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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Lamby

Lamby

Posted
Posted

Congratulations go to Lionel Messi on winning the Ballon D'or, Fernando Torres on missing the B'arn D'or & Frank Lampard on eating all the Carte D'or

  • Like 2
Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted

A man goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant.

"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title."

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

The man said, "That's the one, I'll take a copy"

  • Like 2
StanSP

StanSP

Posted
Posted

Apparently Torres has been wearing the same t shirt since his last goal.

He's promised to reveal whats on it next time he scores.

According to a team mate it says "Save the Chilean miners !"

Saw one with Heskey instead of Torres.

The t-shirt said 'Free Nelson Mandela'.

Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.

  • Like 2
Bloomer

Bloomer

Posted
Posted

Went to a toy shop yesterday & asked "Do you have any airfix models of Italian cruise liners?"

"Yes we do." Said the bloke behind the counter.

"Can you put it on one side for me?" I replied

  • Like 2
Head Honcho

Head Honcho

Posted
Posted

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Vinnie

lcfcadam

lcfcadam

Posted
Posted (edited)

When the captain of the ill-fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied, "off course".

Edited by lcfcadam
GLC

GLC

Posted
Posted

The captain from the sticken Costa Concordia has been urgently summoned to Nottingham, To advis the Forest board on how best to deal with a sinking ship

  • Like 1
Simo86

Simo86

Posted
Posted

The captain from the sticken Costa Concordia has been urgently summoned to Nottingham, To advis the Forest board on how best to deal with a sinking ship

His reply- "Get off the fooker!"

  • Like 1

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