Depression

[Izzy]

18 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

Just don't make a habit of it...   and if you do SMASH the habit

I'm reading this atm. Would highly recommend

 

[filthyfox]

2 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I'm reading this atm. Would highly recommend

 

Behavioural activation diary all the way!

[urban.spaceman]

Would definitely have needed one of these before:

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c75343nx06go

[filthyfox]

On 07/03/2025 at 09:10, filthyfox said:

The destructive behaviour...

 

Visiting sex workers for massages in areas that a legitimate masseur wouldn't touch (not a filthy place; just close to it).

 

Sneaking out late at night 2/3 times a week drinking 2/3 pints and then driving home via McDonald's where i stuffed my face til i felt fit to burst, but not be sick

 

Racked up a debt of £56k.

 

 

I got out of this by being COMPLETELY honest with wife.

 

Stopping ALL strands of this behaviour (6 months clean now)- maybe I'm stronger than I think?

 

Engaging wholeheartedly in therapy

 

Engaging with a debt management charity (stepchange)

 

Being creative in beaded jewellery making and macrame decorations

 

My world is SO much better

It has been 8 months since I stopped destroying myself.

 

Found a GPS based game called ingress- REALLY good for motivation in getting out.

 

Am feeling REALLY good.

 

But it would be SO easy to go backwards.

 

Keep talking, and stay strong people

Edited 31 May 2025 by filthyfox

[Zear0]

2 hours ago, filthyfox said:

It has been 8 months since I stopped destroying myself.

 

Found a GPS based game called ingress- REALLY good for motivation in getting out.

 

Am feeling REALLY good.

 

But it would be SO easy to go backwards.

 

Keep talking, and stay strong people

Nice one mate.  I was in a real bad place a few years ago after my mum passed and using Zwift on my turbo trainer really helped get me out of the hole.  Exercise is great for the mind, but it's easier said than done, especially given low mood/depression absolutely drains any energy motivation you have.  Gamification of fitness activities really helped give me the nudge I needed and glad it's doing something similar for you with Ingress (that we have to thank for Pokemon Go!)

 

Keep it up.

Edited 31 May 2025 by Zear0

[Trav Le Bleu]

Heard an item on Radio 4 today about noise pollution and how it raises you blood pressure, even when you're asleep 

 

It also depends on context and situation too. For instance, if you're having a party in your house, loud noise is great. If it's your neighbour, not so much. Also music you like will reduce your stress, but the opposite is also true.

 

I have to say, I do get very stressed if I have to listen to music I don't like for very long. Used to have Gem FM on the radio at work. Same old crap hour after hour interspaced with faux happy, krazy (sic) DJs. Weekly playlist of about 50 tracks.

 

Thankfully that station is now digital only.

[bmt]

Hey guys. Going through a really shit time. Hope you're all good 

[Silebyfox_89]

21 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Heard an item on Radio 4 today about noise pollution and how it raises you blood pressure, even when you're asleep 

 

It also depends on context and situation too. For instance, if you're having a party in your house, loud noise is great. If it's your neighbour, not so much. Also music you like will reduce your stress, but the opposite is also true.

 

I have to say, I do get very stressed if I have to listen to music I don't like for very long. Used to have Gem FM on the radio at work. Same old crap hour after hour interspaced with faux happy, krazy (sic) DJs. Weekly playlist of about 50 tracks.

 

Thankfully that station is now digital only.

I zoned out of the commercial radio stations along time ago. All OTT with adverts and presenting styles, annoying accents and language I can no longer relate to.

 

I listen to Podcasts some sport (BSLB and a few others) and some film/music one as I find it calming when driving.

If I'm struggling to sleep then Classic Fm calm or BBC sounds are pretty good for relaxing.

I suffer from high blood pressure at 35 and these definitely help.

[foxfanazer]

18 hours ago, bmt said:

Hey guys. Going through a really shit time. Hope you're all good 

Inbox is always open pal. Don't suffer in silence 

 

I'm in one of my "what's the point in anything" lulls 

Edited 1 June 2025 by foxfanazer

[Foxhateram]

Debt out of control! Addicted to things that are not helping! Work is too much and the pressure of life is just getting to me now! 
 

I miss my Nana dearly, she always helped me through! Crazy thing is my partner is amazing and things are great right now really. But the the weight of the world  is on my shoulders! I wish I could see my kids more often and I wish I wasn’t struggling as much as I am! 
 

got a new job recently and although this means that in the long run things will get better financially, right now it feels as though recovering from the current financial mess I’m in is an impossibility. My ex wife is taking me to the cleaners and my business is going down the pan! My new job is high pressure and is just too much for me to mentally cope with right now!!! 
 

Feel like I’m in free fall and can’t stop it!! How do I stop it? 

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 hour ago, Foxhateram said:

Debt out of control! Addicted to things that are not helping! Work is too much and the pressure of life is just getting to me now! 
 

I miss my Nana dearly, she always helped me through! Crazy thing is my partner is amazing and things are great right now really. But the the weight of the world  is on my shoulders! I wish I could see my kids more often and I wish I wasn’t struggling as much as I am! 
 

got a new job recently and although this means that in the long run things will get better financially, right now it feels as though recovering from the current financial mess I’m in is an impossibility. My ex wife is taking me to the cleaners and my business is going down the pan! My new job is high pressure and is just too much for me to mentally cope with right now!!! 
 

Feel like I’m in free fall and can’t stop it!! How do I stop it? 

One thing at a time mate. Maybe reducing the debt, which might take some hard choices like cutting back on holidays (at least, not spending so much on them) or things like alcohol/cigarettes (which will help in itself (no idea if you drink or smoke). Getting your monthly payments down will make work easier and after some time you'll have money for yourself.

 

That's where I'd start, personally, but that's me. Addiction - seek help from your GP, just be open with them. There's all sorts of counselling groups.

 

These are the two things that you can take control of, don't stress about things you can't control. It seems unfair, but stressing about it changes nothing.

 

Appreciate your current partner (I'm sure you do) and make sure she knows that. Enjoy the good moments when they come, even the little things. Every good moment is a win.

 

Lastly, remember your nana would want you to be happy. Used that memory as motivation when it all seems pointless. Your nana, your partner and for the times that you can see your kids.

 

Take care mate.

 

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

I’ve been back at work for a little while now, it’s very difficult but I am persevering. I can’t tell you how much a supportive and understanding partner helps, well has helped me at least, it’s like the massive middle jigsaw piece that was missing from my life that has all but completed the puzzle. I’m attending a recovery group for addiction, it’s really eye opening and helpful and going sober is and will continue to be the best choice I’ve ever made. The only real stress I have now outside of work and general life things from time to time is around my child, the mother has decided I’m not a fit parent, coinciding with me getting engaged, back to work, having a happy and stable home etc, just generally being in a much better place than I ever was with her. I can’t help but feel she is weaponising my daughter to get to me, and obviously to an extent it’s working, I just don’t know if I should simply show the powers that be how much better I am, or if I should also raise genuine concerns around my daughter I have in regards to the mother. I’m getting advice in the next week or two, if anyone has any experience of this and wants to send me a dm I’d appreciate it.

[Foxhateram]

5 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

One thing at a time mate. Maybe reducing the debt, which might take some hard choices like cutting back on holidays (at least, not spending so much on them) or things like alcohol/cigarettes (which will help in itself (no idea if you drink or smoke). Getting your monthly payments down will make work easier and after some time you'll have money for yourself.

 

That's where I'd start, personally, but that's me. Addiction - seek help from your GP, just be open with them. There's all sorts of counselling groups.

 

These are the two things that you can take control of, don't stress about things you can't control. It seems unfair, but stressing about it changes nothing.

 

Appreciate your current partner (I'm sure you do) and make sure she knows that. Enjoy the good moments when they come, even the little things. Every good moment is a win.

 

Lastly, remember your nana would want you to be happy. Used that memory as motivation when it all seems pointless. Your nana, your partner and for the times that you can see your kids.

 

Take care mate.

 

Getting help with the debt already, but lots of new things keep cropping up and it’s making life an impossibility, I’ve already stripped everything back to the bare minimum to make ends meet. Still it is growing. 
 

Just wish all the frustration would go away so that I can enjoy the good moments in life, but right now, I feel so lost in my mind, it makes it so difficult to switch off to enjoy the good bits. 
 

Thanks for listening matey. 

[Zear0]

6 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

Getting help with the debt already, but lots of new things keep cropping up and it’s making life an impossibility, I’ve already stripped everything back to the bare minimum to make ends meet. Still it is growing. 
 

Just wish all the frustration would go away so that I can enjoy the good moments in life, but right now, I feel so lost in my mind, it makes it so difficult to switch off to enjoy the good bits. 
 

Thanks for listening matey. 

Keep going buddy. You sound a clever guy who knows how to get out of this. It's always easier said than doing fixing things so all the best. 

[jgtuk]

43 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

Getting help with the debt already, but lots of new things keep cropping up and it’s making life an impossibility, I’ve already stripped everything back to the bare minimum to make ends meet. Still it is growing. 
 

Just wish all the frustration would go away so that I can enjoy the good moments in life, but right now, I feel so lost in my mind, it makes it so difficult to switch off to enjoy the good bits. 
 

Thanks for listening matey. 

I have nothing to add but wanted to wish you all the best. Don’t give up 👍

[Foxhateram]

3 hours ago, Zear0 said:

Keep going buddy. You sound a clever guy who knows how to get out of this. It's always easier said than doing fixing things so all the best. 

Thanks mate. I’ll get there, just one of those days where everything gets a bit too much! 

[foxfanazer]

And bam! Just like that out of nowhere I've hit a brick wall of depression today. Made up an excuse not to go to work and have just walked around aimlessly for hours. I've broken my cardinal rule of not drinking when I feel like this too. And that's always been a strict one for me.

 

No real rhyme or reason for feeling like this either other than the constant pressure of being a provider. I feel like my depression goes from 0-100 as well. I go from being fine to "well I could always kill myself". Which I know I can't do because I have children and I just couldn't do that to them

 

 

Anyway sorry for ranting but sometimes feels better to write it out

[Trav Le Bleu]

Good to know you can't end it all. Keep that to the front. I think the hot weather doesn't help (harder to sleep and less sleep isn't good).

 

Have you considered you might be bi-polar, if the mood change can be so sudden? Obviously I'm no expert - I always thought that a bipolar person has manic episodes in contrast to the downs, but apparently not always so.

 

Take care buddy, try and rest up. Drinking plenty of water will help I reckon. I'm a big believer in getting plenty of water being a simple health guideline which in terms of cost and effort, gives a massive return.

[foxfanazer]

39 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Good to know you can't end it all. Keep that to the front. I think the hot weather doesn't help (harder to sleep and less sleep isn't good).

 

Have you considered you might be bi-polar, if the mood change can be so sudden? Obviously I'm no expert - I always thought that a bipolar person has manic episodes in contrast to the downs, but apparently not always so.

 

Take care buddy, try and rest up. Drinking plenty of water will help I reckon. I'm a big believer in getting plenty of water being a simple health guideline which in terms of cost and effort, gives a massive return.

Good point but I don't think so. Most of the time I feel pretty numb. Very rarely have manic highs or lows but every now and again the depression hits me like a tonne of bricks. 

 

Thanks for the reply, really is appreciated 

[Trav Le Bleu]

3 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Good point but I don't think so. Most of the time I feel pretty numb. Very rarely have manic highs or lows but every now and again the depression hits me like a tonne of bricks. 

 

Thanks for the reply, really is appreciated 

Any time, DM if you want.

[Zear0]

6 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

And bam! Just like that out of nowhere I've hit a brick wall of depression today. Made up an excuse not to go to work and have just walked around aimlessly for hours. I've broken my cardinal rule of not drinking when I feel like this too. And that's always been a strict one for me.

 

No real rhyme or reason for feeling like this either other than the constant pressure of being a provider. I feel like my depression goes from 0-100 as well. I go from being fine to "well I could always kill myself". Which I know I can't do because I have children and I just couldn't do that to them

 

 

Anyway sorry for ranting but sometimes feels better to write it out

We all slip up from time to time, don't beat yourself over it or make it the norm. 

 

Glad you got out though even if it was a long wander. So many things you could do when suffering low mood so that's a positive that you went walking. 

 

Keep at it buddy. 

Edited 19 June 2025 by Zear0

[foxfanazer]

4 minutes ago, Zear0 said:

We all slip up from time to time, don't beat yourself over it just make it the norm. 

 

Glad you got out though even if it was a long wander. So many things you could do when suffering low mood so that's a positive that you went walking. 

 

Keep at it buddy. 

Thank you. Went through a really rough time a few years ago and I found walking with no real route or destination helped me readjust. Sitting in and wallowing has never been good for me

[ajthefox]

7 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

And bam! Just like that out of nowhere I've hit a brick wall of depression today. Made up an excuse not to go to work and have just walked around aimlessly for hours. I've broken my cardinal rule of not drinking when I feel like this too. And that's always been a strict one for me.

 

No real rhyme or reason for feeling like this either other than the constant pressure of being a provider. I feel like my depression goes from 0-100 as well. I go from being fine to "well I could always kill myself". Which I know I can't do because I have children and I just couldn't do that to them

 

 

Anyway sorry for ranting but sometimes feels better to write it out

No need to apologise my friend. Writing this stuff down can be very helpful. It's good that you've got that out.

 

Today may be a write off but remember tomorrow doesn't need to be. Acknowledge today for what it was; a bad day. We all have them. 

 

Perhaps try and think about something small to start your morning tomorrow which will set you on the right path to a more positive day. 

[Thefox81]

9 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Thank you. Went through a really rough time a few years ago and I found walking with no real route or destination helped me readjust. Sitting in and wallowing has never been good for me

When i went through a really bad patch i turned to drink. Eventually i knew i had to stop. Walking became my saviour. Not taking my phone or card so i couldnt get a drink whilst out. Also because i didnt have my phone i didnt know where i was. Found so many interesting places and it was fun finding my way home the old fashioned way. Have you spoke to your boss maybe take a leave of abscence if that would help? Im always available on here or through DM. Keep your chin up mate 💪

[foxfanazer]

5 minutes ago, Thefox81 said:

When i went through a really bad patch i turned to drink. Eventually i knew i had to stop. Walking became my saviour. Not taking my phone or card so i couldnt get a drink whilst out. Also because i didnt have my phone i didnt know where i was. Found so many interesting places and it was fun finding my way home the old fashioned way. Have you spoke to your boss maybe take a leave of abscence if that would help? Im always available on here or through DM. Keep your chin up mate 💪

Thank you that means a lot. I'm only  3 months in to a new job so I very much doubt it but it'd certainly be helpful. I really struggle with the *monotony (that word doesn't look right) of life. I really envy people who are contented with their lives