The joke thread

[bigjohn]

Arnold schwarzenegger is getting divorced

She wants his clothes,his boots and his motorcycle

[Alexikokopops]

Some mates went to a popular nightclub one evening. There was a Chinese fella, a Cambodian, a Vietnamese, a Malaysian, a Singaporean, an Indian, a Pakistani, an Indonesian, a Burmese and a Philippino.

The bouncer asked "Are you all together in a group?"

"Yes," smiled the Philippino "we represent South-East Asia."

The bouncer replied, " Sorry mate, but I cant let you in without a Thai."

Poor old Laos

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees,

Apparently she'd stood him up.

I know I shouldn't, but

[Liam Newcombe 95]

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

[Wymsey]

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who couldn't have sex?

They kept trying to do 96.

[AjcW]

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who couldn't have sex?

They kept trying to do 96.

Dyscalculia?

[Wycombe Fox]

Wouldn't it be ironic if Antonio Valencia played for Valencia, David Villa played for Aston Villa, and Stefan Kuntz played for Nottingham Forest?

[ajthefox]

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who couldn't have sex?

They kept trying to do 96.

Dyscalculia?

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who couldn't have sex?

They kept trying to do the ninety six

better

Edited 11 May 2011 by ajthefox

[StanSP]

Wouldn't it be ironic if Antonio Valencia played for Valencia, David Villa played for Aston Villa, and Stefan Kuntz played for Nottingham Forest?

A different variation I saw...(Matt will love it )

Wouldn't it be ironic if Antonio Valencia played for Valencia, David Villa played for Aston Villa, and Danny Shittu played for Arsenal?

[MikeyT]

What's hairy on the outside, moist on the inside, begins with a C, ends with a T and has U and N inbetween???

A Coconut!

[broughtonblue]

Seve Ballesteros was buried in the same grave as his father, following an old Spanish tradition. He is now one over par!

[Filbert_Ross]

Kate McCann has got a lovely tan at the minute. I guess its because she's been lying in the Sun all week.

[CityMad]

Two mexicans are stuck in the desert starving.

In the distance they see a tree.

As they get nearer,they see it is draped with rashers of juicy bacon.

"hey look,Pedro"says Juan

"Ees a bacon tree! Were saved"

Juan runs to the tree but before he gets their he is suddenly gunned down in a hail of bullets.

With his dyeing breath he shouts back "Run Pedro! Ees no a bacon tree! Ees a ham bush

ill grab me coat

[ajthefox]

Two mexicans are stuck in the desert starving.

In the distance they see a tree.

As they get nearer,they see it is draped with rashers of juicy bacon.

"hey look,Pedro"says Juan

"Ees a bacon tree! Were saved"

Juan runs to the tree but before he gets their he is suddenly gunned down in a hail of bullets.

With his dyeing breath he shouts back "Run Pedro! Ees no a bacon tree! Ees a ham bush

ill grab me coat

I don't know if I made myself laugh with the mexican accent I put on whilst reading this or not but I found that funny!

[StanSP]

I don't know if I made myself laugh with the mexican accent I put on whilst reading this or not but I found that funny!

Same

[Father Ted]

Ermmm... ok

[m00nie]

UEFA have expressed concern regards the wembley pitch for the Champions League final.

But the FA have assured them that it will be fine, as they are putting a load of shit on it this Saturday !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well it turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was

Edited 12 May 2011 by m00nie

[bigjohn]

The tenerife version of supermarket sweep looks harsh

[Stadt]

The tenerife version of supermarket sweep looks harsh

I guess not many people'll be heading to Tenerife in a while.

I'll get my coat.

[MikeyT]

Ermmm... ok

[Finnegan]

Ermmm... ok

[millzi]

I don't know if I made myself laugh with the mexican accent I put on whilst reading this or not but I found that funny!

I was thinking the exact same

[millzi]

19 irish men go to the movies. Ticket lady asks "why so many of you" paddy replies "The film said over 18 only"...!!

Pure class! I love Irish jokes.

[stix]

Paddy and Murphy are invited to a party where the theme is to come as an emotion. Red for love, green for envy etc.Paddy turns up with his cock inside a pear and Murphy comes with his dropped in a bowl of custard.The shocked guests asked 'What have you come as?!'To which Paddy replied 'Well I'm deep in despair and Murphy's ****ing disgusted'

[Phube]

:laugh:

[m00nie]

F*%k Tenerife, wont be heading there for a while.....