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Jon the Hat

2015 Election season ..........stuff it in here.

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Posted

I know my grammar is shite, I'm not asking to be put in charge of education though.

Do you really think that he wrote the Labour manifesto?

Posted

Made me chuckle this.

 

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down and so on down to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning..

Today you voted.

Posted

If i look out the window I can see a foodbank and a soup kitchen, something I had never seen before, but fair enough.

They've been around for years, you should've looked harder.

Posted

If i look out the window I can see a foodbank and a soup kitchen, something I had never seen before, but fair enough.

 

Should've worked harder at school, you might be working / living in a nicer area!

Posted

Should've worked harder at school, you might be working / living in a nicer area!

Kensington & Chelsea has a food bank, just saying living near a food bank doesn't instantly make you poor.

Posted

No shit, it was a joke.

I hoped it was but with some of the people in this thread (The Invincible) at times it's hard to tell the difference.

Posted

I hoped it was but with some of the people in this thread (The Invincible) at times it's hard to tell the difference.

I think he must have changed his name to The Invisible - he's vanished into thin air.

Posted

I think he must have changed his name to The Invisible - he's vanished into thin air.

 

 

Ahhh, I was wondering why no agendas have been set. We need a new agenda setter.

Posted

Ahhh, I was wondering why no agendas have been set. We need a new agenda setter.

But where will we find another award-winning blogger?

Posted

Should've worked harder at school, you might be working / living in a nicer area!

That's the spirit. If you're poor its your fault. End of.

You ****ing mug.

Posted

Surprised nobody has mentioned HSBC potentially leaving the country. Who knew a culture of blaming the banks would lead banks to simply leave the country. If it sparks an exodus of financial services we're in serious trouble. They've been propping the country up financially for a couple of decades at least. Makes the prospect of dumb labour populism all the more dangerous.

Posted

I saw that. They gave the reason as taxes and a potential leaving of the EU. So a swipe at Labour and the Tories.

I think the taxes are 99% of it (Tory taxes of course, but a clear consequence of the current climate), as you'd expect, and they also mentioned the uncertainty about the EU, without saying whether they were for or against the UK being in it.

Posted

Surprised nobody has mentioned HSBC potentially leaving the country. Who knew a culture of blaming the banks would lead banks to simply leave the country. If it sparks an exodus of financial services we're in serious trouble. They've been propping the country up financially for a couple of decades at least. Makes the prospect of dumb labour populism all the more dangerous.

It's almost laughable. We must protect the rich bankers that destroyed the economy with ridiculous gambling because otherwise we'll All be poor!!!

What about you're 'work hard at school and you won't be poor' theory?

Posted

I like how you twist things to suit your views. If they don't want to pay their shair of taxes they can bugger off and not try and blackmail the government into taking it off the lower paid.

 

Oh wait a minute......

Posted

It's almost laughable. We must protect the rich bankers that destroyed the economy with ridiculous gambling because otherwise we'll All be poor!!!

What about you're 'work hard at school and you won't be poor' theory?

Work hard at school (if we can still afford schools of course), move to a country with a better economy and you won't be poor.

Posted

I like how you twist things to suit your views. If they don't want to pay their shair of taxes they can bugger off and not try and blackmail the government into taking it off the lower paid.

Oh wait a minute......

Yes that's all very virtuous but what are you going to do when they actually do bugger off and there's no tax left to pay your pension?

Posted

Work hard at school (if we can still afford schools of course), move to a country with a better economy and you won't be poor.

You my friend. Are a limited man.

Do you believe all people are born and raised and live in an equal playing field?

Isn't it incredible that so many young white rich men from very expensive private schools represent us in government?

Yes that's all very virtuous but what are you going to do when they actually do bugger off and there's no tax left to pay your pension?

Yore disgusting. We have to rely on the rich to pay taxes to live? Just go and live somewhere else. What a toad.

Posted

You my friend. Are a limited man.

Do you believe all people are born and raised and live in an equal playing field?

Isn't it incredible that so many young white rich men from very expensive private schools represent us in government?

Not really. They're practically bred to be politicians. Why should I care? I wouldn't want to be a politician anyway. They're paid a pittance for what they have to do.

Posted

Not really. They're practically bred to be politicians. Why should I care? I wouldn't want to be a politician anyway. They're paid a pittance for what they have to do.

The poor souls.

You clearly have no experience of what a 'pittance' is.

Posted

Yore disgusting. We have to rely on the rich to pay taxes to live? Just go and live somewhere else. What a toad.

Somebody needs to pay tax mate! Where else is the money going to come from? lol

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