Your kid being bullied

[foxfanazer]

Have any of you had experience of your children being bullied at their schools? If so do you have any good advice on how to tackle it, aside from kidnap and torture  (joking)

 

 

I’m asking for a friend but the subject terrifies me as I have a 3 year old daughter and I don’t know how I’d cope if it was happening to her. The school have been useless up to now until one of the kids told her to go kill herself so the police are now involved. She’s also not eating because they’ve called her fat despite her being the skinniest girl I’ve ever seen

Edited 24 May 2018 by foxfanazer

[Stadt]

Tell her to twat one of the girls doing it, the consequences are nowhere near as bad as the bullying continuing. As long as her parents are gonna support her through what the school's disciplinary procedure is. I'd imagine it will stop after the police are involved.

 

 

Edited 24 May 2018 by Wookie

[foxfanazer]

7 minutes ago, Wookie said:

Tell her to twat the one of the girls doing it, the consequences are nowhere near as bad as the bullying continuing. As long as her parents are gonna support her despite what the school's disciplinary procedure. I'd imagine it will stop after the police are involved.

 

 

It’s boys as well which I find really shocking. Never bullied anyone in my life but the thought of bullying a girl is sickening 

[Bayfox]

I know how you feel, my Daughter is 8 and pretty popular and switched on she has a big circle of friends, from those that are Tom boy's who play football to those who want to do make up and play more traditional games. However on our estate, there is a bit of an issue with some girls that attend a different school, and as there is 3 of them on only 1 of my daughter they tend to gang up on her when they think no one is looking, the woman is a single Mum, so I don't exactly feel I can go shouting the odds on her doorstep, and my wife wouldn't say boo to a mouse!! It tends to stop if any of the other kids come out to play, so they clearly think it's safety in numbers and my girl will take  it. I'm all for sending her boxing  

 

 

However my boy 6, despite being reasonably popular, is not as switched on, he doesn't have any obvious issues (he's been tested for most things including having to have an MRI) he seems to live in a bit of a dream, and is not very tactful or diplomatic, he see's every thing as very black and white and can't seem to stay out of anyone's business even if it doesn't involve him.

 

I've noticed more and more that he's getting a little isolated by certain peers, and I worry due to his makeup (as a person) that as he get's older he may well fall foul of bullies, I have tried to ask his sister to keep an eye on him at school and try to make sure he's kept involved where she can, but that's a big ask for a child, I'm not the most diplomatic myself especially when it comes to my kid, but although I'm 6 foot i'm not exactly built like a wall, and don't overly love confrontation, as I can't normally back up my mouth  

 

It's a massive worry, we live in such a horrible world at times, I'm sure it was never this bad when I was a Kid, I wasn't cool or amazing in anyway, but I had some good friends around me and we all looked after each other, there was hardly any tension between anyone at our school really and if there was it was dealt with very quickly by ourselves, never really needed parental involvement, worst case was, we just agreed to stay out each others way.

 

I love my kids and wouldn't be without them, but sometimes I do wonder if as a couple my wife and I we're a little selfish and blind, in that we didn't really concern ourselves with the world we were bringing them into.

 

Hope your friends daughter finds some really real friends and finds a happy place, it really must be horrible.

[Steven]

Reach for the lawyers. 

[kingcarr21]

10 minutes ago, Wookie said:

Tell her to twat the one of the girls doing it, the consequences are nowhere near as bad as the bullying continuing. As long as her parents are gonna support her despite what the school's disciplinary procedure. I'd imagine it will stop after the police are involved.

 

 

I've always told my daughter if you are ever getting bullied verbally just laugh in their face and walk away, they will soon give up if you just literally laugh at them.

 

Also i've told her never to lay a finger on someone unless they start it. If she ever had problems with a bully who pushed her around at school i've told her to just hit them, school might not like it but she would have my full support as long as she didn't start it.

 

Bullies thrive on the weak, show you aren't bothered about words (as that is all they are) and just laugh it off.

[foxfanazer]

6 minutes ago, Bayfox said:

I know how you feel, my Daughter is 8 and pretty popular and switched on she has a big circle of friends, from those that are Tom boy's who play football to those who want to do make up and play more traditional games. However on our estate, there is a bit of an issue with some girls that attend a different school, and as there is 3 of them on only 1 of my daughter they tend to gang up on her when they think no one is looking, the woman is a single Mum, so I don't exactly feel I can go shouting the odds on her doorstep, and my wife wouldn't say boo to a mouse!! It tends to stop if any of the other kids come out to play, so they clearly think it's safety in numbers and my girl will take  it. I'm all for sending her boxing  

 

 

However my boy 6, despite being reasonably popular, is not as switched on, he doesn't have any obvious issues (he's been tested for most things including having to have an MRI) he seems to live in a bit of a dream, and is not very tactful or diplomatic, he see's every thing as very black and white and can't seem to stay out of anyone's business even if it doesn't involve him.

 

I've noticed more and more that he's getting a little isolated by certain peers, and I worry due to his makeup (as a person) that as he get's older he may well fall foul of bullies, I have tried to ask his sister to keep an eye on him at school and try to make sure he's kept involved where she can, but that's a big ask for a child, I'm not the most diplomatic myself especially when it comes to my kid, but although I'm 6 foot i'm not exactly built like a wall, and don't overly love confrontation, as I can't normally back up my mouth  

 

It's a massive worry, we live in such a horrible world at times, I'm sure it was never this bad when I was a Kid, I wasn't cool or amazing in anyway, but I had some good friends around me and we all looked after each other, there was hardly any tension between anyone at our school really and if there was it was dealt with very quickly by ourselves, never really needed parental involvement, worst case was, we just agreed to stay out each others way.

 

I love my kids and wouldn't be without them, but sometimes I do wonder if as a couple my wife and I we're a little selfish and blind, in that we didn't really concern ourselves with the world we were bringing them into.

 

Hope your friends daughter finds some really real friends and finds a happy place, it really must be horrible.

Great post thanks and I agree so much about the guilt of what we’re bringing our kids into. Although she’s only 3 my daughter is already quite feisty so hopefully she’ll have no problems.

 

As for the girl being bullied we’ve watched her go from a bubbly, outgoing teenager to a quivering mess who’s talking about killing herself. So sad to see

[Bayfox]

Just now, foxfanazer said:

Great post thanks and I agree so much about the guilt of what we’re bringing our kids into. Although she’s only 3 my daughter is already quite feisty so hopefully she’ll have no problems.

 

As for the girl being bullied we’ve watched her go from a bubbly, outgoing teenager to a quivering mess who’s talking about killing herself. So sad to see

Oh, she's quite a bit older then, that must be even more difficult and although still kids, you'd like to think they would know better, that probably makes it worse and harder to deal with, if it's only verbal I'd agree @kingcarr21 walk away, don't react and hopefully they get bored and haven't got the bottle to do anything more, if it's physical then I'm very much of the fight back and I'd back my kids whatever comes from it, but I guess in a way that old adage of 2 wrongs not making a right, is a factor, I'd almost be happy if these kids got bored of chasing my daughter when she's playing out on her own, and moved onto someone else, but I guess that only makes the problem go away for my girl.

[jammie82uk]

47 minutes ago, Wookie said:

Tell her to twat the one of the girls doing it, the consequences are nowhere near as bad as the bullying continuing. As long as her parents are gonna support her despite what the school's disciplinary procedure. I'd imagine it will stop after the police are involved.

 

 

I Completely agree with this, the girl is obviously suffering so give her permission to take some action, nothing OTT obviously, if she’s being bullied then I bet she ain’t the only one, she might even end up with an whole new group of friends 

[Webbo]

If the kids was confident enough to twat their bully they wouldn't be getting bullied in the first place.

 

You could tell the teacher but what can the teacher do? There really isn't an easy answer I'm afraid.

[Strokes]

No my kids haven’t suffered anything so far, and hopefully never will. 

I’d probably end up in jail if they did.

[Soar Fox]

Give the bullies dad a slap and tell him every time his daughter says or does something against your friends daughter you’ll be back round to give him another slap. 

 

He will either tell his daughter to stop the bullying or the girl will stop herself as she won’t like seeing her dad get hit.

[Merging Cultures]

I tell my kids to:

1. Move away from the bully,
2. If they follow them, shout as loud as they can at the other kid to leave them alone,
3. As soon as possible tell a teacher,
4. Tell me as soon as possible if anyone says or does anything at all,
5. If it happens again and the teacher doesn't do anything, then I go and talk to the teacher, and I make sure my kid sees me talking to the teacher, so they know I have their back,

 

Then,

6. If it still continues, and it is physical, I've told them that they can hit back, but only once we've talked to the teacher and the school knows that there is a concern, (it hasn't got this far yet),

7. If after talking to the teacher and it hasn't been resolved, I'll raise it to the headteacher,

8. Then I'll raise it with the PTA, and basically shame the school into acting,

9. If nothing happens, I'll raise it directly with the other kids parents,

10. Finally, I'll involve the police.

 

We've taken it to step 5 on my bully-o-meter, it has stopped now, not that I really think it was bullying, I think my boy was being a bit too sensitive, but I still made sure he knew that I was going to go to bat for him, and I spoke to his teacher with him. I've also gone directly to step 9 in playgrounds, when parents are not watching their kids and one of their children has hit my daughter. I am average height, but quite wide and I can be a loud mouth when needed. The parent could barely look at me. My daughter's tears stopped quickly when she knew I would protect her. 

 

I remember being bullied as a kid (and also bullying unfortunately), and it went on for a long time. I told my parents, who basically told me to suck it up. They did once discuss moving me to a different school, which I really really wanted, but it didn't happen. I actually felt quite let down that it didn't seem to be taken seriously enough. I would skip out of school as I got older and missed a lot of lessons.

 

So, my advice is for any parent to be as active as possible. Make sure the child knows you are working on their behalf. I think my parents might have spoken the teachers and governors at the school (my Dad was a governor for a while), but I am not sure, so in my young mind I felt that I wasn't being supported. Obviously you can't be with the kids all the time, and if the bullying is happening outside of school, then it needs to be taken up with the parents directly. Confrontation is difficult, but as parents we have to put aside our concerns or inhibitions to help our children. I do understand that by confronting the parents it can make the bullying worse, especially with teenagers, but at least you've attempted some mediation. If it fails, then the police should be involved.

[Buce]

 

If the school won't stop it, take it to the parents.

 

My daughter was being bullied at high school and the school didn't seem able to stop it. My missus went to have a polite word with the parents, who turned out to be the type whose kid can do no wrong, so it still didn't stop. Then I went and had a less polite word with the father and told him that the next time my daughter came home and told me his kid had hit her, I'd be holding him personally responsible and coming back round to play baseball with his legs. It stopped immediately.

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Have any of you had experience of your children being bullied at their schools? If so do you have any good advice on how to tackle it, aside from kidnap and torture  (joking)

 

 

I’m asking for a friend but the subject terrifies me as I have a 3 year old daughter and I don’t know how I’d cope if it was happening to her. The school have been useless up to now until one of the kids told her to go kill herself so the police are now involved. She’s also not eating because they’ve called her fat despite her being the skinniest girl I’ve ever seen

 

A bit too close to home for me is this 

 

I find it the most helpless and painful feeling as a parent when your kid is being bullied. 

[Izzy]

7 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

If the school won't stop it, take it to the parents.

 

My daughter was being bullied at high school and the school didn't seem able to stop it. My missus went to have a polite word with the parents, who turned out to be the type whose kid can do no wrong, so it still didn't stop. Then I went and had a less polite word with the father and told him that the next time my daughter came home and told me his kid had hit her, I'd be holding him personally responsible and coming back round to play baseball with his legs. It stopped immediately.

That’s fine if you’re a big guy yourself mate. The Dad of the kid who is bullying my daughter is 6’ 5”, 18 stone and head of a security firm. Not sure that tactic will work for me...

[Buce]

2 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

That’s fine if you’re a big guy yourself mate. The Dad of the kid who is bullying my daughter is 6’ 5”, 18 stone and head of a security firm. Not sure that tactic will work for me...

 

There's more than one way to skin a cat, mate.

 

 

[Innovindil]

17 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

That’s fine if you’re a big guy yourself mate. The Dad of the kid who is bullying my daughter is 6’ 5”, 18 stone and head of a security firm. Not sure that tactic will work for me...

 

Problem solved. 

[Jon the Hat]

We have had some issue with my daughter, and still are to some extent.  For us the most important points have been:

1) They know you have their back 100%, and won't stop until it is resolved.  You really don't want your kids feeling hopeless here, that can end very very badly.

2) Make sure the school take it seriously as a first step.  Tell them you consider this to be bullying and they have to respond formally, don't be afraid of the word.

3) Record everything; we wrote a log every day after school, and were able to share this with the school so they could not ignore it.

In our case the little shit was made to write a letter of apology, and it seems to have made him realize and stop.

 

Girls are a bit more difficult, as frankly they tend to lie more.  My wife was accosted by the mum of a girl who has been mean to my daughter, turning things the other way around.  She also lies to the teachers, who i think feel obliged to listen to it.

We also try to help our daughter see situations from other kids perspective, as often the meanness / bullying is a result of their unhappiness and sometime this can be diffused when it is about friendships and competition.

There is a great video around on how to respond to bullies, i'll see if I can link to it

Found it:

 

Edited 24 May 2018 by Jon the Hat

[Bellend Sebastian]

4 hours ago, Wookie said:

Tell her to twat the one of the girls doing it, the consequences are nowhere near as bad as the bullying continuing. As long as her parents are gonna support her despite what the school's disciplinary procedure. I'd imagine it will stop after the police are involved.

 

 

This is what my brother in law told me, and he was a teacher at the time.

 

I'm sure I read somewhere that how you respond to bullying when it first happens massively determines the longer term outcome i.e. fight back straightaway and it never really gets started.

 

A difficult thing to instill in children, and as I know from my own lad, when they're little they can really struggle to identify when someone is having a go at them. He's described apparent slights and I make him go over what was said and what actually happened and it sounds like the supposed aggressor wasn't actually really saying or doing anything out of order at all. I don't want him lamping kids that were just trying to have fun with him.

 

I think any parent would be gutted to hear that their kid was being bullied, but I think I'd be as unhappy, probably even unhappier, to find that my child was doing it.

 

Basically, it means you've raised a c*nt.  You've brought someone into the world that makes the lives of others worse than they would have otherwise been. Imagine how Katie Hopkins' parents must feel

 

 

[Bellend Sebastian]

Also, coach your kids to look the bully in the eye and say to them, very solemnly, "your problems at home are not my fault"

[foxfanazer]

It seems that girls are a lot more vindictive and malicious in these situations. There also seems to be a trend of somebody recording it on their phones so they can have a good laugh about it, which is dumb as that’s how they get caught out.

It’s hard to look at the bullies as kids sometimes 

[Countryfox]

1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

I'd be holding him personally responsible and coming back round to play baseball with his legs. It stopped immediately.

 

53 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 The Dad of the kid who is bullying my daughter is 6’ 5”, 18 stone and head of a security firm. Not sure that tactic will work for me...

 

Surely you can reach his legs Muzzett ?? ...   

[Ashley]

4 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Have any of you had experience of your children being bullied at their schools? If so do you have any good advice on how to tackle it, aside from kidnap and torture  (joking)

 

 

I’m asking for a friend but the subject terrifies me as I have a 3 year old daughter and I don’t know how I’d cope if it was happening to her. The school have been useless up to now until one of the kids told her to go kill herself so the police are now involved. She’s also not eating because they’ve called her fat despite her being the skinniest girl I’ve ever seen

 

 

Seriously, say to the kids parents who's bullying your friends kids. Tell them to stop or I bully you.

 

Simple solution. 

[Countryfox]

4 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Have any of you had experience of your children being bullied at their schools? If so do you have any good advice on how to tackle it, aside from kidnap and torture  (joking)

 

 

I’m asking for a friend but the subject terrifies me as I have a 3 year old daughter and I don’t know how I’d cope if it was happening to her. The school have been useless up to now until one of the kids told her to go kill herself so the police are now involved. She’s also not eating because they’ve called her fat despite her being the skinniest girl I’ve ever seen

 

 

Schools should have zero tolerance on bullying ...    you really must get them to sort it out ...   get angry and demand action !! 

 

...  and if all else fails ...  call in the Bucester !!