SOCCERROO FOX Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Can you be friends with your best mates ex and can you be more than friends with them? if so how long a period would need to pass? Ok didn't know her until me mate started dating her, was due to be best man at there wedding, always got on well with her and chat to her on the phone etc. They broke up almost a year ago i went to lunch with her with in a week of them going out, trying to be a neutral mate. Since i've been back from overseas i've been to her house for dinner and that and let my mate know but i found out from a neutral mate he cracked the shits so i've seen her as a mate a few times and kept it quiet a few times. Not trying to be dog mate but they weren't right for each other and she is a smoking career orintated teacher, they went out for 4 years the last year was shit for them both. We stil talk all the time and went out to lunch a few times. I may be no oil painting so not sure if she fancys me but we chat all the time on the phone and go for lunch often but i constantly turn down her requests for dinner and drinks cos i would find it hard to tell my mate cos the mere mention of her name sends him in to melt down mode even tho he knows we have remainded friends, But i may have feeling for her what should i do? Any one else been in this situation any advice would be greatly appreciated as i can't discuss with mates for obvious reasons.
Leicfox Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Yes you can BUT The question should really be, is it possible to keep your friend in the process???
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 26 February 2011 Author Posted 26 February 2011 quote name='Michael The Work Geordie' timestamp='1298731530' post='1807632'] Roo's been on the shandies. Clearly! Yes she is hot and well above my capibilities Yes you can BUT The question should really be, is it possible to keep your friend in the process??? This is the biggest question i think and one i try not to think about, ever since the break he has been diffrent in fairness i went overseas for 6 months and didn't see him or help him thru it but he hasn't coped and even me meeting her for a drink (he only knew cos i told him) cut him deep. so maybe this it the real question..............unluckly
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 26 February 2011 Author Posted 26 February 2011 In 4 years of foxestalk this is my first......firstish proper dilema i need help i obviously can't talk to my mates about thism nor can i assist with a dutch rudder to make it go away. I need help!
MPH Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Think you got to assess just how much it would affect your friendship with your friend, how close that friendship is and the long term possibilities of your relationship with the gal. if you just want a few sordid nights with her will it be worth the possible long term damage to your friendship? Will your friend be in a pit for a few weeks but be able to pull himself out and move on? i hope this doesnt sound callous but maybe seeing her move on and be in a new relationship might help him move on himself... right now it doesnt sound like he can let go.... he might not speak to you for a year.. but would he REALLY in the long term want to denyt you happiness just because he cant be happy himself He is not in a relationship with her. they broke up a year ago. my 2p worth...
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 26 February 2011 Author Posted 26 February 2011 Rating out of 10? 9 Maybe a 9.5 if i was in her her class at primary school
Jackirius Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 9 Maybe a 9.5 if i was in her her class at primary school Nice, in that case, go for it.
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 26 February 2011 Author Posted 26 February 2011 Nice, in that case, go for it. The druken mind says yes but the proper logical mind needs help.......
ajthefox Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Think you got to assess just how much it would affect your friendship with your friend, how close that friendship is and the long term possibilities of your relationship with the gal. if you just want a few sordid nights with her will it be worth the possible long term damage to your friendship? Will your friend be in a pit for a few weeks but be able to pull himself out and move on? i hope this doesnt sound callous but maybe seeing her move on and be in a new relationship might help him move on himself... right now it doesnt sound like he can let go.... he might not speak to you for a year.. but would he REALLY in the long term want to denyt you happiness just because he cant be happy himself He is not in a relationship with her. they broke up a year ago. my 2p worth... I think this is as sound advice as you'll hear, I would try and add to it but I don't think I can.
ozleicester Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 whats more importsant to you.. her or your mate? Guessing you can only have one
Uncle Monty Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Depends how much you value your friendship really. Would you want a friend to be with your ex?
Fox You Forest Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Touch her sentiment and be done with it.
MPH Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 Depends how much you value your friendship really. Would you want a friend to be with your ex? What, other than your own pride being hurt would be the problem with that? Im 36 and i just see things less emotionally these days... If she was a horrible person i would maybe try warn him, but people have to come to their own conclusions ultimately. Like i mentioned in a previous post, if he was just after a few sordid nights i would question the wisdom.. but in the long run would it REALLY be the right thing to throw your toys out of the pram / deny your friend the potential of life long personal happiness just because you felt a bit funny that she was your ex?
CupidStunt Posted 26 February 2011 Posted 26 February 2011 I went out with my cousins ex, that was shit to begin with, but he came round So **** it, if you want it and it will make you happy, then do it, your mate will come round, and if he dont, then he aint a proper mate. He should understand that yes, its weird, but shit happens, and if your happy, then he should be happy for you Tell him first, see what he thinks
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