The joke thread

[Narborough_fox]

There's no need to shout!

I copied it off somewhere and I really couldn't be bothered to change it. Might do later.

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

APPARENTLY NICOLAS ANELKA IS TO BE SENT HOME FROM THE WORLD CUP AFTER A FOUL MOUTHED RANT AT RAYMOND DOMONECH AT HALF TIME DURING THE MEXICO GAME....SO HE WILL BE ON THE PLANE WITH THE REST OF THE FRENCH SQUAD THEN!

That is shit.

[Jimothy]

I for one am shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after last night's game

Who knew he could string a sentence together!

[rico]

all england games will be moved to the gay channel next week as the sight ogf 11 arseholes being hammered repeatedly for 90 minutes will be too explicit for the bbc !

[samjohnson]

Freddie Mercury gets called to God...

"I always liked you and your music, i want to give you a second life. What do you want to do?" asks God.

"England's Goalkeeper," Freddie replys. "Ill have 10 arseholes infront of me, 50 million pricks behind me and I won't catch a thing"

[rico]

i woke up bald this morning!

obviously the wife misunderstood me when i said she should shave her twat !

[jonthefox]

i woke up bald this morning!

obviously the wife misunderstood me when i said she should shave her twat !

like it.

[Basingstoke Fox]

What's (buffering 21%) the (buffering 45%) best way (buffering 69%) to lose (buffering 86%) a (buffering 100%) hard-on?

[davieG]

Apparantly the angry supporter who got into the changing room was punched by three England players.

lt was a clear case of the shit hitting the fan.

[Wycombe Fox]

Capello walks into the shower at the England training camp & finds a big turd on the floor.

He angrily shouts "who's shit on the floor?"

Heskey says...

..."me boss but I'm good in the air"

[The Doctor]

what do you get if you divide the circumference of a pig by it's diameter?

Pork Pi

[Part Of The Crowd]

What do you call an attractive epileptic?

Fit.

[rico]

A woman goes to the doctors and opens her legs.A voice comes out saying "come on England!"

The doctor says "don't worry,every twats saying that!

[Mee]

A woman goes to the doctors and opens her legs.A voice comes out saying "come on England!"

The doctor says "don't worry,every twats saying that!

[Narborough_fox]

Went to B&Q with the wife today, now we are at the police station. I told my wife to find a Black & Decker.

Edited 25 June 2010 by Narborough_fox

[whitlock]

Went to B&Q with the wife today, now we are at the play station. I told my wife to find a Black & Decker.

play-police?

[Narborough_fox]

play-police?

I think I'm losing my head.

[Guest Bilo]

To all those women who watch the football and shout "pass it to Frank" or "bring Joe Cole on"; fuck off. You didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "fuck her up the arse".

[rico]

told the mrs not to turn her head away while giving me a blowjob...does she listen?.....No!

It just goes in one ear and out the other!

[rico]

Severe weather warning,theres a shower of shit coming over from South Africa!

[FoxyPV]

england are to change their shirt for the next game..the three lions will be replaced with 3 tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had

[Smudge]

Guy comes out of prison after serving twenty years inside.

When he gets home he looks in the wardrobe and finds all his old clothes. He thinks "I wonder if they still fit after all these years?".

He puts on one of his jackets and sure enough it fits very well.

He's looking at himself in the mirror and absentmindedly puts his hand into one of the pockets and fishes out a piece of paper. It turns out to the a claim ticket for a local shoe repairers.

He remembered the shop, which was close by, and out of curiosity decided to see if it was still there. Sure enough there it was, so he went inside.

The owner greeted him and the man gave the ticket to the repairer and said "I don't suppose you still have these shoes after all this time?"

"Well lets see" said the repairer.

He moved an old ladder and climbed up to a shelf very close to the ceiling,

Almost immediately he found the shoes, blew the dust off the label and shouted down to the man, "Black brogues size 9 that need healing?"

"Yeah they're the ones" replied the man in amazement."

"They'll be ready next Thursday!" said the repairer.

Edited 28 June 2010 by Smudge

[Magictv]

Why did the chicken cross the road? According to FIFA it didn't.

[cambridgefox]

A man walks into the doctors.His arse bleeding and ripped to shreds.The doctor takes one look and says "how the hell did that happen" The man replies"i was raped by an elephant" The doctor says"im not calling you a liar,but elephants cocks are long and thin,and would not cause that damage" The man snaps"the bastard fingered me first though"

[hairy]