Limericks. Post Them Here.

[Webbo]

You make it sound dirty.

[AKCJ]

Nigel shoes are incredibly white

and are unbelievably bright.

Steve and Craig's

Vision went vague

And they've subsequently lost their sight.

[Rincewind]

I am willing to enter the spirit

And even write a limerick

But I will speak against lack of empathy

From other posters that I see

Who are sadly no better than those who say innit.

 

I can do better. It was rushed.

[Rincewind]

It's a thread for limericks on all subjects. Please can this be the last post in non-limerick format?

Perhaps ken could enter in to the spirit and write his own. As a special concession it doesn't even have to scan. Or rhyme.

It would not be a limerick then?

[Webbo]

There was a poster Rod Hull

Who went for a night on the pull

He saw a young mod

Who looked like a god

And soon his bottom was full (of cock)

[FoxesAreBlue]

I remember my mate telling me one at school years ago, I think it's from a film...

She drank a cup of Darjeeling

And had a peculiar feeling

She lay on her back

Opened her crack

And pissed all up the ceiling

[Rincewind]

When Moosebreath was out one night

He saw before him a blinding light

With feelings of granduar

His visions were in  colour

But his brain processed in black and white.

[I am Rod Hull]

There was a poster Rod Hull

Who went for a night on the pull

He saw a young mod

Who looked like a god

And soon his bottom was full (of cock)

 

I had that coming. 

[MooseBreath]

ken suffered a bad heart attack
doc told him no drinking or else you'll be back
ken said no
i don't think so
you clearly don't know the full facts

[notnow john]

Youre thirty and fat but look older

As you you sit at your laptop and smoulder

But it must get your goat

When you can't find a coat

To fit over the chip on your shoulder.

[The People's Hero]

Some of these internet fellas,

Allow anonymity to make them over zealous,

Spout about chips on shoulders,

Maybe the 20th time they've told us,

We're left to conclude they're just jealous.

[notnow john]

Wether your knowledge is narrow or vast

The Limerick rules are stuck fast

If you're lazy and shirk

It just does not work

As the fist line must rhyme with the last.

[James.]

There was once a man called ozleicester

Who's a rumoured animal rights protestor

But then we discovered

He had a cat who had suffered

So now we know he's more a molestor

[Rincewind]

A young man known as The Peoples Hero

At midnight to bed he said no no no

As the dawn did break

His children were awake

Now earlier to bed he wishes he did go.

[cambridgefox]

Silly Billy

Had a ten foot willy

She thought it was a snake

Attacked it with a rake

And now it's only four foot four

i can believe the 10 foot willy bit,but surely if it had been hit by a rake it would be swollen and bigger.just saying.

[MooseBreath]

Lamby got a job nine til five

Made him feel happy and alive

Then he got his cock out

Shook it all about

And got himself a p45

[cambridgefox]

There once was a lady from Ongar

Got attacked in the sea by a conger

When her friend said " Nell,how did it feel?"

She said" just like a man only longer."

[cambridgefox]

Dreaming of a system which was fairer,

Our self styled society repairer,

Considered everyone's plight,

Did what must be right,

And state-funded a dead woman's carer.

There once was a young man from kent

Who's knob was so long it bent

To save himself trouble

He bent it in double

And instead of coming he went

[Rincewind]

There was a young man named Moosebreath

Who toyed with the idea with the idea of death

He said when Foxestalk friends see me post it

They will surely tell me not to do it

But they had him on ignore, poor Moosebreath.

[cambridgefox]

There once was a man MattP

Who had urges for Nanny McPhee

But because of his endeavour

For gimp masks and leather

He spent the night with Zingari

[MooseBreath]

Rincewind's much fabled intelligence

and beautiful bold benevolence

impresses me most

when he goes and posts

something of total irrelevance

[Stadt]

Rincewind's much fabled intelligence

and beautiful bold benevolence

impresses me most

when he goes and posts

something of total irrelevance

Best one yet!

[Saxondale]

Ken is a poster we know

Who talks about a radio show

When unrelated debates

Make some posters irate

He tells us about DNO

 

Sorry Ken! 

[Zingari]

There once was a man MattP

Who had urges for Nanny McPhee

But because of his endeavour

For gimp masks and leather

He spent the night with Zingari

Somehow I'm giving a very different image of myself on this forum to the real me. Gay trysts and bdsm gear is not my cup of special brew at all.

 

Although I suppose I do resemble Nanny McPhee more than I'd like to  !!

[Rincewind]

Not a limerick and not mine.

It is by Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy

 

 

22 Reasons for the Bedroom Tax

 

Because the Badgers are moving the goalposts.
The Ferrets are bending the rules.
The Weasels are taking the hindmost.
The Otters are downing tools.

 

The Hedgehogs are changing the game-plan
The Grass-snakes are spitting tacks.

 

The Squirrels are playing the blame-game.
The Skunks are twisting the facts.

 

The Pole-cats are upping the ante.
The Foxes are jumping the gun.
The Voles are crashing the party.
The Stoats are dismantling the Sun.

 

The Rabbits are taking the biscuit.
The Hares are losing the plot.
The Eagles are kicking the bucket.
The Rats are joining the dots.

 

The Herons are throwing a curveball.
The Shrews are fanning the flames.
The Field mice are sinking the 8-ball.
The Swans are passing the blame.

 

And the Pheasants are draining the oil from the tank-
but only the Bustards have broken the bank.