Limericks. Post Them Here.

[The People's Hero]

Dreaming of a system which was fairer,

Our self styled society repairer,

Considered everyone's plight,

Did what must be right,

And state-funded a dead woman's carer.

 

[Guest MattP]

Along came a man with a grant,

He wanted to hear someone rant,

Have you heard DNO?

I have to say no,

Well, I hope you don't need a transplant.

[The People's Hero]

The defence lawyer got to his feet,

Repeated his defence so sound and complete,

These claims can't be true

He's a picture of virtue,

He must be; he lives on the street.

[Webbo]

If this just turns into a lets have a go at Ken thread I'll close it.

[Guest MattP]

His gambling cost him his home,

Excuse was he's living alone,

Though I don't know the facts

It's that bedroom tax

Now Hill's have a crisis loan.

[The People's Hero]

If this just turns into a lets have a go at Ken thread I'll close it.

It's a thread for limericks on all subjects. Please can this be the last post in non-limerick format?

Perhaps ken could enter in to the spirit and write his own. As a special concession it doesn't even have to scan. Or rhyme.

[Guest MattP]

There was a young Jew called Eyal,

He's cried since his Spurs team lost Bale,

But on the way from ground,

He picked up a pound,

And now he's picked up his tail.

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

There was a young man named Paul,

Who went to a fancy dress ball,

He thought he would risk it,

And go as a biscuit,

But a dog eat him up in the hall.

[Mr.X]

Silly Billy

Had a ten foot willy

She thought it was a snake

Attacked it with a rake

And now it's only four foot four

[Zingari]

Strange this, I was going to start a thread called "Poets Corner" today after reading some of the efforts being posted in other threads. They need to be collected up and copied and pasted into one thread . They're all scattered in different threads. Some of the poems are great, but i can't remember where they all are now.

 

edit;

this is not just a very bad limerick , it's just me making a point. 

[AKCJ]

My wife is one hell of a whore

She would lie on the rug of the floor

With her manner uncanny

She'd wiggle her fanny

And drain my balls to the core.

[mr whippy]

Mary had a little pig

It wouldn't stop its grunting

She took it in the garden shed

And kicked its fvcking cvnt in

[Fez of Mahrez]

Don't you know how a limerick's constructed?

Prepare yourself to be instructed

Three lines of rhymes

Two more between times

Now consider your rep points deducted

[Zingari]

There is a big lady in  leicester

Every bloke wants  to molest 'er

Her arse is  so large

She once sat on Raj

And his genitals started to fester.

 

 

No doubt Raj won't appreciate all the hard work and loving care i've taken to write this lovely poem about him . He's very ungrateful you know. 

[I am Rod Hull]

Webbo hates a good limerick

Its not the Ken bashing that makes him sick

sniffing paint all day

has made him gay

and turned him into a dick

 

Soz, pal   

[Zingari]

There is a fine fellow called Moose

Considers   putting his head in a noose 

Whining lefty do gooders 

And and lack of dutch rudders 

Made him think its time to cut loose

[Jimothy]

There was a young man of Devizes,

Whose balls were of different sizes.

One was so small,

It was nothing at all;

The other took numerous prizes.

[mr whippy]

There once was a girl from Carshalton

Who had one big tit,one small one

As well as that

She had a giant size tw@t

And a fart like a 500 Norton

[Trav Le Bleu]

There was an old man from St Bees

Who was stung on the arm by a wasp

When asked, "does it hurt?"

He replied, "no it doesn't"

"I'm just glad it wasn't a hornet!"

 

There was a young bloke named Woolers,

Who was frequently changing his colours,

"I'm a blue!" he said

Then, "no I am red!"

Whilst eating his yogurt from Mullers.

 

 

Mary had a little pig
It wouldn't stop its grunting
She took it in the garden shed
And kicked its fvcking cvnt in

 

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a duck

She put them in the breeding pen

To see if they would make friends

 

Mary had a little bike

She rode it back to front

And every time the wheel went round

A spoke went up her dress

[Trav Le Bleu]

The FoxesTalk Poster Zingari

Was caught out one day on safari

He told himself, "I know,"

"I'll tickle a rhino!"

"And escape by wearing this sari!"

[Webbo]

Webbo hates a good limerick

Its not the Ken bashing that makes him sick

sniffing paint all day

has made him gay

and turned him into a dick

 

Soz, pal   

It wasn't the paint fumes that turned me gay as you well know, I was shitting dough noughts for a fortnight after our night together. 

[Zingari]

The FoxesTalk Poster Zingari

Was caught out one day on safari

He told himself, "I know,"

"I'll tickle a rhino!"

"And escape by wearing this sari!"

 

And I thought I was safe ,

[AKCJ]

Bernie is a fan of Leicester

He wears the hat of a Jester

If you like Coventry

Notts Forest or Derby

Then he will probably molest ya.

[The Year Of The Fox]

Roses are red violets are blue

This makes no sense. Microwave

[I am Rod Hull]

It wasn't the paint fumes that turned me gay as you well know, I was shitting dough noughts for a fortnight after our night together. 

 

Webbo met Rod Hull when pissed 

they hugged, cuddled and kissed

he wanted a bit more

so he lay on the floor

and took Rods Emu fist

 

When Webbo woke up the next day

he didnt know what to say

so he slipped out the house

quiet as a mouse

and ran up the road like a gay