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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

A student doctor asked his consultant "Why dont we perform smear tests on women over 75?"

The consultant replied, "Have you ever tried to open a cheese toastie!"

I texted this to my mate and he forwarded on to his dad (he knows his dad likes a sick joke) who rang him and chewed the balls off him - that's going to be your mum in ten years, how can you say stuff like this etc lol

DJ Barry Hammond

DJ Barry Hammond

Posted
Posted (edited)

The Americans have just announced that they have raised £35million for the Pakistan Flood victims.

I wonder how Pakistans 9/11 funds are coming along!

That just happens to be the price they got for England to win the second one day game - so they stuck the £35 Million on that :thumbup:

Edited by DJ Barry Hammond
  • Like 1
Wycombe Fox

Wycombe Fox

Posted
Posted

Bloke walks into a brothel and says "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"

The Madam replies £37.50.

He replies "WOW, what do i get for that?"

She says "A ****ing Derby shirt!"

Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted

A man walks into a Library and says, "Oi bitch. I want a fooking book to learn some cnuting Spanish. Where the fook are they?"

Librarian says, "There's no need for that language, sir!"

He says, "You're probably right. They all speak fookin English anyway."

Guest Bilo

Guest Bilo

Posted
Posted

I just sold some stuff to the Pope on Ebay.

I knew it was him when he used his papal account.

skinnydipper

skinnydipper

Posted
Posted

George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before making them a hot chocolate nightcap. He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa'!

Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted

George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before making them a hot chocolate nightcap. He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa'!

:giggle:

  • 2 weeks later...
Narborough_fox

Narborough_fox

Posted
Posted

1] I started my new part time job working in the local snooker cue factory last night.

The pays nothing special, but we make some great tips.

2] The Commonwealth Games are going from bad to worse, reptiles in rooms,unfinished building work, I think the first event will be Snakes and Ladders

3] I'm working on a joke about milk going off.

It's a bit cheesy though

4] I've opened a convenience store just for midgets, but i've put everything on the top shelves.

Keeps them on their toes.

rico

rico

Posted
Posted

man comes home and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death.

his mrs says "fooking carry on like that and you won't have any mates left!"

Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted

Apparently the organiser of the Commonwealth Games in Delhi is so depressed at what's happened, he's tried to hang himself.

But the ceiling collapsed.

  • 2 weeks later...

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