Social anxiety

[cambridgefox]

1 hour ago, MattP said:

 

The Portuguese quarter is great btw so suggest that if anyone asks for a place and you'll already be on a winner, quite near the reeperbahn on the riverfront, cracking bars and restaurants, far cheaper than most of the city centre and really chilled.

Wasn’t chilled when I went 

Hamburg were playing St Pauli on the Saturday!!!

You are right though.Fantastic City.

[cambridgefox]

I can remember nearly wetting myself laughing when we went in this cheap strip bar.

This old women came out long blond hair and my mate shouts out”Fook me,it’s Jimmy Saville” and offered her 10 Euros to keep her kit ON.When she finally took it all off he just sat there shaking his head and in a disapproving way muttered” look at the undercarriage on that”

[Voll Blau]

I've just done a stag this weekend where there were a fair few who didn't know each other (I knew everyone, though a few weren't necessarily lads I knew well enough to say hi to if I'd have seen them in the pub before for example). As others have said, the situation you're in lends itself to people getting along so just go with the flow and you'll have a blast.

 

Mind you when I was Best Man for my mate a couple of years ago I did have to give a proper bollocking to a couple of lads who'd never met before the stag and weren't getting along over something petty (both quite dominant characters, one from Leicester and one from Leeds). It was upsetting my mate a bit so I stepped in. Shock horror, after that they realised they had shitloads in common and were basically best mates for the rest of the trip. I felt like such a ref doing it though, made them shake hands and everything. 

[foxy boxing]

I have Aspergers and attended my brothers wedding a few months back and thought it would be awkward seeing all my relatives as they are all chatty and mix well with each other and i am really quiet and feel isloated at times when everyone is talking and your not but it was fine. i had a great time, dancing etc. it might be best to talk to people you know first and then maybe you will get introduced to people you don't know. it is best to find things in commen that you can talk about to relax you. people should be understanding. it's fine to be quiet and quiet people tend to be the best listeners.

[Sol thewall Bamba]

1 hour ago, BrummieFOX said:

Right, we're on the same stag

 

Sorted!

Haha amazing  

[Steven]

4 hours ago, Webbo said:

Just remember that most of what you say will be forgotten 10 minutes later. We think if we say something "odd" people will judge us on it for ever. The fact is people move on, no need to cringe every time you remember it.

Just talk when you have something to say, don't try too hard and enjoy yourself. What's the worse that can happen?

11 other people will never speak to him again? 

[Trav Le Bleu]

6 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Thanks mate that’s reassuring. It’s a bloody frustrating thing ain’t it! I’ve got loads of shit to say just not the confidence to put it out there 

 

Most of them are City fans so maybe I’ll bring up subjects like the benefits of switching to 3-5-2 and whether we should swap the kop and the family stand around

Your theories on playing a traditional 2-3-5 formation to accommodate Simpson as a half back, with Neil Warnocka as manager, are likely not to be well received. I'd keep them to myself.

 

Seriously though, as someone who also struggles being in a group of more than 7 or 8, I think it's because I over think things. I notice that 90% of what people say has absolutely no importance or relevance to anything in general, but that probably rises to 99% on a stag do.

 

Just be yourself - you can hardly be anything else.

Edited 17 September 2018 by Trav Le Bleu

[Captain...]

@foxfanazer first thing is try not to build it up in your head, focus on the positive aspects and all the fun and potential new mates etc. It won't necessarily make it more enjoyable but you'll hopefully start off in a positive frame of mind.

 

I sometimes struggle with the big group aspect of these things and whole weekend with a group of people, even people I really like can be a bit much. First night on a stag is always a blast the next day tends to drag a bit. If there's not really much of a plan or there is some dead time when you're just hanging around I tend to go off for a walk. Claim I'm feeling more rough than I am and just need some fresh air or got to make a call. Half an hour to an hour by myself is normally enough to get my head right. Especially if you're in a big house or sharing a hotel room so don't even get the night for a bit of space. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, no one will care, most won't even notice. I generally find it is better to take myself off for a bit and come back in a better mood than sit around feeling awkward and making others feel awkward.  

Edited 17 September 2018 by Captain...

[UniFox21]

30 minutes ago, Captain... said:

 First thing is try not to build it up in your head, focus on the positive aspects and all the fun and potential new mates etc. It won't necessarily make it more enjoyable but you'll hopefully start off in a positive frame of mind.  

This is something I'm terrible at, a lot of the stress comes from letting all the worry and anxiety explode in your head.

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

I used to be like you when I was young. Just remember that your as good as anyone, and let your hair down.  .Confidence is really easy to possess. Have faith in yourself, and you will be fine.

[Captain...]

23 minutes ago, UniFox21 said:

This is something I'm terrible at, a lot of the stress comes from letting all the worry and anxiety explode in your head.

Yeah, it's a lot easier said than done, but even if you do end up hating the stag do, there is no point stressing about it before hand.

[FoxNotFox]

Tell yourself this - you don't have to go. You COULD make up a crap excuse or even tell the truth but, either which, tell yourself that it's YOUR CHOICE to go. Being a socially awkward chap myself (but having discovered that actually a lot of/most people are, in there own way) it helps me enormously to realise that I'm doing something because I want to. It's a kind of empowerment. Your're there for your mate, no other reason, and the rest of them can go whistle if needs be.

 

By taking the stress out of it, you'll probably find that you'll get on with some others - your anxiety and expectations being lessened. Most people are, once they're chilled and have a beer inside them, are actually - surprise, surprise - quite decent. 

[Guest Col city fan]

7 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

I’m going on a stag do in a few weeks and I’m a little bit worried about my social awkwardness. There will be 12 of us but I only really know 2 of them well. I lack the confidence to start conversations with people I’m not too familiar with. I’m hoping the fact that there’ll be a lot of drinking will bring me out of my shell a bit 

 

Has anyone got any tips of overcoming this?

It all depends who the other lads are mate. If they are the sort who are more than happy to include everyone in the group, you’ll be fine.

If they are cliquey cvnts who don’t wanna know anyone else or anything else, it’ll be more difficult. Let’s hope it’s the former cos they’ll see you’re a good lad and welcome you in.

I must confess you don’t come across as awkward on here.. a bit of a knob but not too bad...

Edited 17 September 2018 by Col city fan

[Izzy]

7 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

I’m going on a stag do in a few weeks and I’m a little bit worried about my social awkwardness. There will be 12 of us but I only really know 2 of them well. I lack the confidence to start conversations with people I’m not too familiar with. I’m hoping the fact that there’ll be a lot of drinking will bring me out of my shell a bit 

 

Has anyone got any tips of overcoming this?

Mate, you've had lots of advice from others and it's all good.

 

The only thing I'd add is that you don't have to do lot's of talking yourself in order to have a good conversation.

 

If you find yourself with a bunch of strangers then just asking a few gentle "What...?" or "How...?" questions will usually get people to open up and talk. Most people like nothing more than talking about themselves so just be curious if you genuinely want learn stuff about them and they'll soon be chatting away to you like old friends.

 

And if you can find some common ground between you (football, work, the groom etc.) that will help build rapport and then you're off and running. 

 

As someone mentioned before, "Just be yourself - everyone else is taken"

 

Have a great time chap 

 

[foxfanazer]

25 minutes ago, Col city fan said:

It all depends who the other lads are mate. If they are the sort who are more than happy to include everyone in the group, you’ll be fine.

If they are cliquey cvnts who don’t wanna know anyone else or anything else, it’ll be more difficult. Let’s hope it’s the former cos they’ll see you’re a good lad and welcome you in.

I must confess you don’t come across as awkward on here.. a bit of a knob but not too bad...

 thanks Col, I think.

 

 

[Trav Le Bleu]

6 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Mate, you've had lots of advice from others and it's all good.

 

The only thing I'd add is that you don't have to do lot's of talking yourself in order to have a good conversation.

 

If you find yourself with a bunch of strangers then just asking a few gentle "What...?" or "How...?" questions will usually get people to open up and talk. Most people like nothing more than talking about themselves so just be curious if you genuinely want learn stuff about them and they'll soon be chatting away to you like old friends.

 

And if you can find some common ground between you (football, work, the groom etc.) that will help build rapport and then you're off and running. 

 

As someone mentioned before, "Just be yourself - everyone else is taken"

 

Have a great time chap 

 

Oooh, that's the difficult balancing act. Showing an interest in who you're talking to, without appearing nosey. Then on the other hand you need to let them know about yourself with out appearing like a self-centred  narcissist.

 

As with all things (with the exception of the arts) moderation is key. Just don't be too beige!  

[Guest Col city fan]

7 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Oooh, that's the difficult balancing act. Showing an interest in who you're talking to, without appearing nosey. Then on the other hand you need to let them know about yourself with out appearing like a self-centred  narcissist.

 

As with all things (with the exception of the arts) moderation is key. Just don't be too beige!  

Oh ffs! What does that even mean?

[Trav Le Bleu]

Just now, Col city fan said:

Oh ffs! What does that even mean?

Whoosh.

[yorkie1999]

The best thing you can do is say something like "Right lads, My round"

[Guest Col city fan]

2 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Whoosh.

No not whoosh.. just put it in layman’s terms that Azer can understand!

[VLC86]

Failing all of he advice in here, buy loads of coke and just talk at people. Enjoy.

[Raj]

Be usual 

If people like you then good you'll gel.

If they don't tough..you've got your 2 mates that you know!!!

[UniFox21]

3 hours ago, yorkie1999 said:

The best thing you can do is say something like "Right lads, My round"

Music to my ears 

 

Worst kinda people are those who avoid their round at all costs.

[RODNEY FERNIO]

Go and enjoy yourself and stop being such a fanny.

If you duck out of things in life you'll never enjoy life.

Do you think you are the only one that has reservations about attending ? I bet your not.

[VLC86]

10 minutes ago, RODNEY FERNIO said:

Go and enjoy yourself and stop being such a fanny.

If you duck out of things in life you'll never enjoy life.

Do you think you are the only one that has reservations about attending ? I bet your not.

Calling someone a fanny is a guaranteed cure for social anxiety. My suggestion was more helpful.