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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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flowwolf

flowwolf

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hope you gave it a good clean - they can get sweaty and smelly enough as it is.

Your watch that is, not your significant others clout.

It's ok it's water proof and any way I work on a Fish stall. On that subject there's a old blind man who walks past our stall every morning , He raises his hat and says " morning ladies "

Edited by flowwolf
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think I've missed something :/

You're not alone. Is it that Harry is supposed to be a bit fik? That a 5 year old picks the team? What? :dunno:

Edited by Trav Le Bleu
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

I think I've missed something :/

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

Jimmy

Jimmy

Posted
Posted

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

bloody hell dave that was a bit small

ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted

if you're referring to my post then Harry Rednapp used lack of writing ability as his defence in his fraud case.

From the same blog

Seems like our ‘Arry’s key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, “writes like a two-year old”, “can’t spell” and is “the most disorganised man in the world” ergo there’s no way he could’ve diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of the tax due on a ‘misc. payment’ of £189,500. Sounds water-tight to me and I’ve watched ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ so I know a thing or two.

Redknapp also admitted that he’s so shit at staying in the lines when he’s colouring-in that he can’t even fill out the Spurs teamsheet come matchday, as this irrefutable evidence will duly attest to your honour…

Ahh I see, thanks for clearing that up.

Oh and sorry for making you have to explain.. lol

I'm sure I would've laughed if I knew that before I read it

fatmando

fatmando

Posted
Posted

lol I got it first time DavieG...

Does highlight how much bull Harry Redknapp is telling that court room..."I write like a 2 year old","Can't fill in a teamsheet"....Coooourse you can't Harry! :whistle:

bluesbrothers

bluesbrothers

Posted
Posted

I heard the french army only builds tanks with reverse gears...

What do you call a frenchman winning a war? A defector.

What does Kim Jong Un decorate the halls with at Christmas? Missile Toe.

cambridgefox

cambridgefox

Posted
Posted

Hope i have not posted this before but its one of my favorite jokes.

I was walking on a beach when i saw a women with no arms or legs.Feeling sorry for her i walked up to her and started to chat.Things soon moved on so i said

"have you ever been hugged before?"

She said "no" so i gave her a hug"that was lovely" she replied.

"have you ever been kissed?" i said.

Again the answer was no,so i gave her a kiss.

"that was lovely" she replied.

Then i said"have you ever been fooked?"

"no" she said with a smile on her face.

"you will in 5 mins,the tides coming in"

  • Popular Post
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I took my wife to Barcelona last year. It was lovely, but one day a terrorist broke into our hotel room, rifled my wife's underwear and sorted them into two piles.

Apparently he was a Basque seperatist.

  • Like 6
MikeyT

MikeyT

Posted
Posted

A priest books into a travelodge and says to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled." She replies "no it's ordinary porn you sick bastard".

Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted (edited)

My girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life.

She may be right, but I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all.

Edited by Paddy Akinbiyi
  • Like 2
FoxyPV

FoxyPV

Posted
Posted

Liverpool thinking that a straight swap with Andy Carroll for Carlos Tevez is in any way remotely even.

Wherethefoxhat?

Wherethefoxhat?

Posted
Posted

When Paddy was asked why his chicken farm continued to struggle he replied ....

"Well,i think i'v narrowed it down to one of two things.....i'm either planting them too deep or too far apart !!! "

When Paddy was asked why he was still blaming the size of his squad on the fact his team were still conceding so many goals from set pieces he replied.....

"Well,i think it's down to the fact their all five foot two !!!"

When Paddy was asked why he'd refused to climb up the beam of Mick's new powerful torch the other evening he replied......

"Well,i know Mick .......and when i'd have got halfway up he'd have turned the light out !!!"

Wherethefoxhat?

Wherethefoxhat?

Posted
Posted

So Paddy is sitting on the wall inside the Lunatic Asylum when a guy wearing a blue & white scarf walks by .......

"Hows the City gone on today?" asks Paddy

"Awww they lost 3- 1 " replies the City fan

"Oh no says Paddy....they'll go mad in here when i tell them !"

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