Your kid being bullied

[Strokes]

7 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thanks mate but I lost control afterwards and smacked her repeatedly. I feel such guilt and shame and feel like I should report myself. I reckon the neighbors saw, they definitely heard it all. What a fvckin mess.

The most important thing is she safe and knows she is loved mate, the rest will blow over. Just stay strong. 

[NorthfieldsFox]

My girl was bullied in year 7

 

my wife wouldn’t let me smash the door down on the bullies house , or torch their shed/Car 

 

So I put a post on Facebook group asking for a “minder” £100 a term for a year 10/11 to buddy up and take care of my girl 

 

it worked over 17 replied and the lad who got the job scared the shit out of the bullies and it stopped ! 

 

He made sure my lass was never touched again best £300 a year school fee I spent 

 

the bullie broke her back on a family holiday in Spain  , to show no hard feelings I sent her a year membership for Planet Bounce ! 

 

 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Still shaking...

 

My daughter has been talking about killing herself for a while now but we’ve never really taken it seriously.

 

Tonight there was the usual arguments at home and then it all went mad. She started effing and blinding then kicked my wife. The wife took her I-pod off her as a punishment and went down stairs.

 

I then heard the upstairs window opening so I ran upstairs and my daughter had climbed out onto the slanted roof about to jump off.

 

It was like something out of the movies as I climbed out after her and grabbed her legs and managed to drag her back in. I’m not sure how high it is but she’d have done some proper damage if she’d jumped.

 

The wife is talking to her now but I’m still in a bit of shock. I think she needs to see a doctor because she’s not right. She’s 12 soon so I know her hormones are all over the place but this has proper shit me up.

 

Feel like getting in the car and just fvcking off tbh. Not sure how to handle this and feel totally helpless...

A work colleague of mine has a daughter who I think is about 14 and has tried to kill herself a number of times. It got to the point that a parent was going on to school to supervise lunches. Hearing what he's going through is horrific, the same as reading about your situation. I only mention this because I know him and can vouch for him and know it's nothing to do with parenting. He's had the mental health teams involved and his daughter has I think been forced to.undergo certain therapies. It isn't advice that I or anybody else would be comfortable giving but Izzy, we all want to hear that one day she gets passed this, get professional help asap. If you have to refer her to your local crisis team (they deal with suicide risks etc) then so be it. If she needs mental health treatment then she needs mental health treatment. If she needs to come out of school so what? Getting through this is the only concern. 

[NorthfieldsFox]

3 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Still shaking...

 

My daughter has been talking about killing herself for a while now but we’ve never really taken it seriously.

 

Tonight there was the usual arguments at home and then it all went mad. She started effing and blinding then kicked my wife. The wife took her I-pod off her as a punishment and went down stairs.

 

I then heard the upstairs window opening so I ran upstairs and my daughter had climbed out onto the slanted roof about to jump off.

 

It was like something out of the movies as I climbed out after her and grabbed her legs and managed to drag her back in. I’m not sure how high it is but she’d have done some proper damage if she’d jumped.

 

The wife is talking to her now but I’m still in a bit of shock. I think she needs to see a doctor because she’s not right. She’s 12 soon so I know her hormones are all over the place but this has proper shit me up.

 

Feel like getting in the car and just fvcking off tbh. Not sure how to handle this and feel totally helpless...

So sorry to read this mate 

 

your genuinely one of the nicest people on here 

 

if can help in anyway just shout 

[Izzy]

9 minutes ago, toddybad said:

A work colleague of mine has a daughter who I think is about 14 and has tried to kill herself a number of times. It got to the point that a parent was going on to school to supervise lunches. Hearing what he's going through is horrific, the same as reading about your situation. I only mention this because I know him and can vouch for him and know it's nothing to do with parenting. He's had the mental health teams involved and his daughter has I think been forced to.undergo certain therapies. It isn't advice that I or anybody else would be comfortable giving but Izzy, we all want to hear that one day she gets passed this, get professional help asap. If you have to refer her to your local crisis team (they deal with suicide risks etc) then so be it. If she needs mental health treatment then she needs mental health treatment. If she needs to come out of school so what? Getting through this is the only concern. 

Thanks Toddy. I think maybe I’m in denial a bit actually. The thought of an 11 year old needing mental health treatment is something that happens to other people’s kids - not your own.

 

Maybe it’s the shame or feeling of failure but I feel I should have skills to ‘fix her’ myself without involving anyone else. I’m embarrassed that my kid is the one who’s fvcked up.

 

 

3 minutes ago, NorthfieldsFox said:

So sorry to read this mate 

 

your genuinely one of the nicest people on here 

 

if can help in anyway just shout 

Thanks mate. I know you sometimes wind people up on various threads but I know your hearts in the right place x

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thanks Toddy. I think maybe I’m in denial a bit actually. The thought of an 11 year old needing mental health treatment is something that happens to other people’s kids - not your own.

 

Maybe it’s the shame or feeling of failure but I feel I should have skills to ‘fix her’ myself without involving anyone else. I’m embarrassed that my kid is the one who’s fvcked up.

 

 

Thanks mate. I know you sometimes wind people up on various threads but I know your hearts in the right place x

I know mate, but it's no reflection on you or even her. She hasn't fvcked up. Life is difficult and sometimes things happen that a person can't cope with. As much as we love our kids simply being a parent doesn't imbue you with superhuman skills. I'm not saying it would be an easy path to go down - it still sounds horrific tbh when I hear about my colleague as professional help isn't a magic bullet and bad things have still happened - but at least you won't be alone. I think (it's easy to say from here) it's what I'd do.

[Strokes]

You know from the talking we do on here Izzy, open communication is the best medicine for feeling low. Just talk to her like you do us on here and try and keep your emotions in check, try and explain why you care so much about her and like Toddy says, seek professional help. There may be things she cannot tell you or your wife for whatever reason but she might open up in confidence.

This no reflection on your parenting and you have no reason to be embarrassed and I think your reaction was natural. 

Hopefully this is a cry for help and the recovery starts here 

[Tielemans63]

2 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thanks Webbo. I’ve given up drinking but just feel like getting hammered now. I smacked her so hard afterwards too and the guilt is killing me. Feel I’ve failed as a parent big time.

You might have saved her life Izzy- that's hardly failing bruv. You shouldn't beat yourself up that you reacted like you did, that's a situation no-one could never ever plan for and that reaction must have been a mixture of anger, upset, love and pure fear.

 

I know this might sound daft but what does she love doing the most? Maybe take her out for the day so you can have a day away from it and make amends. By doing that you're not saying what she did is okay because your perfectly understandable reaction at the time told her it's not okay - instead it's just a way of saying 'I love you and we'll crack this'.

 

I really feel for you man. I have a 4 year old daughter and I think about this a lot. I think the other lads who've commented are right - I think you should get her out of that school Izzy, give her a fresh start. I'm a teacher and I see kids who have had 60-70% attendance (due to bullying) at a previous school, they get a fresh start and they start to enjoy school again.

 

One thing that makes it so difficult these days is cyberbullying. Not suggesting this is the issue with your daughter. Not sure if your daughter has a phone, email, social media or whatever but if she does I recommend delving into that because that's how many kids do it these days. They send some unbelievably nasty shit to each which is mostly just bravado because they would never follow through with it but when you're 11 or 12 and someone messages you on WhatsApp to say they're going to do X,Y and Z to you then that's bloody scary. Often they'll tell the victim to delete the messages but WhatsApp etc can restore the deleted message if you request it.

 

One thing I would say is that you mustn't beat yourself up mate. Sadly, some sad little bastards in her school have made the choice to bully her and that's not your fault. 

 

 

[foxfanazer]

Heartbreaking and terrifying to hear what you’re going through @Izzy Muzzett

 sounds to me like you did an amazing thing and whilst your reaction might not be ideal it was totally understandable.

 

Hope things get better for you all mate I really do. Not the time to fold now though buddy so stay strong for your family 

[leicsmac]

As others have expressed, it's heartbreaking to hear what's going on there @Izzy Muzzett

 

It's one thing saying it and another believing it yourself but honestly, you reacted as best you could under the most traumatic of circumstances and you can't beat yourself up about that.

 

As Toddy said, it's probably time to go to a professional for her at this point but that is no reflection whatsoever on you or your parenting.

[Izzy]

Thankyou @leicsmac @foxfanazer @Paddy. @Strokes @toddybad @NorthfieldsFox and everyone else who sent me messages of support about this. I really appreciate and it's really helped me to rationalise what happened last night.

 

I'm sorry for being such an attention seeking drama queen but I didn't know where to turn to apart from on here. I was about to go to the off-licence after it happened to buy a shit load of booze and get smashed, but instead I was reading your messages and this stopped me from falling off the wagon.

 

I've talked with my daughter at length last night and again this morning. She's O.K. and at her martial arts class now. We'll go to the park in a bit and hang out and talk some more. The wife has decided to remove all her devices for a month as we think this is part of the problem. We need to be close to her right now and stop her getting distracted by all the other shit. We'll just keep it simple and do some cooking, reading, making stuff and go back to basics for a while.

 

I still feel like shit for the way I reacted but it's happened and I can't change it. I'm also going to ask my therapist if she'll speak with my daughter about her problems - she definitely needs some professional help I think.

 

Thanks again everyone and it would be nice to move on now and see some of the World Cup. I've missed it all so far FFS but family come first I guess 

[stripeyfox]

2 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Thankyou @leicsmac @foxfanazer @Paddy. @Strokes @toddybad @NorthfieldsFox and everyone else who sent me messages of support about this. I really appreciate and it's really helped me to rationalise what happened last night.

 

I'm sorry for being such an attention seeking drama queen but I didn't know where to turn to apart from on here. I was about to go to the off-licence after it happened to buy a shit load of booze and get smashed, but instead I was reading your messages and this stopped me from falling off the wagon.

 

I've talked with my daughter at length last night and again this morning. She's O.K. and at her martial arts class now. We'll go to the park in a bit and hang out and talk some more. The wife has decided to remove all her devices for a month as we think this is part of the problem. We need to be close to her right now and stop her getting distracted by all the other shit. We'll just keep it simple and do some cooking, reading, making stuff and go back to basics for a while.

 

I still feel like shit for the way I reacted but it's happened and I can't change it. I'm also going to ask my therapist if she'll speak with my daughter about her problems - she definitely needs some professional help I think.

 

Thanks again everyone and it would be nice to move on now and see some of the World Cup. I've missed it all so far FFS but family come first I guess 

She might kick your ass next time... 

 

Glad things have calmed down mate. Enjoy the weekend x