easilee Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 Not much of a topic but i have to reveal to all readers that people like this are actually out there on the roads. A friend was giving me a lift home and i told him "take your next left mate." "O.K." he said, and proceeded to turn right. Stunned, i asked him "why did you do that, don't you even know your right from your left ? He replied, (no word of a lie) "yeah but it's dark innit?" tw*t
Sparky Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mates missus wanted to know why the U.S.A. do not compete in the eurovision song contest
Joe. Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mate: "It's cold so I'm standing in the shade". At 11 p.m at night.
FoxyPV Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 Playing a match at night our captain said "when the lights came on the ball gets wet"
Joe. Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mate: "It's cold so I'm standing in the shade". At 11 p.m at night. This is the same mate who genuinely does not know who Winston Churchill is.
Webbo Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mates missus wanted to know why the U.S.A. do not compete in the eurovision song contest I was talking to my wife about cot death when she said to me ' my mothers friend died of that and she was 58'.
z-layrex Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mate wrote a love letter to a girl and one line said he wanted to take her to Australia and live in a cottage...
Guest nathan. Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 I was talking to my wife about cot death when she said to me ' my mothers friend died of that and she was 58'. Me and my girlfriend where stood on a hotel balcony overlooking the sea, she suddenly comes out with ' nath dont you think the sea looks really wet today '
Finnegan Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 A really stupid, Wenglish, former house mate of mine from south Pembrokeshire once famously sat down to watch the SUPER BOWL with us at about mid-night, watched the spectacle for a while before staring at the telly in deep focus and then asked us: "... is this in Cardiff?"
Guest Bilo Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 'There's a rollercoaster at Alton Towers where they advise you not to ride if you have epilepsy.' 'Why?' 'Because of the flash that goes off.' 'THEY SET OFF A FLASH TO GIVE YOU A FIT JUST TO PROVE YOU HAVE EPILEPSY?!' No. No, they don't.
StanSP Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 My mate walked into McDonalds after a Jimmy Carr gig, and went up to the till, where a coloured lady stood, and asked 'Can I have 9 nig- nuggets please?'
Guest Mee-9 Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 Mate asked a Ice Cream man for a 69er, Instead of a 99er.
David Guiza Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 One my mates was convinced that boxing day was on the 27th of December and even argued with 3 of us that it was.
act smiley Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 "Corby is the largest town without a trouser press"
MPH Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 i guess this sort of qualifies and its something i once actually said.. I was sitting in the staff room at work .. i had been there about a year and one of my colleagues came in. she sat besides me and we were chatting away... she had a short-ish skirt on.. i noticed she had these marks on her knees and legs and ankles. so i was like " what are they?" she just calmly said " oh, they are carpet burns." " OH YEAH!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO?? HEY.. EVERYONE SHE'S GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO EH??? OOOH... CARPET BURNS!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?!?!?" she goes red. " i'm epileptic." "oh. Sorry."
FoxyPV Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 i guess this sort of qualifies and its something i once actually said..I was sitting in the staff room at work .. i had been there about a year and one of my colleagues came in. she sat besides me and we were chatting away... she had a short-ish skirt on.. i noticed she had these marks on her knees and legs and ankles. so i was like " what are they?" she just calmly said " oh, they are carpet burns." " OH YEAH!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO?? HEY.. EVERYONE SHE'S GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO EH??? OOOH... CARPET BURNS!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?!?!?" she goes red. " i'm epileptic." "oh. Sorry."
z-layrex Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 i guess this sort of qualifies and its something i once actually said..I was sitting in the staff room at work .. i had been there about a year and one of my colleagues came in. she sat besides me and we were chatting away... she had a short-ish skirt on.. i noticed she had these marks on her knees and legs and ankles. so i was like " what are they?" she just calmly said " oh, they are carpet burns." " OH YEAH!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO?? HEY.. EVERYONE SHE'S GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO EH??? OOOH... CARPET BURNS!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?!?!?" she goes red. " i'm epileptic." "oh. Sorry." Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Classic larry david moments I call them:
Guest Mee-9 Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 i guess this sort of qualifies and its something i once actually said..I was sitting in the staff room at work .. i had been there about a year and one of my colleagues came in. she sat besides me and we were chatting away... she had a short-ish skirt on.. i noticed she had these marks on her knees and legs and ankles. so i was like " what are they?" she just calmly said " oh, they are carpet burns." " OH YEAH!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO?? HEY.. EVERYONE SHE'S GOT CARPET BURNS ON HER LEGS!!!! WHAT YOU BEEN UPTO EH??? OOOH... CARPET BURNS!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?!?!?" she goes red. " i'm epileptic." "oh. Sorry." :crylaugh:
Edmund Posted 1 March 2010 Posted 1 March 2010 It's not a mate of mine but just a general funny/stupid comment that was fooking hillarious at the time. On a flight to Amsterdam I was sat opposite a group of lads and girls on their way over for a weekend. As we approached Schipol the pilot announcement came through for seatbelts etc this blonde bird looks and points out the window and says to her partner, "the sea looks beautiful." His reply was "that's not the sea it's the sky." As she happened to have a loud voice half the plane heard this and struggled to contain their laughter.
The Padster Posted 2 March 2010 Posted 2 March 2010 Can't remember who but I have a distinct memory of one of my mates outside Mosh saying "Let's play fisting".
MikeyT Posted 2 March 2010 Posted 2 March 2010 My mates missus wanted to know why the U.S.A. do not compete in the eurovision song contest I actually found this hilarious!
Trav Le Bleu Posted 2 March 2010 Posted 2 March 2010 I was talking to my wife about cot death when she said to me ' my mothers friend died of that and she was 58'. A cot fell on her? Anyway, a friend once said it was too cold to snow and the reason for this, I kid you not, was because all the snow in the clouds freezes together. Yes, instead of snow, when it get's really cold we should worry about football pitch sized hailstones!
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