ones. 

 

My best mates mum (basically my second mum) had the disease for 11 years before passing and I had to stop visiting her as it upset her so much. She was scared of me, she'd ask who I was and what I wanted whilst in tears. It was heartbreaking.

My Dad died with dementia a few years back now, and in the end I only visited him during the night when he was asleep. He didn't know who I was in the end, and he went from talking to me as his 'pretty little girl' when I think he still saw me as about 8 years old, to making inappropriate remarks and sexual gestures towards me when he saw me as a woman he didn't know at all. 

 

The care home staff were great, I'd drive down to see him in the middle of the night to just sit with him while he slept, they'd let me in and just keep checking on us every now and then. He didn't know in the end if people were with him when he was awake so for him I don't think it made any difference, and I just couldn't face my Dad being such a different person. There can't be much worse than one of your parents looking you straight in the eyes and asking someone else who you are