Limericks. Post Them Here.

[Guest MattP]

at the last three

Sir Alf was of Irish extraction,

He roused the shop floor into action,

He takes his communion,

And marches his union,

To try and get a government reaction

[Strokes]

There once was a fellow called Strokes

Who didn't like women but blokes

He knelt on the table

All willing and able

Charging 3 pound 50 for pokes

Sorry Strokes

Cambridge he created a limerick

the content you may find a bit sick

I am afraid it is true

But please do not let him enter you

As he won't pay and has a little dick.

[Guest MattP]

Ronnie he claims to be purple,

Though politically he sways left of Merkel

Friends with Bob Crow?

Not with lapels from Saville Row,

He's secretly in the UKIP circle.

[Guest MattP]

Leicsmac has got his life in ordern

His horizons are going to be broader,

Now he's off to Korea,

For most part of year,

But please don't go north of the border.

[Strokes]

Baltimore created a thread

That made him look brain dead

But his limericks are fun

So stay in here my son

And test the boundries with racism instead

[Zingari]

Right!!

 

My mucker my mate, Zingari

Wasn't allowed in the Army

Why not said he

Perplexed as could be

Your conspiracy fears are all barmy

 

I'll fight for t'other side he retorted

I'm not going to be thus thwarted

He went off Moscow

Without any real dough

And married a Cossack he'd courted

 

Now Smudge took pity on Zing's fall

And in the 60's gave him a call

Come home my mate

It's not too late

There's loads like you in Whitehall

ding ding round 2

 

Smudge believes all that they say,

'Bout terrorism and JFK

9-11's a lie 

and Jack didn't die

By a lone nut assassin that day

 

One day he'll open his eyes 

And see it's a big pack of lies

They've played us for fools

And broke all the rules 

Though by then , too late to be wise!

 

 

 

Must be off now, big day today , COME ON ENGLAND 

[Jimothy]

I was dating a girl called Ester

But I eventually came to detest her

When over a pint of beer

She made it quite clear

That she'd rather watch Forest than Leicester.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Whilst posting the FoxesTalker Mark W

Got drunk and typed out "I luva you"

"fuget the resht"

"Yure de besht"

"And I'll never fink any lesh ofa you!"

[Trav Le Bleu]

There was a Leicester ex-pat called Smudge

Who asked for some old English fudge

But his old FT Mates

Wouldn't send to the States

Any sweets cos they were bearing a grudge

[Trav Le Bleu]

There was a television presenter named Adrian

Who was caught out presenting his show again

"We have to face this

"You're clearly a racist!"

Cried the public (ok, not all, just the median.)

[Smudge]

I know a blues man named Travis

Who played a big gig North of Paris

When his turntable stuck

He said what the fvck!

And downed a whole bottle of anis

[Guest MattP]

I know a cockney shirker called Lamby,

I swear that boy has been on the brandy,

Has delusions of power,

And wants £8 an hour,

But his cock came out because he was randy.

[notnow john]

He lay on the bed in his socks

Told her how much he missed Ultravox

Her long slim legs quivered

As the postman delivered

Unfortunately in the wrong box

[Trav Le Bleu]

I know a blues man named Travis

Who played a big gig North of Paris

When his turntable stuck

He said what the fvck!

And downed a whole bottle of anis

 

I think you're the first person to ever get a Limerick for my name

[Smudge]

I think you're the first person to ever get a Limerick for my name

I've got a six verse one for AOWW but I'm too scared to use it

[Trav Le Bleu]

I've got a six verse one for AOWW but I'm too scared to use it

 

Understandable.

[Webbo]

Our chancellor young Gideon

had an affair with Anne Widdecomb

He said "oh Anne"

"You've made me a man"

"But after that poke I'm a giddy un"

[Smudge]

ding ding round 2

 

Smudge believes all that they say,

'Bout terrorism and JFK

9-11's a lie 

and Jack didn't die

By a lone nut assassin that day

 

One day he'll open his eyes 

And see it's a big pack of lies

They've played us for fools

And broke all the rules 

Though by then , too late to be wise!

 

 

 

Must be off now, big day today , COME ON ENGLAND 

You relate "I believe all they say"

That's a lie and you'll have to pay

Write down 100 lines

"Smudge reads all the zines

That question that murderous day"

 

Another untruth I'd expose

Is that you call me a Tory in prose

It's just not true

That voted blue

I'm just not a left winger in hose

 

 

[Zingari]

I've got a six verse one for AOWW but I'm too scared to use it

I doubt if six would be long enough for her. 

[Rincewind]

There was once a- heartless bastard called Don

Who looked down on the poor that he pissed on.

Then one day his legs he broke

And with no job was broke

Now Don is the one who is pissed on.

[Guest MattP]

Don was told to go out on the street

Some folks at DNO he did meet

Signed on with his asthma

Got a 50 inch plasma

Now his life has become ever so sweet.

[Guest MattP]

Left the Centre and went to Bargain Booze,

Picked up my copy of Welfare news,

Just £150 to spend?

We've a society to mend,

Guy on Panj Radio says we're treated worse than the Jews.

[MPH]

There was a young poster called MattP,

left-wing rhetoric made him less happy..

socialism drove him barmy,

On Foxestalk He formed a keyboard army

the lefties now think hes a bit wappy..

[MooseBreath]

Chillin by da sea, watching dem big waves

Gettin boozed up, nothin more I need to crave

Then what I dread most

A letter in the post

An offer of a job, u wat, I ain't a slave

[Harry - LCFC]

I know this is going to make me sound dull and pedantic but the amount of times I've seen lines overloaded with syllables has started to annoy me. Composition, people, composition.