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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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CupidStunt

CupidStunt

Posted
Posted (edited)

A fat woman walks into the doctors and asks the quack "what the most less strenuous way of losing weight?"

he replies "move your head from side to side"

she replies "and how often should i do that doctor"

he replies "every-time you get offered food you fat ca-nunt"

Edited by CupidStunt
  • Like 1
C-man

C-man

Posted
Posted

The other night I was approached and cornered by 4 big blokes. Against all odds I managed to knock one out.

Probably wasn't the best time to have a wank but I thought it'd be my last.

  • Like 1
Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted

What has eight arms, no spine and makes wild predictions about football matches without having a clue?

The Match of the Day panel.

rico

rico

Posted
Posted

before you send me any sick jokes about that murderer in the north east don't even bother.

i'm not raoulmoatley interested !

Wymsey

Wymsey

Posted
Posted

Mr.Dangerous Tiger, if there was a vote on who's the biggest joke on here than I AM!!!!! Many people questioned my comments since i last joined. I AM THE ONLY TW@T ON HERE AND I AM PROUD OF BEING ONE :scarf: !!!!

Zingari

Zingari

Posted
Posted

i was a twat before most of you lot were born , i come from a long line of of twats , you can't buy pedigree like that

fookin upstarts

FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

I think that I am the biggest joke on this site! I expect the majority of you will agree. I am honest with it though. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I think acooling08 beats you by some distance but that may be the folly of youth.

Hope that makes you feel better. :kissing:

jonthefox

jonthefox

Posted
Posted

I can't believe we have an argument as to which of us is the biggest twat on the site! Perhaps we should have a poll, and award the winner with a badge. :giggle: :giggle:

now thats a competition im bound to win. :crylaugh:

Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted

Tottenham Hotspur have banned the vuvuzela in favour of the jewjewzela. It's the same as the vuvuzela but with the tip cut off.

  • Like 1
Jimmy

Jimmy

Posted
Posted

An Englishman, an Irishman and an American stood on top of the empire state building after each drinking 15 pints. The American said " after 15 pints you can jump off here, fly around, come back then land safely". "Prove it" said the Irishman.So the American jumped off the building, flew around, then came back safely. "wow! " said Paddy, " I want a turn", so he jumped off the building and plunged to his death. Back at the top the Englishman turned to the American and said " Bugger me superman... you're a right bastard when you're pissed! "

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Bugg

Bugg

Posted
Posted

An Englishman, an Irishman and an American stood on top of the empire state building after each drinking 15 pints. The American said " after 15 pints you can jump off here, fly around, come back then land safely". "Prove it" said the Irishman.So the American jumped off the building, flew around, then came back safely. "wow! " said Paddy, " I want a turn", so he jumped off the building and plunged to his death. Back at the top the Englishman turned to the American and said " Bugger me superman... you're a right bastard when you're pissed! "

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

:crylaugh:

FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

I was caught wanking whilst sniffing my best mates' sister's knickers. He was furious, but to be fair she was still wearing them..........he was that annoyed he ignored me for the rest of her funeral.

:ph34r:

Narborough_fox

Narborough_fox

Posted
Posted (edited)

Teacher:"James, why is your cat at school today?"

James crying "I heard the postman tell mummy when the kids go to school I'm going to eat your pussy"

Edited by Narborough_fox
jonthefox

jonthefox

Posted
Posted

I was caught wanking whilst sniffing my best mates' sister's knickers. He was furious, but to be fair she was still wearing them..........he was that annoyed he ignored me for the rest of her funeral.

:ph34r:

Thats wrong on a number of levels..

kin funny though.

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