Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 why not just print the david hasselhoff thing and be done with it 27 True Facts about David Hasselhoff 1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live. 3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny. 4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had s3x with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. 5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself. 7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back. 8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity. 9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down. 10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead. 11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero. 12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him. 13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t. 14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill. 15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding. 16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children. 18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. 19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. 20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response. 21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 22. When David Hasselhoff does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him. 24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence. 26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares. 27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face. « Previous Sponsored Links I got the Chuck Norris one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe. Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 I got the Chuck Norris one. I got the Ricky Sappleton one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 I got the Ricky Sappleton one. Ricky Sappleton can delete the recycle bin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton can buy a round for all his 950 mates, carry all the drinks to the table without dropping a drip, and still gets change from a fiver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potter3 Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton accidently invented the sport of jousting when he went horseback riding in the middle ages with an erection. Peter Piper may have picked a peck of pickled peppers but Ricky Sappleton planted the seeds and bit Peter in half for picking his fucking peppers. A drop of Ricky Sappleton adrenaline can propel a car two miles. I'm not talking about utilizing it as a fuel source; I'm talking about the man picking up and throwing my fucking car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simi Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Soon to be renamed. SAPPLETISER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wezleylowski Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 I got the Chuck Norris one. You deviant, I made mine up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WetFlannel Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton CAN judge a book by it's cover. Is your purpose in life to redirect me from the topic waits for sappleton quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxesFan100 Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Hi this is my first post, so i thought what better way to start me off than to try and make a bit of a laugh Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Ricky Sappleton's PC will crash. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ricky Sappleton can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. Ricky Sappleton died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Ricky Sappleton 3. Cancer The Chief export of Ricky Sappleton Is PAIN. There is no chin under Ricky Sappletons beard there is only another fist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simi Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Hi this is my first post, so i thought what better way to start me off than to try and make a bit of a laughBill Gates lives in constant fear that Ricky Sappleton's PC will crash. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ricky Sappleton can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. Ricky Sappleton died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him You'll fit in well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Hi this is my first post, so i thought what better way to start me off than to try and make a bit of a laughBill Gates lives in constant fear that Ricky Sappleton's PC will crash. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ricky Sappleton can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. Ricky Sappleton died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him Nice one. You'll be right at home here That's more funny than anything i've ever said put together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton once kicked a football so hard that his foot broke the speed of light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simi Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 That's more funny than anything i've ever said put together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Once a cobra bit Ricky Sappleton's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potter3 Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton destroyed the periodic table, saying Ricky Sappleton only recognizes the element of surprise. Ricky Sappleton sleeps with a night light. Not because Ricky Sappleton is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ricky Sappleton. Ricky Sappleton likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "eat", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 50 cent originally called himself the Sapple-Unit so Ricky Sappleton found the punk on the street and threw nine bullets into him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Ricky Sappleton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxesFan100 Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 hahahaha, i wish i was more funny than you, thank you for the welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 If you ask Ricky Sappleton what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Ricky Sappleton drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. When Ricky Sappleton sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ricky Sappleton has not had to pay taxes, ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asha Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton keeps his eyes open while sneezing Also, every morning, he's in training and at the pub at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ricky Sappleton's fist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potter3 Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 Ricky Sappleton once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned. Ricky Sappleton killed the radio star. Ricky Sappleton can win a game of Chess in one move. Ricky Sappleton coined the phrase, “I see dead people,†after the guys at LCFC forgot his birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 In his maths GCSEs, Ricky Sappleton wrote "violence" in the space provided for all answers. This is because Ricky Sappleton solves all his problems with violence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Smuts Posted 6 December 2007 Share Posted 6 December 2007 The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of football Ricky Sappleton played in primary school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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