Cancer

[ozleicester]

sorry to hear about it....have a 13 year old nephew has just cleared his 2nd lot of post cancer tests. the poor kid had a year of chemo etc...had a part of the body removed and suffered through hell. BUT..he is good now..played his first game of football this week...and is on his way to typical teenage health.

dont worry about knowing to much about it...just let her know you care about her..thats all that really matters.

[The People's Hero]

Hope you're keeping it together, pal... it's important not to be 'too' focussed on other things and other people and lose perspective wrt your own needs.

My best advice is try to be yourself - be the same person she fell in love with. Give her an escape from it and don't always be wanting to talk about it. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

All the best.

[SamL]

I lost my dad to cancer. Horrible, horrible thing.

I hope all turns out well, wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Sorry to hear about your dad Ched.

NSLL, I hope your girl stays ok. Just try and keep it together for her sake and stick by her no matter what.

[Asha]

The problem now seems to be she's going a bit too far in terms of the 'enjoying her life while she can' mentality.

She keeps maintaining that she might as well just have fun and now because she has no idea how long she's got.

She's previously shown signs, but now it's more obvious, that this means losing complete interest in me. She'd apparently rather go out and find any random boys because it's more fun.

There's absolutely no way I can accuse her of cheating, or ask her about whether we're still ok...because she has cancer I'm not going to cause an argument or anything.

It's hard enough trying to stay positive and talk her up everyday when she's slowly beginning to ignore me. I'm having to deal with the fact that some day, probably soon, she's going to dump me. It's even harder, but I know I am going to have to take it and not lose it with her, after all, she does have bigger problems.

If she'd let me, i'd always be there for her. I just guess the offer of a long-term, loving, safe relationship doesn't fit into this 'enjoying while she can' mentality.

Chances are, she could still live a long, happy life. She just can't see that right now.

T'other day she requested to go on webcam, and was sitting on another boys lap, kissing, touching up etc...and lost it with me when i cancelled the webcam. That's the situation im stuck in. I'd be the public twat if I dumped her, I'd be the public twat if i wasn't totally there for her, I'd be the public twat if I murmured even a slight complaint of her behaviour.

My mate pointed out, if she dumps you it's no longer your problem. Although, I'd know i'd live my life wondering whether my first love was still around, and whether she would have needed me.

It's times like these where long emails showing love etc would be useful...but it isn't, me being so in love that i did that everyday. It has no effect now. It's like putting a song on your mp3, after listening to it a thousand times you replace it with something else.

I have no idea what she's going through, it just hurts me even more now that she may not want me to be there for her.

Plus, i have no qualities. I'm not good looking, i'm not fit, i'm not tall and i'm piss weak. We're changing into a world where looks and abs are everything, and the whole caring thing means next to nothing anymore. I know this because I met my girl on the internet, and met up 5 months later...so she could see the good signs before she could see the outer shell. Hence no-one in the local area ever looking twice at me.

I may sound really depressed atm, but honestly, honestly i'm in a place right now which I never want to be again. I guess I'm somewhere between self-hatred and self-loathing.

Life's a bitch, and although i'm a christian, the words 'live for him' are slowly fading off my wristband.

[SamL]

The problem now seems to be she's going a bit too far in terms of the 'enjoying her life while she can' mentality.

She keeps maintaining that she might as well just have fun and now because she has no idea how long she's got.

She's previously shown signs, but now it's more obvious, that this means losing complete interest in me. She'd apparently rather go out and find any random boys because it's more fun.

There's absolutely no way I can accuse her of cheating, or ask her about whether we're still ok...because she has cancer I'm not going to cause an argument or anything.

It's hard enough trying to stay positive and talk her up everyday when she's slowly beginning to ignore me. I'm having to deal with the fact that some day, probably soon, she's going to dump me. It's even harder, but I know I am going to have to take it and not lose it with her, after all, she does have bigger problems.

If she'd let me, i'd always be there for her. I just guess the offer of a long-term, loving, safe relationship doesn't fit into this 'enjoying while she can' mentality.

Chances are, she could still live a long, happy life. She just can't see that right now.

T'other day she requested to go on webcam, and was sitting on another boys lap, kissing, touching up etc...and lost it with me when i cancelled the webcam. That's the situation im stuck in. I'd be the public twat if I dumped her, I'd be the public twat if i wasn't totally there for her, I'd be the public twat if I murmured even a slight complaint of her behaviour.

My mate pointed out, if she dumps you it's no longer your problem. Although, I'd know i'd live my life wondering whether my first love was still around, and whether she would have needed me.

It's times like these where long emails showing love etc would be useful...but it isn't, me being so in love that i did that everyday. It has no effect now. It's like putting a song on your mp3, after listening to it a thousand times you replace it with something else.

I have no idea what she's going through, it just hurts me even more now that she may not want me to be there for her.

Plus, i have no qualities. I'm not good looking, i'm not fit, i'm not tall and i'm piss weak. We're changing into a world where looks and abs are everything, and the whole caring thing means next to nothing anymore. I know this because I met my girl on the internet, and met up 5 months later...so she could see the good signs before she could see the outer shell. Hence no-one in the local area ever looking twice at me.

I may sound really depressed atm, but honestly, honestly i'm in a place right now which I never want to be again. I guess I'm somewhere between self-hatred and self-loathing.

Life's a bitch, and although i'm a christian, the words 'live for him' are slowly fading off my wristband.

Mate, try to look on the bright side. Stop putting yourself down and think about the qualities you do have instead of what you're not. You're obviously caring so theres one and I've never even met you. It might seem hard but try to be more confident about yourself.

Maybe you should try and talk to your girlfriend about it.

[Jack]

The problem now seems to be she's going a bit too far in terms of the 'enjoying her life while she can' mentality.

She keeps maintaining that she might as well just have fun and now because she has no idea how long she's got.

She's previously shown signs, but now it's more obvious, that this means losing complete interest in me. She'd apparently rather go out and find any random boys because it's more fun.

There's absolutely no way I can accuse her of cheating, or ask her about whether we're still ok...because she has cancer I'm not going to cause an argument or anything.

It's hard enough trying to stay positive and talk her up everyday when she's slowly beginning to ignore me. I'm having to deal with the fact that some day, probably soon, she's going to dump me. It's even harder, but I know I am going to have to take it and not lose it with her, after all, she does have bigger problems.

If she'd let me, i'd always be there for her. I just guess the offer of a long-term, loving, safe relationship doesn't fit into this 'enjoying while she can' mentality.

Chances are, she could still live a long, happy life. She just can't see that right now.

T'other day she requested to go on webcam, and was sitting on another boys lap, kissing, touching up etc...and lost it with me when i cancelled the webcam. That's the situation im stuck in. I'd be the public twat if I dumped her, I'd be the public twat if i wasn't totally there for her, I'd be the public twat if I murmured even a slight complaint of her behaviour.

My mate pointed out, if she dumps you it's no longer your problem. Although, I'd know i'd live my life wondering whether my first love was still around, and whether she would have needed me.

It's times like these where long emails showing love etc would be useful...but it isn't, me being so in love that i did that everyday. It has no effect now. It's like putting a song on your mp3, after listening to it a thousand times you replace it with something else.

I have no idea what she's going through, it just hurts me even more now that she may not want me to be there for her.

Plus, i have no qualities. I'm not good looking, i'm not fit, i'm not tall and i'm piss weak. We're changing into a world where looks and abs are everything, and the whole caring thing means next to nothing anymore. I know this because I met my girl on the internet, and met up 5 months later...so she could see the good signs before she could see the outer shell. Hence no-one in the local area ever looking twice at me.

I may sound really depressed atm, but honestly, honestly i'm in a place right now which I never want to be again. I guess I'm somewhere between self-hatred and self-loathing.

Life's a bitch, and although i'm a christian, the words 'live for him' are slowly fading off my wristband.

It must be hard for you Mate, at the end of the day all you wanna do is care for her and be there for her.

No one really knows how you are feeling atm unless they have been in this position, and I suppose there is not much any of us can say or do to cheer you up really.

Chin up Mate

[cisono]

Plus, i have no qualities. I'm not good looking, i'm not fit, i'm not tall and i'm piss weak. We're changing into a world where looks and abs are everything, and the whole caring thing means next to nothing anymore. I know this because I met my girl on the internet, and met up 5 months later...so she could see the good signs before she could see the outer shell. Hence no-one in the local area ever looking twice at me.

I may sound really depressed atm, but honestly, honestly i'm in a place right now which I never want to be again. I guess I'm somewhere between self-hatred and self-loathing.

Life's a bitch, and although i'm a christian, the words 'live for him' are slowly fading off my wristband.

Please realise that you are under stress almost as much as she is.

As has been said, you are obviously a very caring person, so you have at least one quality we know about.

While it seems true that looks are all that matters these days, looks without substance are not enough. I would not settle for looks. Looks may get you noticed at first, but other qualities are more important after that first moment.

I have just been talking to this guy who keeps looking at his own reflection at every opportunity, (obviously thinks) he is very good-looking and has obviously been telling outright lies/not been straight with at least one person today (probably me). That is not appealing at all. Does he not realise how offputting that is? (I was about to say, I'd rather he was less good-looking but told the truth, only he's not good-looking )

Back to your situation. Do not be too hard on yourself. I do believe you are under considerable stress yourself and that is why you feel so low. I admire your loyalty and support towards your girlfriend but please do not put yourself down. It sounds to me as if you are doing better than I would be able to.

Keep the faith.

*pat on the back*

[David O'Leary]

My girlfriend, aged 14, may have cancer.

This world is a fooking joke.

I lost my dad to cancer. Horrible, horrible thing.

I hope all turns out well, wouldn't wish it on anyone.

hope not mate. lost my mum when i was 8

Jesus Christ, really put's life into persective doesn't it, Good luck and best wishes to all of you

[Asha]

While I've been on this forum, i've come to like you, as we talk about refereeing and stuff, but that post really is stupid

Tbh, I got what he meant. He just came out with it wrong, I guess.

I think he was saying that it's clear she has got through it twice, and therefore that chances are she'll keep coming through it.

[David O'Leary]

Tbh, I got what he meant. He just came out with it wrong, I guess.

I think he was saying that it's clear she has got through it twice, and therefore that chances are she'll keep coming through it

Ahh, I see..I will retract my comment

She's been through it twice already, by the age of 14? Good luck man, and stay strong no matter what. Although you say you have no qualities, it sounds like you couldn't care more for her, and that's all that matters right now. I don't want to use all the crap slogan's our club uses nowadays but...

Keep the Faith.

[Asha]

This is all over.

Again, countless orders for me to watch my girlfriend and another boy on webcam. Made a mistake, and objected, saying that she didn't realise she were hurting me.

She now wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure everyone's been dumped before, but this just hurts so bad considering we were getting through so much.

The worse thing now though is the hundreds of people I know who will feign sympathy but secretly piss themselves laughing.

[Wycombe Fox]

The worse thing now though is the hundreds of people I know who will feign sympathy but secretly piss themselves laughing.

I don't think anyone on here will do that and I wouldn't bother about people you know who might do that because they're not really worth the time.

You've done yourself proud by being supportive. Now maybe start to look after yourself and try to surround yourself with some support - you've had a pretty stressful time.

Maybe go and watch City play tomorrow for a bit of enjoyment...oh wait, maybe not!

Keep your chin up and all the best.

[Asha]

I don't think anyone on here will do that and I wouldn't bother about people you know who might do that because they're not really worth the time.

You've done yourself proud by being supportive. Now maybe start to look after yourself and try to surround yourself with some support - you've had a pretty stressful time.

Maybe go and watch City play tomorrow for a bit of enjoyment...oh wait, maybe not!

Keep your chin up and all the best.

I don't mean FTers, you've all been nothing but supportive.

I'm talking bout my family and friends, all of whom never really cared.

Maybe some day she'll see sense, in which case would take her back in a second.

[Bert]

Chin up lad. Don't let it get to you too much, You can't trust anyone these days, whilst you seemed to being pretty much a good boyfriend, she was there on webcam, kissing other boys? There is only so much you can do and put up with, because at the end of the day, there's two of you in a relationship and I may be being blunt here, but she didn't really consider your feelings.

[sdb]

mate, losing your 1st love is the worst feeling in the world but you'll get over it. my ex could be a right twat but i just couldn't let go. finally it finished and i felt like crap but nearly 2 years on i feel so much better for it. she wasn't treating u very well and u seem like a sound guy so take some time out and then go find someone who deserves u!

[Thracian]

The problem now seems to be she's going a bit too far in terms of the 'enjoying her life while she can' mentality.

She keeps maintaining that she might as well just have fun and now because she has no idea how long she's got.

She's previously shown signs, but now it's more obvious, that this means losing complete interest in me. She'd apparently rather go out and find any random boys because it's more fun.

There's absolutely no way I can accuse her of cheating, or ask her about whether we're still ok...because she has cancer I'm not going to cause an argument or anything.

It's hard enough trying to stay positive and talk her up everyday when she's slowly beginning to ignore me. I'm having to deal with the fact that some day, probably soon, she's going to dump me. It's even harder, but I know I am going to have to take it and not lose it with her, after all, she does have bigger problems.

If she'd let me, i'd always be there for her. I just guess the offer of a long-term, loving, safe relationship doesn't fit into this 'enjoying while she can' mentality.

Chances are, she could still live a long, happy life. She just can't see that right now.

T'other day she requested to go on webcam, and was sitting on another boys lap, kissing, touching up etc...and lost it with me when i cancelled the webcam. That's the situation im stuck in. I'd be the public twat if I dumped her, I'd be the public twat if i wasn't totally there for her, I'd be the public twat if I murmured even a slight complaint of her behaviour.

My mate pointed out, if she dumps you it's no longer your problem. Although, I'd know i'd live my life wondering whether my first love was still around, and whether she would have needed me.

It's times like these where long emails showing love etc would be useful...but it isn't, me being so in love that i did that everyday. It has no effect now. It's like putting a song on your mp3, after listening to it a thousand times you replace it with something else.

I have no idea what she's going through, it just hurts me even more now that she may not want me to be there for her.

Plus, i have no qualities. I'm not good looking, i'm not fit, i'm not tall and i'm piss weak. We're changing into a world where looks and abs are everything, and the whole caring thing means next to nothing anymore. I know this because I met my girl on the internet, and met up 5 months later...so she could see the good signs before she could see the outer shell. Hence no-one in the local area ever looking twice at me.

I may sound really depressed atm, but honestly, honestly i'm in a place right now which I never want to be again. I guess I'm somewhere between self-hatred and self-loathing.

Life's a bitch, and although i'm a christian, the words 'live for him' are slowly fading off my wristband.

Have you ever wondered if your girlfriend might be trying to distance herself from you because she feels like she'll become a burden and that there's no future left in any relationship?

Her emotions will follow the course of a roller coaster and wherever her instinct or frustrations take her the morning will come, the problems will remain and she will still need friendship and support.

Don't smother her but keep contact. Write to her if it's easiest. Keep it light. Make her laugh. It's probably what she needs more than anything right now.

[The Reverend]

This is all over.

Again, countless orders for me to watch my girlfriend and another boy on webcam. Made a mistake, and objected, saying that she didn't realise she were hurting me.

She now wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure everyone's been dumped before, but this just hurts so bad considering we were getting through so much.

The worse thing now though is the hundreds of people I know who will feign sympathy but secretly piss themselves laughing.

To be honest mate, if she wants to do that to you, you're better off without her. How you could do that to someone i dont know. You may feel bad about it, but it is surely for the best. If she does that sort of thing to you, shes obviously not the girl you thought she was.

Good luck mate.

[Jack]

Eh Mate by the sounds of it you sound a top lad and couldn't do anymore for her.

There is only so much you can put up with about the different lads. Im sure she will realise what she is missing by not having you around and being supportive towards her. See if you can sit down with her and just talk things over.

Chin up pal

[Foxhateram]

Have you ever wondered if your girlfriend might be trying to distance herself from you because she feels like she'll become a burden and that there's no future left in any relationship?

Her emotions will follow the course of a roller coaster and wherever her instinct or frustrations take her the morning will come, the problems will remain and she will still need friendship and support.

Don't smother her but keep contact. Write to her if it's easiest. Keep it light. Make her laugh. It's probably what she needs more than anything right now.

im going with thracians view on this one. I lost My friend due to cancer recently, well he didnt die because of the cancer he killed himself after the docters told him he didnt have much longer to live. After he was diagnosed originally he changed comepletely, he turned into a right ****, and made me feel very down about myself with some of the things he was doing and saying. However he needed me, when he felt down he needed me there to prop him back up, he threaten to commit suicide alot during a short period of time, it was getting pretty heavy to handle for me, but i carried on being there for him, and without me (not blowing my own horn) i think he wpuld have given up alot sooner. But as life pushed me and he pushed me there was bound to come a night where i just couldn't handle him being like that with me, and taking everything out on me, so one night i ignored his calls. the next morning i get a TXT from one of his mates blaming it all on me not being there for him, and saying hed commited suicide.

Im not saying shed get like this, but the illness changes people, you have to stick by them. Even if it pushes you to the limits, she really needs you right now. dont push it with her, but still be there if she needs you. She might try and push you away but deep down she knows she going to need all the friends shes got to get through this. Stick by her mate, i know its hard.

I hope my story will help you understand how she might be feeling. i didnt say it because i wanted to turn this onto me or anything. i Just want people to learn from my situation.

[AoWW]

This is all over.

Again, countless orders for me to watch my girlfriend and another boy on webcam. Made a mistake, and objected, saying that she didn't realise she were hurting me.

She now wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure everyone's been dumped before, but this just hurts so bad considering we were getting through so much.

The worse thing now though is the hundreds of people I know who will feign sympathy but secretly piss themselves laughing.

Sorry to hear it's over between you and your girlfriend. Firstly, I don't think you made a "mistake" by objecting; what she was expecting of you was unreasonable and hurtful - I don't imagine anyone would suggest you should have just put up with it. Having said that I can understand that in many ways, given what she is having to deal with, her behaviour may change fairly dramatically. I'm sure if I'd had to deal with having cancer at that age I'd have rebelled against the world and everyone in it in quite spectacular style. I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to take this too personally. I don't imagine she's deliberately trying to hurt you.... she's either thinking very little at all (and who could really blame her for wanting to block out as much rational thought as possible) or, as others have suggested, she's pushing away those closest to her because she can't handle getting too close to anyone.

She's said it's over... I imagine she needs some space and is trying to work through this on her own. Take a step back but, assuming you still want to be there for her and will still see her, perhaps you could keep an eye out for her from a distance. At some point when the time is right let her know you're there for her - as a friend - if she wants some support. I think Thracian suggested writing to her, I agree - it's often a good way. My guessing is that one day the realisation of what she is going through will dawn on her with a resounding thud and when that day comes she'll be in need of a friend she can rely on and trust.

If you do reach the point where you are helping her through this though please, please do not underestimate what an emotional strain it will put on you. You will need support too - don't just try to put on a brave face and go it alone... it's all to easy for people to only think of the person with the illness, not those that are helping them cope too.

Oh, and as for your last point - quite frankly it's got absolutely **** all to do anyone else. If that's their attitude give them a wide berth. They may have their reasons for having that opinion - and they no doubt think they're right to express them - but only you really know the true situation between you and this girl. Don't let others tell you otherwise.

I truly wish both you and this girl all the best.

[LeeCovFox]

This is all over.

Again, countless orders for me to watch my girlfriend and another boy on webcam. Made a mistake, and objected, saying that she didn't realise she were hurting me.

She now wants nothing to do with me. I'm sure everyone's been dumped before, but this just hurts so bad considering we were getting through so much.

The worse thing now though is the hundreds of people I know who will feign sympathy but secretly piss themselves laughing.

Thats not a mistake mate. Regardless of her illness, she still should not be putting you in what is so obviously a hurtful position. As has been said above, losing your first love, any love in fact, is horrible. The feeling is pretty close to being as bad as it gets, but as much as you won't realise this right now, and as much as at the moment she will be the first thing you think of when you wake up, and the last before you fall asleep (and this will, unfortunatey continue to be the case for a little while, we've all been there), it will get better, and the hurt will go away.

The key to moving on is not to put up your defences in an attempt to prevent yourself from getting hurt in the future. It won't work, the human condition dictates that we all get hurt from time to time. Its life. It only succeeds in stopping the good stuff from getting in. You seem a nice, caring, open lad. Carry on in that manner and you will be just fine. Its nice to be nice.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Wow... only just seen this thread as my PC was down for a few week during when this was posted.

Pretty stressful mate, but I honestly think that you come out of this with great honour, but one thing springs to mind - Dagger's first post in this thread.

[

When I was 16 my girlfriend (Loretta) told me she had a brain tumour, was going to die and could not have me around as an added complication.

Seven years later - I bumped into her in Northampton market. She had greasy hair, a pram and various spawn shuffling around her feet.

Are you certain she has cancer or is it a particularly heartless and thoughtless way of dumping you. Her behaviour when she went on webcam with you seems to suggest that she may be particularly thoughtless in the consideration of people's emotions.

You'll find someone else - though it may not seem so now. At least she's not local and you won't have to go through seeing her all the time. One small positive.

And don't do yourself down! Unless you're seriously deformed in some way, women (as opposed to girls - so you might have to wait a bit) put a lot less stock in looks than you think. What matters is being a nice person, which you always come over as and funny too. The other magic ingrediant is confidence. Big it up and go get a new girl NSLL!!!

[the beange]

close mate of mines mum died from cnacer.its horrible kinda makes you think that you have took life for granted.

i hope she gets well soon mate nobody deserves to be ill or feel like shit.