Saxondale

Chill out John Percy

Is his agent not just a fat Greek bloke in a linen suit?

Musa and Slimani were utter crap. And we spent a lot of money on them. At least Slimani could score the odd goal, but he really is the definition of a donkey. But Musa was Ali Dia level. What were we doing buying some clown from the Russian league?

TalkSport saying we’re in for this clown and the Hozelock lad. Sounds like Zaha has fizzled out.

I’d hope the shirt customisations kids are more competent than the food and drink kiosk kids, otherwise the name would be on the inside of the shirt, upside down and spelt wrong.

So has this clog-wearer signed?

Correction: it was the mad Greek’s simpleton son

He might be expensive but he is also shit hot. Good players usually cost a lot of money.

He can do an interview on Speak Greek Speak for his announcement video.

So are we signing this plate smasher?

But this entirely based on the idea that all the rumours regarding transfers are true. What makes you think we don’t get deals over the line?

Do these guesses include the warm up?

I’m usually firmly in the ‘calm down’ camp, but even I’ll admit that was utter crap. Outplayed in every position. Conceded three goals but - perhaps even more concerningly - look like we’d never score in a million years.

Well, all the whinging old gits who complained that our possession-based, passing game last season was boring must be absolutely delighted. This team can’t string more than two passes together.

Why is the Techno Viking operating the substitute board?

We should sign that Papy Mendy, he looks outstanding.

Take the dog out for a quick walk and we concede three goals. I don’t even want to know.

Now you’re talking. Yes please.

I basically didn’t sleep properly until a couple of years ago. I used to go to bed post midnight every night, sometimes struggle to get to sleep for hours after that and not want to get up at a decent time ever. One of my problems was Restless Legs Syndrome, which kept me awake most of the time. Now I take a medication for it, which lets me sleep properly. Coupled with the fact I have changed career and now start very early mornings, I have definitely gone full 360 on the morning/evening person thing.

Nobody should be spending megabucks on a player from the scotch league. Too much of a risk.

Yeah, why not.

Jealous of West Ham signing Fullkrüg.

Call me old skool, but I like strikers who score lots of goals.

You lot are so pissy. Of course we have a plan.