Depression

[spacemunky]

6 hours ago, Lionator said:

Slipped again this morning after a couple of good weeks. Drunk at 8am 🙃 people get through this right?

Been there many times myself.

 

And....yes.

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

17 hours ago, spacemunky said:

Been there many times myself.

 

And....yes.

Same.

 

I’m currently unfortunately back in that position, as all hell is letting loose and I’ve let myself down massively and can’t cope with the shame of it all sober, so here I am, dominoes and 4 pints in at 8am, off work, but I know I have my drink meeting Friday afternoon and will go and be open and honest there, and it’s a great place to take accountability and listen to people in similar, some not as bad some much worse, but it’s all relative, positions. 
 

it’s all I can do and probably all you can too for now, but something will kickstart you in to gear, just don’t be too hard on yourself, I think people like us have severe undiagnosed personality disorders of one form or another, generally, but who knows and does it really matter, I don’t know.

[filthyfox]

Made this little guy last night.

 

Really helping with focus!

[urban.spaceman]

On 18/09/2025 at 00:24, urban.spaceman said:

 

Hellish couple of days. Had to ask for an advance from UC, which they have granted, but have to pay it back out of any future payments or my wages over the course of a year. So have a little bit to tide me over for now. I have spent 3 whole days trying to get in touch with someone at the direct payments company I get my salary from for the care work, but they're ****ing impossible - nobody answers the phone at the Leicester (remote) branch on the first 2 goes then someone does pick up but they're from a completely different region. Turns out each of the regions have completely different systems which are all saying very different things than to what is on my pay slip about what I'm owed. I've explained that to about 4 different people but I'm stuck in a "I'll pass you on to..." loop then have to wait hours without any contact before trying to ring them again because nobody has called me back or emailed anything. Not a single bit of process made and I don't know where I stand or if I'll even get paid. Today (Wednesday) was the day they process the timesheets meaning that even if I do get it sorted out now, they'll refuse to pay me until next month because 'they'll get a fine'. So again, I'm back in Groundhog Day where I can't move forward, can't get any help, and I can't do anything about it. It's so stressful that I can't sleep or focus on anything, my entire body tenses up, and my back decides it wants in on the stress party and is just going to be as painful as ****. I'm so tired of living like this. 

 

On the other hand, my brain decides to reward me with a new film idea from start to finish, characters, plot, dialogue, everything, that takes me away from other stuff I've been writing but have struggled to continue working on because I should be focusing on finding some 'proper' work that is actually paid. Might just start an OnlyFans.

Tried all last week to get in touch with them again, finally spoke to someone on Thursday and either the phone line cut out or the ****ers hung up on me. So rang the council on Friday for some help, and they must have given them a bollocking cos this morning, before I could start calling anyone, I got a call from the company basically saying I could claim all the hours I'd earned and in one go, paid this Friday! So instead of poverty for the next month or two I can finally have a bit of financial freedom and can rest my mind for a bit, treat myself to one or two necessities, and financially plan for a thing or two. My body is so much more relaxed than it was this morning. Relief. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 24/09/2025 at 03:54, filthyfox said:

Also...   it has now been one year since I stopped destroying myself.

Congrats!

 

On 24/09/2025 at 09:35, Wsl said:

Yes, of course people do, and you can get through this! But it sounds like you could do with more help.  I know you've had a good chat with your boss, and this seems a good time to fix stuff - it's a good opportunity. I'm no expert on what's available to you, but you need to take it step by step, and whatever helps you not to reach for a drink in the morning sounds the first thing to tackle (otherwise there's a risk that you write the whole day off and start again the next day, but the next day starts the same way as the day before!)

 

Some people get some help from AA (and ignore the bits that don't work for them, some Zoom meetings are easier for someone new than an in person meeting), some use CBT.  Does your work have an employee health/help scheme which is usually anonymous - we've got PAM Wellness, but I've heard of other assistance programmes. Is working at work more an option? Sometimes taking yourself out of the place that enables you to drink in the morning at least starts to help address that?

 

And I'm not underestimating that this will be hard, and there is stuff to sort beyond the physical pouring yourself a drink first thing, but may be today search around and see if you can call one person/organisation/ or make an appointment to see someone to get some help - it would be a good step that comes out of today? 

 

Most important of all, don't forget you've had a couple of good weeks, so well done in getting that under your belt - don't dismiss that or forget that -  it shows you can do it  - just because today didn't start off so well.

 

Good luck!

^^^ Sage advice. 
 

On 24/09/2025 at 08:33, Lionator said:

Slipped again this morning after a couple of good weeks. Drunk at 8am 🙃 people get through this right?

Hope you're doing better this week mate. One thing that resonated with me was a Newsnight debate with Matthew Perry, an addiction expert and Peter Hitchens, who was about as ignorant on the subject as you can imagine. Perry said that "I am in control of the first drink". That's helped me completely redefine my relationship with alcohol. Did you manage to get some CBD gummies sorted out?

[Lionator]

20 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Congrats!

 

^^^ Sage advice. 
 

Hope you're doing better this week mate. One thing that resonated with me was a Newsnight debate with Matthew Perry, an addiction expert and Peter Hitchens, who was about as ignorant on the subject as you can imagine. Perry said that "I am in control of the first drink". That's helped me completely redefine my relationship with alcohol. Did you manage to get some CBD gummies sorted out?

Yes thank you! I got a spray though, it actually works a treat. My anxiety is much much worse in the mornings so I’ve been getting up, having a bit and getting stuck into the day. Have gone back to the gym too, apart from a bit of a blip Sunday evening, it’s been good since that original post. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 30/09/2025 at 13:47, Lionator said:

Yes thank you! I got a spray though, it actually works a treat. My anxiety is much much worse in the mornings so I’ve been getting up, having a bit and getting stuck into the day. Have gone back to the gym too, apart from a bit of a blip Sunday evening, it’s been good since that original post. 

Really chuffed to read this mate. There's SO many medicinal benefits from that plant. It needs to be explored and opened up for responsible use much quicker than it is IMO. Glad you're doing better.

[urban.spaceman]

On 29/09/2025 at 17:01, urban.spaceman said:

Tried all last week to get in touch with them again, finally spoke to someone on Thursday and either the phone line cut out or the ****ers hung up on me. So rang the council on Friday for some help, and they must have given them a bollocking cos this morning, before I could start calling anyone, I got a call from the company basically saying I could claim all the hours I'd earned and in one go, paid this Friday! So instead of poverty for the next month or two I can finally have a bit of financial freedom and can rest my mind for a bit, treat myself to one or two necessities, and financially plan for a thing or two. My body is so much more relaxed than it was this morning. Relief. 

Spoke too soon. Still haven't been paid. Couldn't get in touch with anyone on the first 3 tries. Someone finally answered the phone on the 4th try, I asked to speak to the Accounts person who said they'd pay me today... He's on his ****ing holidays. 
The person I spoke to said they'd try and get in contact with the covering accounts guy, but I hadn't heard anything by 4 so tried calling them back as their website says they're closed at 4.30 on Fridays.... And they were closed. At 4pm. 
So I started calling other offices in completely different regions, just trying to speak to someone. The phone answered on the second try... and it was the same person I'd spoken to in the ****ing Leicester office. They put me on hold while they tried to get in touch with the person who should have rung me earlier, and after 5 minutes on hold, I get cut off. Get a call back 20 minutes later saying to check my bank by 6 as it should be in. And it is. But only 75% of it. Still can't afford to pay back people I need to pay back or just book a sodding holiday and have some time off. 
Six weeks of trying to get this sorted, to try to be like a normal person, and I still end up being ****ed over. Not just financially, the toll on my mental health affects me physiologically. My neck and back are so tense and stressed, it's ****ing agony!!

[urban.spaceman]

Quote of the day:

 

"I've got this horrible feeling that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me!"

 

- Dave

[Foxhateram]

Proper stuck for money this month guys. I get paid on the 25th anyone able to help out? So embarrassing asking but got no where to turn. 

[Sampson]

This is still one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen about trying to hope within the darkness and when your brain chemistry is at its lowest. It’s about 20 minutes long but I’ve rewatched it quite a few times when I’m feeling down and it helps.

[foxfanazer]

Been an unusually long time since anyone posted in this thread which is either a good thing because everyone's doing alright or a bad thing as people are suffering in silence.

 

Just wanted to say (and I'm sure I speak for others) that my inbox will be open for anyone struggling at this time of year. It can feel sometimes like nobody cares but we're a family on here, albeit a dysfunctional one. Not guaranteed that anyone can fix your problems but there will certainly be people here to listen and chat to

 

Things may seem bleak and yes you do support a shit football club but don't bottle it up

 

Edited 1 December 2025 by foxfanazer

[spacemunky]

I've almost posted in this a few times recently.

 

I'm sure as with many, I find this time of the year especially tough. 

 

November and December are the months I lost my parents. My mom, who I had my struggles with, died suddenly and unfortunately at a time when we weren't speaking to each other.

 

My dad passed away in December, on my birthday fourteen years ago.

 

Even though its been over 10 years since they passed, I still seem to feel down every year at this time.

 

And then...there's Christmas.

 

I'm also trying to get through it this year sans alcohol, which is always a struggle for me.

[foxfanazer]

3 hours ago, spacemunky said:

I've almost posted in this a few times recently.

 

I'm sure as with many, I find this time of the year especially tough. 

 

November and December are the months I lost my parents. My mom, who I had my struggles with, died suddenly and unfortunately at a time when we weren't speaking to each other.

 

My dad passed away in December, on my birthday fourteen years ago.

 

Even though its been over 10 years since they passed, I still seem to feel down every year at this time.

 

And then...there's Christmas.

 

I'm also trying to get through it this year sans alcohol, which is always a struggle for me.

Never hesitate to post mate, there's some really great people on here. 

 

Grief's grief, whether it's 6 months or 10 years, there's no timeframe on when you should be over it bud. And like you say this time of year highlights it even more when every Christmas advert has the full family around the dinner table when in reality not everybody has that

 

Good luck with the no drinking pal

[Trav Le Bleu]

5 hours ago, spacemunky said:

I've almost posted in this a few times recently.

 

I'm sure as with many, I find this time of the year especially tough. 

 

November and December are the months I lost my parents. My mom, who I had my struggles with, died suddenly and unfortunately at a time when we weren't speaking to each other.

 

My dad passed away in December, on my birthday fourteen years ago.

 

Even though its been over 10 years since they passed, I still seem to feel down every year at this time.

 

And then...there's Christmas.

 

I'm also trying to get through it this year sans alcohol, which is always a struggle for me.

Hang in there buddy, County are doing ok!

 

I hate Christmas. Not because anything bad has happened to me at this time of year, but for how I see it affecting others.

 

Given how few people view it as a religious occasion these days, it's amazing that anyone does it. It puts so much strain into one day of the year.

 

Why bottleneck generosity and pleasantry to one day (and maybe a few either side) of the year? Why not just buy a gift for someone whenever, because you want to and not because the date requires it? A time for good will towards all? No - every day should be a time for good will towards all!

 

I can't even think it's a good fiscal model. Yes, a lot of money is made from Christmas, but relying on maybe 90% of your turnover coming in 2-3:months of the year surely can't be good?

 

Of course, in regard to depression, it's the expectation that somehow this day should be better than the other 364/5 days of the year... and it's not. It's just another day, unless you're an actual practicing Catholic or Protestant.

 

Noddy Holder said he wished it could be Christmas everyday. Ok, so when the turkey runs out and the brandy cream, you'll walk to the corner shop (cos the supermarket is closed and there's been no delivery of fuel to the petrol station) and realise that you haven't bought anyone a present today, but all there is on the shelves are some dry crackers, a bag of red onions and a bottle of Ribena. You're also out of toilet paper.

 

 have I made people more depressed? Sorry.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

 

Be nice EVERY day.

 

Give gifts WHENEVER because you WANT to.

 

Have friends and family around ANYTIME!

 

Of course, it's not as bad as pancake day. I mean, Christmas hasn't even finished and already the shops have got eggs, milk and flour on the shelves!

 

[foxfanazer]

46 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Hang in there buddy, County are doing ok!

 

I hate Christmas. Not because anything bad has happened to me at this time of year, but for how I see it affecting others.

 

Given how few people view it as a religious occasion these days, it's amazing that anyone does it. It puts so much strain into one day of the year.

 

Why bottleneck generosity and pleasantry to one day (and maybe a few either side) of the year? Why not just buy a gift for someone whenever, because you want to and not because the date requires it? A time for good will towards all? No - every day should be a time for good will towards all!

 

I can't even think it's a good fiscal model. Yes, a lot of money is made from Christmas, but relying on maybe 90% of your turnover coming in 2-3:months of the year surely can't be good?

 

Of course, in regard to depression, it's the expectation that somehow this day should be better than the other 364/5 days of the year... and it's not. It's just another day, unless you're an actual practicing Catholic or Protestant.

 

Noddy Holder said he wished it could be Christmas everyday. Ok, so when the turkey runs out and the brandy cream, you'll walk to the corner shop (cos the supermarket is closed and there's been no delivery of fuel to the petrol station) and realise that you haven't bought anyone a present today, but all there is on the shelves are some dry crackers, a bag of red onions and a bottle of Ribena. You're also out of toilet paper.

 

 have I made people more depressed? Sorry.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

 

Be nice EVERY day.

 

Give gifts WHENEVER because you WANT to.

 

Have friends and family around ANYTIME!

 

Of course, it's not as bad as pancake day. I mean, Christmas hasn't even finished and already the shops have got eggs, milk and flour on the shelves!

 

I agree with the sentiment but **** me you've depressed the life out of me hahaha

[Libertine]

3 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

 

 

Noddy Holder said he wished it could be Christmas everyday. Ok, so when the turkey runs out and the brandy cream, you'll walk to the corner shop (cos the supermarket is closed and there's been no delivery of fuel to the petrol station) and realise that you haven't bought anyone a present today, but all there is on the shelves are some dry crackers, a bag of red onions and a bottle of Ribena. You're also out of toilet paper.

 

 have I made people more depressed? Sorry.

 

 

Yes but only because it's Roy Wood not Noddy Holder. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 minute ago, Libertine said:

Yes but only because it's Roy Wood not Noddy Holder. 

You're absolutely right! You spotted the deliberate mistake!

 

I was debating to myself as I typed that I might have got it wrong... honest.

 

Regardless, the lyrics weren't thought through. If it was Christmas every day, it wouldn't be long be we all turned on each other and there was looting and rioting in the streets.

 

That song was the inspiration for Mad Max 

[HighPeakFox]

19 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Been an unusually long time since anyone posted in this thread which is either a good thing because everyone's doing alright or a bad thing as people are suffering in silence.

 

Just wanted to say (and I'm sure I speak for others) that my inbox will be open for anyone struggling at this time of year. It can feel sometimes like nobody cares but we're a family on here, albeit a dysfunctional one. Not guaranteed that anyone can fix your problems but there will certainly be people here to listen and chat to

 

Things may seem bleak and yes you do support a shit football club but don't bottle it up

 

This post cannot be repped enough - well done for being so thoughtful my friend.

[foxfanazer]

12 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

This post cannot be repped enough - well done for being so thoughtful my friend.

Plenty on here have helped me so I know the impact it can have 

[Lionator]

Split with my missus of 5 years, my decision, my mental health had declined dramatically over summer and while I’m feeling a bit better, I need space away and to start again to be honest. Feel very guilty and silly. 

[filthyfox]

16 hours ago, Lionator said:

Split with my missus of 5 years, my decision, my mental health had declined dramatically over summer and while I’m feeling a bit better, I need space away and to start again to be honest. Feel very guilty and silly. 

Maybe talk to her about it?

Everyobe needs a little time on their own.

[filthyfox]

Ps...   its hard work staying on the straight and narrow.

 

But its been over a year now!

[fleshdaddy]

A bit of a bump as I know that this season isn’t festive for everyone. It can be an incredibly challenging time for so many, so if you're struggling, hang on in there! 💪🏻

It's been a shit year to be honest. I went through redundancy in June, but I'd been signed off from work since March with depression and anxiety anyway. Now it looks like I'll be getting the bullet on Wednesday from the job I only started in September. It's not unexpected, as I just haven't been able to settle, and I don't really enjoy the job or the culture, so in some ways not carrying the burden into next year will be a relief. Still, I feel angry and frustrated at myself because on paper, it's a good job which pays well, so it feels like it's an opportunity missed. My mental health has certainly contributed negatively to things, and it feels like I've essentially sabotaged myself - though I can accept it isn't all my fault, as to why things haven't worked out in this new job.

 

Anyway, it looks like I'll be going into the new year jobless and without much direction or motivation. Maybe it's a sign I need to do something else, but I'm really not sure what! I've so far dodged going back on any meds and I'm having weekly therapy sessions to help to try and get a handle on things. Let's see how things go.

[Trav Le Bleu]

17 minutes ago, fleshdaddy said:

A bit of a bump as I know that this season isn’t festive for everyone. It can be an incredibly challenging time for so many, so if you're struggling, hang on in there! 💪🏻

It's been a shit year to be honest. I went through redundancy in June, but I'd been signed off from work since March with depression and anxiety anyway. Now it looks like I'll be getting the bullet on Wednesday from the job I only started in September. It's not unexpected, as I just haven't been able to settle, and I don't really enjoy the job or the culture, so in some ways not carrying the burden into next year will be a relief. Still, I feel angry and frustrated at myself because on paper, it's a good job which pays well, so it feels like it's an opportunity missed. My mental health has certainly contributed negatively to things, and it feels like I've essentially sabotaged myself - though I can accept it isn't all my fault, as to why things haven't worked out in this new job.

 

Anyway, it looks like I'll be going into the new year jobless and without much direction or motivation. Maybe it's a sign I need to do something else, but I'm really not sure what! I've so far dodged going back on any meds and I'm having weekly therapy sessions to help to try and get a handle on things. Let's see how things go.

Thanks for sharing. Hang in there, something will turn up. What would you like to do?