Guest Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 below is the profile of a regular poster on these forums. Can you guess who? I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I've got a love-child that sends me hate mail.But, I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the "F" word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I've got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hangin in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hangin tough, over and out!
Finnegan Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Stunning bit of prose. (ps, pint if anyone knows who wrote it without Googling.)
Guest Bilo Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 I was torn between Bill Hicks and George Carlin. Do I get half a pint?
Captain... Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 I was torn between Bill Hicks and George Carlin. Ultimate dead celebrity spit roast that.
MooseBreath Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Seen this a few times but never been able to get past about the middle of the 2nd paragraph. Is there any eventual point to it or does it just carry on as a kind of jumbled up and meaningless thesaurus of distinctively modern words and phrases?
Finnegan Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Seen this a few times but never been able to get past about the middle of the 2nd paragraph. Is there any eventual point to it or does it just carry on as a kind of jumbled up and meaningless thesaurus of distinctively modern words and phrases? Good God. I'd stick to the Sun if you find this hard to penetrate.
Jaspa Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Good God. I'd stick to the Sun if you find this hard to penetrate. Its yours innit?
Finnegan Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Its yours innit? Obviously. FIF wouldn't have started the thread for anyone else!
RobHawk Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Obviously. FIF wouldn't have started the thread for anyone else! Wheres Harry hill when you need him? Who's better Finn or FIF?
MooseBreath Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Good God. I'd stick to the Sun if you find this hard to penetrate. I'll take that as a no then
Fox92 Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 Always liked the "I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free" bit.
AoWW Posted 29 May 2013 Posted 29 May 2013 AOWW ? The "likes rough sex" was a dead giveaway . You said you'd never talk about the time we spent together.
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