the actual confidence thread

[Granno]

I started uni last week. And there's this girl on my course, she was the first person who spoke to me at uni, and we hit it off. We sit together at lectures and I just feel really good when I'm in her company.

So whats the problem?

My confidence is so low from previous stuff, and now a simple thing like asking for her number gets me worked up, because of the fear of rejection.

Anyone have any tips on how to improve confidence.

Serious responses and piss takes welcome.

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

I started uni last week. And there's this girl on my course, she was the first person who spoke to me at uni, and we hit it off. We sit together at lectures and I just feel really good when I'm in her company.

So whats the problem?

My confidence is so low from previous stuff, and now a simple thing like asking for her number gets me worked up, because of the fear of rejection.

Anyone have any tips on how to improve confidence.

Serious responses and piss takes welcome.

Hold back for a while and get to know her better before you rush into stuff.

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

Oh lord NSLL is posting.

[Asha]

I need to improve my self confidence as well.

In terms of talking to girls etc, I've found this really interesting recently: Layguide - How to talk to girls.

[lildave3]

Oh lord NSLL is posting.

[Granno]

Hold back for a while and get to know her better before you rush into stuff.

I need to improve my self confidence as well.

In terms of talking to girls etc, I've found this really interesting recently: Layguide - How to talk to girls.

Cheers for the replies guys, and cheers for the link NSLL.

Mind me asking what your problem is with talking to girls is.

Mine is a massive fear of rejection, basically because its happened so often.

[Granno]

Come on LD3, got any tips. I can imagine you inviting a girl over, Sussudio playing in the background.

[Samilktray]

Come on LD3, got any tips. I can imagine you inviting a girl over, Sussudio playing in the background.

I should hope he bloody well doesnt!

[Fox You Forest]

This is an archive of the original free version of Tony's Lay Guide.

That site is comedy gold.

[Asha]

Cheers for the replies guys, and cheers for the link NSLL.

Mind me asking what your problem is with talking to girls is.

Mine is a massive fear of rejection, basically because its happened so often.

Yeah it's the same thing really. Lack of confidence in myself and before I even open my mouth I can sense she's thinking 'what a tuwaaaaat', leading to fear of rejection.

I know this guy who when in town just goes up to anyone starts talking and has their phone number etc within minutes. I know it's all about confidence, it's just working on building it - something I'm trying to do atm.

[lildave3]

Come on LD3, got any tips. I can imagine you inviting a girl over, Sussudio playing in the background.

!

Sadly not, no.

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

Cheers for the replies guys, and cheers for the link NSLL.

Mind me asking what your problem is with talking to girls is.

Mine is a massive fear of rejection, basically because its happened so often.

I've never had to talk to girls. Basically the one girlfriend I've ever had is the one I'm in a relationship now, and we've been together for four years. She asked me out, after years of knowing each other though.

That's why I suggest you wait a little.

[Granno]

Yeah it's the same thing really. Lack of confidence in myself and before I even open my mouth I can sense she's thinking 'what a tuwaaaaat', leading to fear of rejection.

I know this guy who when in town just goes up to anyone starts talking and has their phone number etc within minutes. I know it's all about confidence, it's just working on building it - something I'm trying to do atm.

I'm alright talking to girls, if you know what i mean, its when I have to do something like ask for a number. Something so simple gets me really worked up.

I've never had to talk to girls. Basically the one girlfriend I've ever had is the one I'm in a relationship now, and we've been together for four years. She asked me out, after years of knowing each other though.

That's why I suggest you wait a little.

Wow thats pretty cool. Must be an awesome bond you two have.

[Uncle Monty]

Get pissssssed try something and if it works wahey!!! If it dont, blem it on the booze!

[Granno]

Get pissssssed try something and if it works wahey!!! If it dont, blem it on the booze!

That's awesome.

[Finnegan]

Uhm. I suffer quite a lot with anxiety and insecurity, so I can appreciate entirely where you're coming from. The most important thing though mate is to not try anything creepy, nothing from any dumb talking-to-women guides, no silly lines, no excuses - the smarter you try and be about it the worse off you'll end up being.

The bottom line is that first years at uni, especially early term, are always going to be looking to make friends. There's really no harm in asking for her number, loads of people probably have already without any romantic link so you'll really not likely be shot down unless you're COMPLETELY misreading signals and she thinks you're the world's biggest spasmo.

Once you've got her number just take it from there. Bit of casual txt-flirting's a great way to break the ice if you're extremely shy in person.

[Granno]

Uhm. I suffer quite a lot with anxiety and insecurity, so I can appreciate entirely where you're coming from. The most important thing though mate is to not try anything creepy, nothing from any dumb talking-to-women guides, no silly lines, no excuses - the smarter you try and be about it the worse off you'll end up being.

The bottom line is that first years at uni, especially early term, are always going to be looking to make friends. There's really no harm in asking for her number, loads of people probably have already without any romantic link so you'll really not likely be shot down unless you're COMPLETELY misreading signals and she thinks you're the world's biggest spasmo.

Once you've got her number just take it from there. Bit of casual txt-flirting's a great way to break the ice if you're extremely shy in person.

Cheers mate. It's nice to see other people suffer from anxiety, because so often I feel like it's just me <_<

[James.]

I started uni last week. And there's this girl on my course, she was the first person who spoke to me at uni, and we hit it off. We sit together at lectures and I just feel really good when I'm in her company.

So whats the problem?

My confidence is so low from previous stuff, and now a simple thing like asking for her number gets me worked up, because of the fear of rejection.

Anyone have any tips on how to improve confidence.

Serious responses and piss takes welcome.

In terms of practical advice why don't you say to her that you're going out for some drinks with mates and why doesn't she come along with some of her mates. Nothing weird, not asking her out just trying to meet up for some drinks to get to know her better outside of your course. Things will develop naturally from there, whether that be friendship or something more...

[fox123]

My post is more focused on anxiety attacks than confidence.

Up until I was 18 I was extremely confident. Then all of a sudden I had my first anxiety attack (from which I ended up in hospital) which accumulated to me experiencing hyper ventalation possibly one of the worst experiences I have ever been through in my life.

Weeks went by and I would continue to have these panic attacks, sometimes upto 2/3 a day, it would scare the shite out of me, I would a have panic attack because of panicking about a panic attack, and thats what would make the situation worse, I was actually panicking because of panicking.

Each panic attack would be diferent, but alot were focused around my throat, I would feel a lump in my throat, then I would panic because I thought I had something stuck in my throat, again I would start getting my self really worked up about this, and start hyper ventilating and another trip to the hospital.

I felt all alone, thought what the hell was happening to me, I have never experienced this, have never heard what I am experiencing being discussed by anyone else, I had never felt so alone in my life.

I decided to go to the doctors, who confirmed to me I was experiencing anxiety attacks, and in turn he advised me to not drink caffeine, stop smoking and put me on beater blockers to slow my heart rate down but I would still experience these attacks, in fact they went on for 3 years.

One day I read a book, because I didn't believe the doctor when he told me that millions of people suffer these attacks; I can't remember what the book was called but it was the best read of my life.

It was based on a woman that experienced similar attacks to my self, she discussed how she tackled the attacks and refered the attacks as 'The Panic Monster'. She had a mental fight with her monster, she mentally wanted it to attack her, she willed the beast on and by doing so, she eventually defeated it. I did the exact same thing, and what doctors could not rid, one simple exercise 3 times a day cured and to this day has never been back.

All I am trying to get at is that, you are not alone, millions of people suffer/have suffered some form of anxiety attack, or indeed lack self confidence. I guarantee alot of people on the board, do not have the same confidence they have when posting behind the safety of a screen!

Try tackling any anxieties you have head on, and remember your not alone!

[Guest]

I started uni last week. And there's this girl on my course, she was the first person who spoke to me at uni, and we hit it off. We sit together at lectures and I just feel really good when I'm in her company.

So whats the problem?

My confidence is so low from previous stuff, and now a simple thing like asking for her number gets me worked up, because of the fear of rejection.

Anyone have any tips on how to improve confidence.

Serious responses and piss takes welcome.

Yeah it's the same thing really. Lack of confidence in myself and before I even open my mouth I can sense she's thinking 'what a tuwaaaaat', leading to fear of rejection.

I know this guy who when in town just goes up to anyone starts talking and has their phone number etc within minutes. I know it's all about confidence, it's just working on building it - something I'm trying to do atm.

I was going to right an essay, but it was going to make me look like more of a neurotic cow than I already am!

What I have learnt is to trust your gut instinct, and go for it. However, this is with the benefit of hindsight, and with the consequence of lost opportunities.

You can't help who you are, if they don't like you for it, tough. And no, I still can't accept that theory even now, so you will probably ignore this whole post.

My post is more focused on anxiety attacks than confidence.....

Try tackling any anxieties you have head on, and remember your not alone!

It doesn't feel that way at the time!!

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

Wow thats pretty cool. Must be an awesome bond you two have.

Yup.

On the whole though, my advice would be that, if you like this girl, make a move when the time is right. Don't leave it too late, not too early, but at least make sure you tell her. You don't want to go through however many years feeling like that and not acting upon it.

[Granno]

I was going to right an essay, but it was going to make me look like more of a neurotic cow than I already am!

What I have learnt is to trust your gut instinct, and go for it. However, this is with the benefit of hindsight, and with the consequence of lost opportunities.

You can't help who you are, if they don't like you for it, tough. And no, I still can't accept that theory even now, so you will probably ignore this whole post.

Cheers Lisa. Some top notch advice there.

[Katy]

She clearly likes you and sees you as a mate so why don't you, before leaving her to go home or the library or wherever, write your number down and give it to her - say to her if she needs to chat or talk about essays or whatever then here's my number sort of thing.

The ball is in her court then and she'll text you and you'll have her number without the fear of rejection, she will text you though because you've got on so well and you're not trying it on or anything you're just being a mate - girls love that.

You sound really sweet though so you've nothing to worry about

PS I remember an ex-foxestalk Admin being a lot like you when I met him he's totally fine now

[Granno]

She clearly likes you and sees you as a mate so why don't you, before leaving her to go home or the library or wherever, write your number down and give it to her - say to her if she needs to chat or talk about essays or whatever then here's my number sort of thing.

The ball is in her court then and she'll text you and you'll have her number without the fear of rejection, she will text you though because you've got on so well and you're not trying it on or anything you're just being a mate - girls love that.

You sound really sweet though so you've nothing to worry about

PS I remember an ex-foxestalk Admin being a lot like you when I met him he's totally fine now

I never think of doing things like that! I always get so worked up over things!

Cheers Katy

[hairy]

Problem is if you dont make a move she will think your not up for it and turn her attention to others.

Swollow your pride and try it. It could be a big confidence booster.

"Its better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven't"

Your at Uni. Live it.