Social anxiety

[foxfanazer]

I’m going on a stag do in a few weeks and I’m a little bit worried about my social awkwardness. There will be 12 of us but I only really know 2 of them well. I lack the confidence to start conversations with people I’m not too familiar with. I’m hoping the fact that there’ll be a lot of drinking will bring me out of my shell a bit 

 

Has anyone got any tips of overcoming this?

[Innovindil]

Remind yourself constantly that the vast majority of people suck. The fact that your 2 friends hang with these others should be a testament to them not sucking, in theory. 

 

If not, drug yourself up to your eyeballs and go nuts. 

 

[Webbo]

Just remember that most of what you say will be forgotten 10 minutes later. We think if we say something "odd" people will judge us on it for ever. The fact is people move on, no need to cringe every time you remember it.

Just talk when you have something to say, don't try too hard and enjoy yourself. What's the worse that can happen?

[BrummieFOX]

9 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

I’m going on a stag do in a few weeks and I’m a little bit worried about my social awkwardness. There will be 12 of us but I only really know 2 of them well. I lack the confidence to start conversations with people I’m not too familiar with. I’m hoping the fact that there’ll be a lot of drinking will bring me out of my shell a bit 

 

Has anyone got any tips of overcoming this?

Try not to worry about it too much mate. On a stag do, everyone is in good spirits, all there for the same reason and keen to make sure it's a good one for the stag. Don't put pressure on yourself to make loads of conversation, just join in when you can and don't worry about what you say. The booze definitely helps loosen people up and in a group of 12, there'll be plenty of chat going on and there will almost definitely be others who feel the same in the group.

[foxfanazer]

Just now, Webbo said:

Just remember that most of what you say will be forgotten 10 minutes later. We think if we say something "odd" people will judge us on it for ever. The fact is people move on, no need to cringe every time you remember it.

Just talk when you have something to say, don't try too hard and enjoy yourself. What's the worse that can happen?

Yeah it’s totally irrational I know. I’ve gone from one extreme to the other which makes it harder. I used to be really sociable and a bit of a joker but due to a few things happening over the years I’m just not that confident.

 

cheers for the advice though, I’ll try not to overthink it

[Webbo]

2 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Yeah it’s totally irrational I know. I’ve gone from one extreme to the other which makes it harder. I used to be really sociable and a bit of a joker but due to a few things happening over the years I’m just not that confident.

 

cheers for the advice though, I’ll try not to overthink it

I've been there and done that, I know how it feels. I'm still like it on occasions. If it's in your DNA  you can't help it. You've just got to ignore the negative thoughts in your head.

[BeardyFox]

27 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

I’m going on a stag do in a few weeks and I’m a little bit worried about my social awkwardness. There will be 12 of us but I only really know 2 of them well. I lack the confidence to start conversations with people I’m not too familiar with. I’m hoping the fact that there’ll be a lot of drinking will bring me out of my shell a bit 

 

Has anyone got any tips of overcoming this?

I’m the same myself and was on a stag do a few weeks ago where I only knew 3 people, I had the same thoughts.

For me the beer definitely helped and football was talked a lot so I felt comfortable in that. Any time I felt a bit uncomfortable I went to the bog or checked my phone. Had a great time in the end. 

In a group that big there should be plenty of convo where you feel you can join in! 

Enjoy yourself bud  

[foxfanazer]

3 minutes ago, BeardyFox said:

I’m the same myself and was on a stag do a few weeks ago where I only knew 3 people, I had the same thoughts.

For me the beer definitely helped and football was talked a lot so I felt comfortable in that. Any time I felt a bit uncomfortable I went to the bog or checked my phone. Had a great time in the end. 

In a group that big there should be plenty of convo where you feel you can join in! 

Enjoy yourself bud  

Thanks mate that’s reassuring. It’s a bloody frustrating thing ain’t it! I’ve got loads of shit to say just not the confidence to put it out there 

 

Most of them are City fans so maybe I’ll bring up subjects like the benefits of switching to 3-5-2 and whether we should swap the kop and the family stand around

Edited 17 September 2018 by foxfanazer

[danny.]

I had the exact same thing and just didn't go, I am sure the groom was disappointed but I explained to the Best Man and he got it. Having said that, this was a 3-4 day affair abroad, if it was a night I would just go, but couldn't manage an extended trip with strangers and no 'space' (being an introvert makes its worse too!).

[foxfanazer]

4 minutes ago, danny. said:

I had the exact same thing and just didn't go, I am sure the groom was disappointed but I explained to the Best Man and he got it. Having said that, this was a 3-4 day affair abroad, if it was a night I would just go, but couldn't manage an extended trip with strangers and no 'space' (being an introvert makes its worse too!).

Ah that’s a shame. This is abroad for a weekend so it’s gonna be a challenge. I paid up straight away so I couldn’t back out

[Bellend Sebastian]

If all the other people are already GREAT MATES, that can make it hard to even be noticed, but if they make no effort to include 'outsiders' then, frankly, f*** those guys.

 

The reality is you'll either get at least a couple of them that are quite friendly, and if they don't all know each other there's every chance there will be others in the group that feel much as you do, and will be really pleased if someone will talk to them.

 

Just try to relax and look pleased to be there and up for it. Appearing 'open', by for example, smiling broadly when introduced to someone makes you more approachable and then people are more likely to come to you rather than you having to get in with them, so to speak.

 

You can still be honest though. There's no shame in admitting you were nervous about not knowing everyone

 

 

 

 

[Guest MattP]

You'll be fine once the beers get flowing assuming they are a decent bunch of lads. Stag dos are usually superb events and it's quite selfless to actually go in your position, the groom will be desperate for you to be there so remember that, he'll be very appreciative that you have turned up knowing you don't know many of the others there.

 

Where you off?

 

Edited 17 September 2018 by MattP

[foxfanazer]

3 minutes ago, MattP said:

You'll be fine once the beers get flowing assuming they are a decent bunch of lads. Stag dos are usually superb events and it's quite selfless to actually go in your position, the groom will be desperate for you to be there so remember that, he'll be very appreciative that you have turned up knowing you don't know many of the others there.

 

Where you off?

 

Yeah like you say I think I’ll be alright when the beer gets flowing. We’ve got a few activities to do which should be fun.

 

Off to Hamburg for a couple of days. Never been to Germany so I’m looking forward to that at least. 

[Mark 'expert' Lawrenson]

If you’re struggling for conversation you can always fall back on football!

[Mark 'expert' Lawrenson]

3 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Yeah like you say I think I’ll be alright when the beer gets flowing. We’ve got a few activities to do which should be fun.

 

Off to Hamburg for a couple of days. Never been to Germany so I’m looking forward to that at least. 

Germany is great, I went to Berlin and loved it there, enjoy.

[Guest MattP]

2 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Yeah like you say I think I’ll be alright when the beer gets flowing. We’ve got a few activities to do which should be fun.

 

Off to Hamburg for a couple of days. Never been to Germany so I’m looking forward to that at least. 

You'll have a great time, superb city.

 

I am still haunted by an image of a naked Aberdonian sniffing poppers on a stage somewhere down the reeperbahn, still for what reason he was up there I have no idea.

[foxfanazer]

Just now, MattP said:

You'll have a great time, superb city.

 

I am still haunted by an image of a naked Aberdonian sniffing poppers on a stage somewhere down the reeperbahn, still for what reason he was up there I have no idea.

 

 

I need to loosen up but maybe not that much!

[spacemunky]

These are the type of situations that were difficult for me. But, it was mostly from me overthinking and worrying about it. People aren't paying as much attention to you as you would think. We all have our "issues".

 

Have a good time in Germany  

 

 

[BrummieFOX]

25 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Yeah like you say I think I’ll be alright when the beer gets flowing. We’ve got a few activities to do which should be fun.

 

Off to Hamburg for a couple of days. Never been to Germany so I’m looking forward to that at least. 

Mate, I am genuinely off to a Stag in Hamburg in October, drop me a PM if you want, no pressure though. Could be the same one haha. If so you'll be fine, really good bunch of lads.

[Guest MattP]

25 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

 

 

I need to loosen up but maybe not that much!

 

The Portuguese quarter is great btw so suggest that if anyone asks for a place and you'll already be on a winner, quite near the reeperbahn on the riverfront, cracking bars and restaurants, far cheaper than most of the city centre and really chilled.

[foxfanazer]

2 minutes ago, MattP said:

 

The Portuguese quarter is great btw so suggest that if anyone asks for a place and you'll already be on a winner, quite near the reeperbahn on the riverfront, cracking bars and restaurants, far cheaper than most of the city centre and really chilled.

Cheers mate. 

 

Also is there anywhere you haven’t been?

[Guest MattP]

1 minute ago, foxfanazer said:

Cheers mate. 

 

Also is there anywhere you haven’t been?

Yes, far too many places still!

[Saxondale]

Hamburg is amazing, you'll love it.

 

I went on a stag to Munich a few years ago, knowing nobody except the groom (I was best man). Turned out to be the nicest bunch of lads you could ever meet. I also nearly missed the plane, which was an icebreaker of sorts (but I don't recommend it).

 

My advice is just not to give a monkeys what anybody else thinks. It basically doesn't matter. Say what you want to say; do what you want to do.

 

Everyone's on a stag, so they'll be out to have a good time and not out to make enemies.

[BrummieFOX]

17 minutes ago, BrummieFOX said:

Mate, I am genuinely off to a Stag in Hamburg in October, drop me a PM if you want, no pressure though. Could be the same one haha. If so you'll be fine, really good bunch of lads.

Right, we're on the same stag

 

Sorted!

[Fox92]

Don't worry and just have a good time. I'm sure once everybody has had a couple you'll all start mixing.

 

About two months ago I went to a party where I only knew the host. Literally turned up without knowing anyone else apart from about 3 other people vaguely. (This is all because my mate wouldn't come so I went on my own).

 

The great people are those that will make an effort to involve you.