This country etc

[Trav Le Bleu]

I'm looking for something highly paid and sexy.

Will this do?

[James.]

I refer you back to THIS for one of my favourite examples of pure stupidity with a hint of woeful arrogance.

[Guest]

I refer you back to THIS for one of my favourite examples of pure stupidity with a hint of woeful arrogance.

I can just see her packing a bikini for a trip to Lapland at Xmas after consulting the average daytime temperatures...

[Bellend Sebastian]

I refer you back to THIS for one of my favourite examples of pure stupidity with a hint of woeful arrogance.

That's the heartbreaking thing, isn't it? Being thick is one thing but being so deluded and arrogant that you are willing to advertise the advanced level of your idiocy to the world is another thing entirely.

My favourite example of stupidity that I've come across I witnessed first hand. I was on the bus, and an ambulance overtook it, lights on and sirens blaring. Some cannon fodder sat behind me was most put out by this and very haughtily announced that 'they only do that to get there quicker'

[Guest]

My favourite example of stupidity that I've come across I witnessed first hand. I was on the bus, and an ambulance overtook it, lights on and sirens blaring. Some cannon fodder sat behind me was most put out by this and very haughtily announced that 'they only do that to get there quicker'

Brilliant. I really do despair.

[Bellend Sebastian]

In terms of sheer unemployability, it's hard to top a school contemporary of mine who had a saturday job at the butchers from which he was sacked when an elderly customer enquired as to the cost of a cut of meat and he responded by leaning over the counter, pointing at it, pulling a spaz type face and going 'DUHHHHHH there's a price on it'

[The People's Hero]

In terms of sheer unemployability, it's hard to top a school contemporary of mine who had a saturday job at the butchers from which he was sacked when an elderly customer enquired as to the cost of a cut of meat and he responded by leaning over the counter, pointing at it, pulling a spaz type face and going 'DUHHHHHH there's a price on it'

We had a guy once who turned out to be an alcoholic, drug addict with a number of quite severe mental problems. Got a job here under the New Deal and promptly after made off with a load of cheques (stolen) which he forged payable to himself.

The bank didn't honour them but I believe Cash Converters are still looking for him.

He was a complete di ck.

The best part was about 4 months after he'd not only been sacked but been done by the law, his mum wondered in to our office asking where he was and if she'd seen him. She knew nothing about it at all.

[davieG]

I used to be involved in recruiting for engineering apprenticeships where the qualifications required were 5 GCSEs Grade C minimum including Maths, English and a Science subject.

What amazed me was the disparity in skill levels from people with the same qualifications particularly Maths Grade C. They had to do a fairly stringent test judging by some of the comments on here including calculating areas, volumes, percentages relating to engineering type problems etc.

Now some of those interviewed couldn't perform some the simplest questions, they were encouraged to show their working out notes and some were good enough to eventually go on and achieved ONC/HNC and eventually a degree in Engineering and yet they'd all achieved the same basic GCSE Maths qualification

[The People's Hero]

I was asked to tutor someone and it sounded too good to be true. Near my home, subject was business studies (easy as fu ck) and the student apparently very bright.

I got there and was told by the mother that she had a MASTERS in the subject but wanted me to teach her son. Her son only speaks Russian. She obviously spoke both.

So... for 2 hours, I taught this guy, through his mother (qualified to the extreme in it) - I was winging it all along and she was translating it for him.

Why did she pay me £50 for that and not do it herself?

I'm not going back - they made me wear some slippers in their house and kept asking me if I could guarantee exam results. Of course I can't. Your son can't speak the fu cking language you silly bint.

[Corky]

That's the heartbreaking thing, isn't it? Being thick is one thing but being so deluded and arrogant that you are willing to advertise the advanced level of your idiocy to the world is another thing entirely.

My favourite example of stupidity that I've come across I witnessed first hand. I was on the bus, and an ambulance overtook it, lights on and sirens blaring. Some cannon fodder sat behind me was most put out by this and very haughtily announced that 'they only do that to get there quicker'

[Monk]

Hardly.

To be honest, it's only 3 of us at the moment - we dress down every day except for when we know we have visitors coming and it's quite a pleasant atmosphere.

Having said that the atmosphere has deteriorated this morning as we're out of both milk and biscuits, we all want a cuppa, but it's pouring outside.

I won't break.

Sorry, James. Could you clarify what you mean by dress down? Does this entail wearing one of your loud shirts on a daily basis?

[The People's Hero]

Sorry, James. Could you clarify what you mean by dress down? Does this entail wearing one of your loud shirts on a daily basis?

That's a great idea.

Monk - you're a finances type guy, what's the key to me becoming rich overnight?

[Monk]

Being good with Excel.

I'm telling you now. You can use Excel, you got a pencil, you're hired my man.

[Guest]

That's a great idea.

Monk - you're a finances type guy, what's the key to me becoming rich overnight?

Play the national lottery 'Cool Cash' game, apparently all you have to do is be able to tell which temperature is higher out of -6 and -8

[The People's Hero]

Being good with Excel.

I'm telling you now. You can use Excel, you got a pencil, you're hired my man.

I'm pretty good with excel.

I made a basic spreadsheet just for running some ratios and other bits and pieces with some previous years' accounts and my colleagues were amazed.

'But it's doing calculations'

'Yes'

'But how does it know the answer?'

'It's a computer, it can do calculations'

'But how does it know how to do accounts? Can my computer do accounts??'

'It does what's it's told (sometimes)'

'WOW!!!!! What else can it do'

(Now imagined)

'In your case, play minesweeper'

[Monk]

Draw a Pivot table then, that'll really impress them. They may even allow you to wear one of your more outragous shirts as a symbol of respect.

[The People's Hero]

Draw a Pivot table then, that'll really impress them. They may even allow you to wear one of your more outragous shirts as a symbol of respect.

I imagine a crude bar chart might see me elevated to the status of a demi-god.

But seriously, other than crime, where is the money these days?

[Master Fox]

I imagine a crude bar chart might see me elevated to the status of a demi-god.

But seriously, other than crime, where is the money these days?

Prostitution. But does that come under crime?

[Bellend Sebastian]

I imagine a crude bar chart might see me elevated to the status of a demi-god.

But seriously, other than crime, where is the money these days?

If you want a job in Leicester, SIPP and SSAS administration pays well relative to the talent required because it's a specialised area and not that many people actually do it. Before you get too excited, SIPPs and SSASs are types of pension schemes, and for some unknown reason Leicester has a concentration of companies doing this sort of work

[AoWW]

Prostitution. But does that come under crime?

Nah, only if you get caught.

Other than that it's just damn hard work... apparently.

[The People's Hero]

If you want a job in Leicester, SIPP and SSAS administration pays well relative to the talent required because it's a specialised area and not that many people actually do it. Before you get too excited, SIPPs and SSASs are types of pension schemes, and for some unknown reason Leicester has a concentration of companies doing this sort of work

Is this because it's not particularly location sensitive and labour in Leicester is cheap?

[Master Fox]

Nah, only if you get caught.

Other than that it's just damn hard work... apparently.

Damn.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Nah, only if you get caught.

Other than that it's just damn hard work... apparently.

Hmmmmmm

[The People's Hero]

I'm in Maidstone anyway, so jobs in Leicester are no good to me. Although renting up there is fu cking cheap compared to down here.

[Raj]

Blame the bloody immigrants innit???