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Knighton Matt

Funniest lyric

By Knighton Matt, in The Music Forum

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Ultra

Ultra

Posted
Posted

London Underground can't remeber who it's by

Take your Oyster Card

And Shove It Up Your A**e hole

LONDON UNDERGROUND

ADAM KAY & SUMAN BISWAS

Some people might like to get a train to work

Or drive in - in a beamer or a merc

Some guys like to travel in by bus

But I can't be bothered with the fuss

Today I gotta take my bike

coz' once again the tube's on strike

The greedy b**s' want extra pay

For sitting on their a**e all day

Even though they earn 30k

So I'm standing here in the pouring rain

WHERE THE F**'S MY F**ING TRAIN?!

London underground (London underground)

They’re all lazy, f**ing useless c***s

London underground (London underground)

They’re all greedy c***s, I wanna' shoot them all,

with a rifle...

All they say is "please mind the doors"

And they learn that on the 2-day course

This job could be done by a 4 year old

They just leave us freezing in the cold,

What you smell is what you get,

Burger King and p**s and sweat,

You roast to death in the boiling heat,

With tourists treading on your feet,

And chewing gum on every seat,

So don’t tell me to "mind the gap";

I WANT MY F**ING MONEY BACK!!

London underground (London underground)

They’re all lazy, f**ing useless c***s

London underground (London underground)

They’re all greedy c****s, I wanna shoot them all,

With a rifle.....

lalalala,

lalalala

The floors are sticky and the seats are damp,

Every platform has a f**ing tramp

But the drivers get the day off when

WE'RE ALL LATE FOR WORK AGAIN!

London underground (London underground)

w-w-w***s, they're all w***s

London underground (London underground.....)

.....Take your oyster card and shove it up you’re a*****e!!

Quality stuff. Wordsworth and Shelley must be turning in their graves!

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Head Honcho

Head Honcho

Posted
Posted

Just a snippet from one of my favourite ever set of lyrics

Ugly by The Stranglers

I guess I shouldn't have strangled her to death



But I had to go to work and she had laced my coffee with acid

Normally I wouldn't have minded

But I'm allergic to sulphuric acid

Besides she had acne

And if you've got acne well I apologise for disliking it instensely.

But it's understandable that ugly people have got complexes

I mean it seems to me that ugly people don't have a chance

It's only the children or the fooking wealthy who tend to be good looking

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Trumpet

Trumpet

Posted
Posted

LazyBoy - Underwear goes inside the pants

LAZYBOY LYRICS

Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?

It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.

Do you know what's not natural?

80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.

But we got pills for that.

We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,

but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.

Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.

I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.

Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"

Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.

Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:

people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.

I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?

That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.

Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.

If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?

What's going to happen to our porno industry?

These women don't just grown on trees.

It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.

And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.

You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.

Terrorists masterminds.

Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?

They're not masterminds.

"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"

"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"

"Who's the fooking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.

Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?

Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.

An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.

The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.

"How'd you get through it grandpa?"

"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.

I'll sit at a drive thru.

I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.

Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.

You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother ****er. There's room in the back. Take it!

Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.

Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

Of course not.

You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,

"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,

but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.

There are homeless people everywhere.

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.

I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.

And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.

Why am I judging this poor bastard.

People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.

Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?

Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.

I walked behind this guy the other day.

A homeless guy asked him for money.

He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.

People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.

This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.

Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.

I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.

I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.

Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

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Deathside

Deathside

Posted
Posted

Many millions of years ago I played in a particularly Non-PC band called Bleeding Rectum

I always found the lyrics of one song particularly amusing

Your body's such a lovely shape

It make's me want to masterbate

My cóck is aching can't you see?

Bend down and gobble me

(The song was called Príck Teaser) :ph34r:

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stez

stez

Posted
Posted

Many millions of years ago I played in a particularly Non-PC band called Bleeding Rectum

I always found the lyrics of one song particularly amusing

Your body's such a lovely shape

It make's me want to masterbate

My cóck is aching can't you see?

Bend down and gobble me

(The song was called Príck Teaser) :ph34r:

that is beautiful!

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