Depression

[spacemunky]

15 minutes ago, HybridFox said:

Scraped the side of my car today and feel so bloody annoyed with myself. Was driving to a routine appointment but was a lot busier than usual so had to go into an overflow car park at the back which was much narrower than I thought. To my surprise this was also full so had to awkwardly turn the car around to go back and on exit I caught the side of my back door against something sticking out the wall which I didn't initially see. Mainly paintwork that will need doing but it was so avoidable! Why didn't I just look for parking further down the road which I ended up doing anyway. With the bank holiday/family holiday coming up and up to my head with work it's just the last thing I needed. Will no doubt get screwed at by the family as well. Particularly as things were on the mend after a recent op I had to undergo. I just worry it'll trigger me back down again. It's really f****d my day off

This would fall under the case of "shit happens". In the words of a great philosopher "shake it off!".

 

You should see the sides of my car. Apparently i have no depth perception or spatial awareness. I probably should have had it repaired, but I like the look I get from other drivers and how they tend to give me extra space now.

[urban.spaceman]

5 hours ago, HybridFox said:

Scraped the side of my car today and feel so bloody annoyed with myself. Was driving to a routine appointment but was a lot busier than usual so had to go into an overflow car park at the back which was much narrower than I thought. To my surprise this was also full so had to awkwardly turn the car around to go back and on exit I caught the side of my back door against something sticking out the wall which I didn't initially see. Mainly paintwork that will need doing but it was so avoidable! Why didn't I just look for parking further down the road which I ended up doing anyway. With the bank holiday/family holiday coming up and up to my head with work it's just the last thing I needed. Will no doubt get screwed at by the family as well. Particularly as things were on the mend after a recent op I had to undergo. I just worry it'll trigger me back down again. It's really f****d my day off

Wise words from @spacemunky; it's ****ing horrible when it happens and it will sting for a few days but hopefully it's just 'one of those things' that genuinely happens to the best of us. Had a horrible winter last year where practically everything was going wrong at the same time then suddenly had my first ever speeding ticket come through the post after 20 years of driving (I still refuse to accept I did anything wrong as the council had changed the speeding limit and according to the patronising 6 hour course they made me sit through there wasn't sufficient signage warning about the change. I'm not bitter), then got my 3rd ever parking ticket a couple of days later which just sent me over the edge. Devastating at the time but I feel differently about it now. I'm also planning my vengeance against the council.

 

Hope you're able to get it fixed mate.

[urban.spaceman]

This made me titter, hope it does for others too. 

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKC8sLxxWl1/?hl=en-gb

[Trav Le Bleu]

6 hours ago, spacemunky said:

This would fall under the case of "shit happens". In the words of a great philosopher "shake it off!".

 

You should see the sides of my car. Apparently i have no depth perception or spatial awareness. I probably should have had it repaired, but I like the look I get from other drivers and how they tend to give me extra space now.

Going for the ratted look.

 

And I do tend to give battered cars more space

 

[FoxesDeb]

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

 

[Izzy]

12 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

 

Have you had any grief counselling Deb?

 

I appreciate you're in Spain but I know people in the U.K. who do it over VC and are excellent.

 

Happy to put you in contact with them if you ever wanted an initial consultation.

[Jattdogg]

8 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

 

Awww Deb, I know you are a stranger but that post makes me want to give you a massive hug. I remember when you first told us all it really struck me as I have kids (12 and 10, boy and girl).

 

Putting thoughts down is a great way to get things off your chest/mind.  I wish I could help more but understand nothing ever prepares you for this situation and how to deal or work through it.

 

Have you been talking to anyone about your grief/pain?

 

I know there is no one size fits all thing but it could help.

 

Much love from 🇨🇦 

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

17 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

I am so, so sorry for your loss Deb. I cannot comprehend what you’re going through. Like Izzy said, grief counselling is a very good idea. I’ve done it myself and it helped me no end. I would hope there’s a bilingual one near you that can help. 

[FoxesDeb]

Thanks all, your words of support do mean a lot. 

 

I haven't had any kind of counselling, honestly I'm worried if I start talking openly about what happened it might actually break me 

[Izzy]

10 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

Thanks all, your words of support do mean a lot. 

 

I haven't had any kind of counselling, honestly I'm worried if I start talking openly about what happened it might actually break me 

I know you don't want to hear this Deb, but the whole point of counselling is to enable you to fully break before building you back together piece by piece.

 

It's a painful and hard but they have a process which is tried and tested (in my case Gestalt therapy) and it initially might take you to places you don't want to go.

 

I resisted my first few sessions until I broke and then it took a few more sessions after that to mend me (I'm still not fully mended btw but I'm in a much better place now).

 

I'd encourage you to give it a go and trust the process. It might just help x

[Guest TamworthFoxes]

21 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

 

Deb, I feel sure there is no way your boy would have wanted you to feel this way. 
Be kind to yourself, there is no chance he would have wanted you feeling this way.

Enjoy your life as best as you possibly can. It’s what he would have wanted.

Heartfelt condolences on your loss. 

[HighPeakFox]

16 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

Thanks all, your words of support do mean a lot. 

 

I haven't had any kind of counselling, honestly I'm worried if I start talking openly about what happened it might actually break me 

That's the thing people say when they are frightened in these circumstances, and it's entirely understandable. 

 

Be unafraid - nothing can possibly be worse than what you went through and are still going through. 

[1972 Fox]

On 24/08/2025 at 19:48, FoxesDeb said:

I really really miss my boy. It's all the little things really, my daughter now has a boyfriend and Ellis will never meet him, he'll never see his sister who was also his best friend happy, and the boyfriend will never know the son and brother that we talk about.

 

I still can't listen to music and that's really hard as music used to be an enormous part of my life, but I just can't bear any reminders. There are even some adverts I have to turn over, it's endless, and I still can't look.at his photo either. 

 

The worst thing though is the constant thoughts of his mindset at the time, his last thoughts, what he felt at the end, did he wish his Mum was there with him right at the end? My imagination plays over and over in my head with possible scenarios and it's just never ending.

 

I know people all over the world go through loss, every single day, but it's been over 18 months without him and I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

 

I've said this before but the hardest thing of all is the incessant feeling of wanting to be with him, but knowing I can't be.

 

Apologies for the woe is me post, but sometimes you just need to write it down. 

 

Thoughts and love to you and your family. I really hope you can find some strength from somewhere. ❤️

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 25/08/2025 at 17:01, Izzy said:

I know you don't want to hear this Deb, but the whole point of counselling is to enable you to fully break before building you back together piece by piece.

 

It's a painful and hard but they have a process which is tried and tested (in my case Gestalt therapy) and it initially might take you to places you don't want to go.

 

I resisted my first few sessions until I broke and then it took a few more sessions after that to mend me (I'm still not fully mended btw but I'm in a much better place now).

 

I'd encourage you to give it a go and trust the process. It might just help x

This!

 

Izzy's a wise old coot @FoxesDeb, such a good poster, he knows of what he speaks.

 

Unless it's the jokes thread.

 

On 25/08/2025 at 17:03, TamworthFoxes said:

Deb, I feel sure there is no way your boy would have wanted you to feel this way. 
Be kind to yourself, there is no chance he would have wanted you feeling this way.

Enjoy your life as best as you possibly can. It’s what he would have wanted.

Heartfelt condolences on your loss. 

100% 

 

Keep reminding yourself this.

[Muzzy_no7]

On 25/08/2025 at 17:01, Izzy said:

I know you don't want to hear this Deb, but the whole point of counselling is to enable you to fully break before building you back together piece by piece.

 

It's a painful and hard but they have a process which is tried and tested (in my case Gestalt therapy) and it initially might take you to places you don't want to go.

 

I resisted my first few sessions until I broke and then it took a few more sessions after that to mend me (I'm still not fully mended btw but I'm in a much better place now).

 

I'd encourage you to give it a go and trust the process. It might just help x

I second this @FoxesDeb. 
 

Counselling is a really effective tool that I’ve used before several times both in and out of work and I push for people to take up or refer people to all the time. 
 

[Lionator]

27 minutes ago, Muzzy_no7 said:

I second this @FoxesDeb. 
 

Counselling is a really effective tool that I’ve used before several times both in and out of work and I push for people to take up or refer people to all the time. 
 

Just to say as well, any counsellor worth their salt will slowly build a connection with you. They wouldn’t expect you to break down in front of them straight away, you need to trust them and they’ll slowly help you to do what you need to do over time. 

[HybridFox]

Never thought heartbreak would feel like this. Lost the joy to do anything. Even on Friday going to the game my mind was elsewhere. This will be a long long healing process and the fact the girl in question is part of a big mutual friends group means I'll never truly get away from it. Damn life can really suck sometimes

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Well after months of things looking up it’s all coming crumbling down again. Absolutely ruined things by texting horrible stuff to my ex so she’s stopping me seeing my daughter, can’t concentrate at work at all, started drinking again, fiancé has left me, going to be homeless end of November. Fun fun fun! All my own stupid fault, self sabotage, also just having sex with random women every weekend, I really am all over the place.

[HighPeakFox]

3 hours ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Well after months of things looking up it’s all coming crumbling down again. Absolutely ruined things by texting horrible stuff to my ex so she’s stopping me seeing my daughter, can’t concentrate at work at all, started drinking again, fiancé has left me, going to be homeless end of November. Fun fun fun! All my own stupid fault, self sabotage, also just having sex with random women every weekend, I really am all over the place.

Try and just slow down and stop, then you can turn the tanker around.

[ajthefox]

21 hours ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Well after months of things looking up it’s all coming crumbling down again. Absolutely ruined things by texting horrible stuff to my ex so she’s stopping me seeing my daughter, can’t concentrate at work at all, started drinking again, fiancé has left me, going to be homeless end of November. Fun fun fun! All my own stupid fault, self sabotage, also just having sex with random women every weekend, I really am all over the place.

Tomorrow is a new day and a chance to do the right things, regardless of the past. Step by step.

 

Take care bud.

[urban.spaceman]

23 hours ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Well after months of things looking up it’s all coming crumbling down again. Absolutely ruined things by texting horrible stuff to my ex so she’s stopping me seeing my daughter, can’t concentrate at work at all, started drinking again, fiancé has left me, going to be homeless end of November. Fun fun fun! All my own stupid fault, self sabotage, also just having sex with random women every weekend, I really am all over the place.

Really sorry to read this mate. It's SO ****ing easy to make destructive mistakes when you've been spiralling (believe me, this summer has been horrendous), and so, so hard to get back to yourself. To echo what AJ and HP said, this is an opportunity to put things right - if you can, try and take a couple of days off from it all - cut out anything that might be triggering negative behaviour or thoughts. Immerse yourself in something you know is positive, relaxing or peaceful - for me it's the cinema or rewatching films at home in the dark with my devices off and in another room, it just takes me out the 'world' for a few hours and frees me from whatever is going on. 

 

Hope you're able to find somewhere to live and fix your relationships mate. You can still turn this back around. 

[Lionator]

I need to open up as I’m really struggling. I’m drinking too much and drinking to cope. I’m paranoid, I’m anxious, I’m functioning terribly. Something needs to change but I have no idea what. I’m off work today ‘ill’ but really I’m too anxious to face the world, and I’ve already had a couple of beers this morning. How have people turned it around from here?

Edited 15 September 2025 by Lionator

[Muzzy_no7]

2 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I need to open up as I’m really struggling. I’m drinking too much and drinking to cope. I’m paranoid, I’m anxious, I’m functioning terribly. Something needs to change but I have no idea what. I’m off work today ‘ill’ but really I’m too anxious to face the world, and I’ve already had a couple of beers this morning. How have people turned it around from here?

Have you ever considered or tried CBD gummies or drops? 
 

Also find that running and working out always helps steady my MH. 

[urban.spaceman]

25 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I need to open up as I’m really struggling. I’m drinking too much and drinking to cope. I’m paranoid, I’m anxious, I’m functioning terribly. Something needs to change but I have no idea what. I’m off work today ‘ill’ but really I’m too anxious to face the world, and I’ve already had a couple of beers this morning. How have people turned it around from here?

Taking the day off was probably a good choice. To paraphrase my post above, try to identify what is triggering the anxiety/paranoia and day drinking and do what you can to shift focus away from that for now. Having a full on digital detox might help especially if it's related to the deeply troubling world we're living in right now (or at least avoid news and social media sites/get yourself banned from certain threads...); if it's personal stuff that could help too, just taking time out to re-centre your mind and body. The alcohol can be medicinal but can also be counterproductive if you're not careful. Try out @Muzzy_no7's recommendations too - sometimes I just do down to the gym and spend an hour on the treadmill with headphones on to drown out the world and stay offline. CBD is absolutely worth trying. I'm actively exploring legal medicinal THC as well which seems to be helping a lot of people. 

[FerrisBueller]

I've generally been alright over the past few years after moving country, giving up stuff like smoking and weed, and being a bit more active physically, but I've been having a rough couple of weeks due to some personal circumstances. Went to see my therapist the other day and she highlighted the need to do things to make myself happy in various dynamics. It's not something I'm used to doing as I'm generally one to put other people's needs and happiness before my own, usually to my detriment. But the last week or so I've made a conscious effort to do so. The other night I went to a concert on my own, and felt good in my own company. Don't know if this is relevant or helpful to anyone, but remember to look after yourselves.